as much as it hurts you just have to let it be...

[Glove_slap]

You know, I learned this the hard way. Well I guess you wouldn't know unless you looked back or have read all the questions and sad notes I'd posted on this forum. My story is kind of a sad one, at the time I thought it was completely unique but now I realize just how common of a story it is. It pretty much goes along the lines of:

 

Boy meets girl, boy and girl talk on the phone for a few months, boy and girl start dating as young couples (14-15). Boy and girl have a rocky relationship at first because of distance however they work through it. Boy lives in downtown projects while girl lives in uptown suburbs, boy helps girl to focus more in school, girl helps boy leave a "ghetto" mentality. Girl meets another girl who is a bad influence and tries to break boy and girl up, girl's girlfriend fails in breaking us up for good and gives up. Girl and boy enjoy another 3 years of dating however by the end they've grown completely differently, they've grown apart as the years passed by and the differences in life style. The boy feels ashamed because he has no money to take out the girl and while this is not the main reason it does aid in the eventual break up among other things such as neglect on both their parts. As for girl she sees better opportunities for herself as if the grass is greener, and so the friend from before, the friend who hangs out with uptown drug dealers and wants to be an import model/nurse on the side finds a way to break them up and hook her up with a rich older guy a month later. By this point the boy has just reached 19 and the girl 18.

 

I'd love to go more into detail but I rather not, what I'm trying to say is as hard as it is and as much as it hurts you just have to let it be, I'm not sure if I'm saying it in the point of as if I learned something or if I'm teaching some lesson to the other broken hearted in loveshack. I think its a little bit of both. One day you will not wake up and stop loving them or missing them, that day will never come however it is a slow process and eventually you will find yourself caring less and less, you might still miss them and even love them but you will stop asking for your friend's advice or crying to your mother at night (things of which I've done), one day you'll just find yourself laughing at some of the memories you two shared as you walk by a memorable scene instead of tearing up and thinking about him/her the whole day.

 

I guess what I'm really trying to say is if someone wants to break up with you or even if the feeling is mutual, you just have to let it be. You can try sneaky methods found on the interwebz to try to win them back but the truth is that most of these tactics fail to work and even if they do work the real problem within the relationship hasn't been fixed and another and possibly final break up is inevitable.

 

What I am NOT trying to say is that instead of trying to fix problems with the ones what we care about, that we should just throw them away when problems arise. If the situation ever occurs where they throw you away because they did not want to find a solution to a problem(s) then you owe it to yourself to cut off contact with them because in all honesty he/she might not care about you enough to work on these issues and instead decided to just forget about them.

 

Whatever happened between my ex and I could have easily been solved between the two of us, we've been through worse and it always made us stronger. Yet I never understood why it had to happened as she never gave me any real explanation and instead played it off as it was all my fault. I like an idiot at the time believed every word that came out of her mouth, I never had closure for over a year. We broke up late June of last year, she got with him early Aug-Late July of last year, they're still together and ONLY recently have I just gotten closure. Closure I had to find for myself, closure I had to figure out on my own. I asked many questions and thought many thoughts and the truth is:

 

Life is about survival. Humans as all animals live to survive and pass down their genetics, however such as in the animal kingdom only the best genetics are passed down in a form of a hierarchy. We humans refer to this as "Alpha Male/Female and Beta Male/Female". Height, Beauty, Strength, Success, Charm are all characteristics which some of us have to better our chances of reproduction. My ex might have not been self-aware of this but she was doing what she was programmed to. I can't blame her for her actions, even if I wanted to because it's life. **** happens in life.

 

Even if we ever got back it won't ever be the same, she's with some guy that takes her designer clothes shopping, has his own car, a condo and lives by himself and even if he was arrested back in April (which came to a shocker to her as she did not know about it) they're still together. Even if we did get back together one day, she's too used to a lavish lifestyle, her next boyfriend would have to be even richer and more successful than this one, and so fourth and so fourth, it's her way of filtering out the weak from the strong.

 

I'm sorry for the long post and I'm not sure if any of you have actually read up to this point but I just want to say thank you if you have and that it's how I feel about things, it's just my take on life. Not exactly my opinion so to speak but more on my perspective (slight difference).

 

 

- Glove Slap