Eternal Sunshine Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I thought I would write a short update about where I am at now. I ended up getting back together with my ex boyfriend 4 weeks ago, after some extensive talks prior to that. We acknowledged that we both made many, many mistakes in our relationship and that communication wasn't good. He used to let stuff build up and then act out like sending me that text that he has met someone else in Europe. It was cruel but apparently he was high and thought that it would be a good way to "punish" me for what I have been putting him through. Rather than communicate, he chose to explode in such a way. I guess I will never know 100% if there was another girl. I have access to his e-mails, facebook and his computer (he doesn't know that I have his e-mail and FB passwords) and there was never a trace of another girl. I have chosen to believe him and move forward. There is a lot more to it, I didn't just get back with him over night. We talked about how to communicate better and what changes will have to be made. We both feel that we have never had such a deep connection with anyone else and that our relationship is worth the work. After we got back together, things have been moving quickly. We began spending 5 days/nights a week together and everything is so natural and easy. He took me inter-state to spend the weekend at his parent's house and to meet them for the first time. They totally loved me Yesterday he asked me to move in with him. I agreed.... We are fully talking about marriage and kids at this stage. I actually think that it is important for us to live together first because of instability in our relationship in the past and to see how we will both cope in such a situation. I have no idea what the future holds and I am going to leave my house as is as a back up if things go wrong. I am hopeful though. I even think he is my future husband.
Mutant Debutante Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Oh...oh. Hmmm. Mmhmm. Ok, well, good luck with that. I'd recommend holding off on the kids thing for a while.
Professor X Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Don't you wanna get together with one goal? I heard he's single now. Oh ye, I said it.
Cee Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I'm not going to judge or criticize. I've read your story for a year and I can see how much you have matured. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in 6 weeks and we will have been together for only 9 months. I can share my experience with the thought process I am going through right now around cohabitation. It's scares the living bejesus out of me and I have taken that fear out on my boyfriend. Last night, I had a freak out where I talked about ALL my fears, so I spewed so much all over him. I was disturbed by how I turned into a terrified 8 year old, instead of a grown woman. My boyfriend was kind and supportive, but baffled by how I got to such a dark place. For me, life change is hopeful, but it also unleashes anxiety and doubt. I will be curious how you navigate this new phase in your life. Good luck.
oaks Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Good luck, and keep the crazy under control.
LittleTiger Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 The only comment I have to make on this is, if he's going to be your future husband, you might want to let him know you have his email and facebook passwords and that you have been snooping. I guess when you were having your 'get back together talks' about good communication etc, you must have forgotten to mention it? Good luck anyway!
torn_curtain Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Wow. I'm worried about you, but I know if this is the path you've chosen nothing can dissuade you. Just realize he has A LOT of work to do, a lot before you should even be discussing marriage. What he did to you was really twisted, sadistic and crazy. Personally I'd be very wary of getting back together with a guy who had treated me so little respect, but since you've chosen to forgive I really hope things work out and he changes. I'm curious to know what behavior of yours he was trying to punish. Did he feel like you were too clingy? Anyway, good luck.
Nexus One Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) I was one of the very few people who thought you'd make it to the 1 year mark with the guy. I thought I made a major misjudgment on that when you guys broke up, but seems like I'm still the race. At this point I think you both were afraid to lose each other and tried to sabotage the relationship to see how hard the other person would hold on to it. You both were afraid that the other wouldn't be in it for the long haul. That being said, I think "being high" is a poor excuse, because by using that as an excuse he shifts the responsibility to the drug, rather than taking responsibility for it himself. I don't think there was a girl though, like I said, I think you both (unconsciously) tried to sabotage the relationship to see whether the other person would hold on. PS: Did you get your Jimmy Choo's back? You did, didn't you? Edited September 15, 2011 by Nexus One
Ariadne Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Awesome! I knew it though... But glad you worked it out.
Stung Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I have some personal thoughts on this, okay. However, I have been wrong before, once--maybe twice . If you are happy in this moment, then I am glad for you in this moment.
Confusedalways Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) ES- I am happy for you! I can't believe you're moving in together-- how awesome I hope it works out for you two. Edited September 15, 2011 by Confusedalways
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Good for you ES... sometimes re-writing the rules and expectations midstream is a good thing.. as long as both parties are on board then it will help make a successful relationship.
LexiB Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Cool. But I too am wondering about the shoes...
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 You got back together 4 weeks ago, so around August 17th? The day you found out he threw your Jimmy Choos off the balcony and called him a d*ck?
Ruby Slippers Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 You got back together 4 weeks ago, so around August 17th? The day you found out he threw your Jimmy Choos off the balcony and called him a d*ck? Nice work, Sherlock.
Nexus One Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 You got back together 4 weeks ago, so around August 17th? The day you found out he threw your Jimmy Choos off the balcony and called him a d*ck? That's a good point there SG. It'll be interesting to hear what ES says about this, because that's not only a remarkable turn of events, but as you say, the timing of their reunification is even more remarkable.
country_gurl Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 It was cruel but apparently he was high and thought that it would be a good way to "punish" me for what I have been putting him through Guys who "get high" are generally not good marriage/Daddy material.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 So ... At the risk of being soundly bi**hslapped, dare I inquire: Is your boyfriend a psychopathic loser, or have you unfairly represented him to your friends here on LoveShack? And, Are you prepared to defend him, to stand up for him, have compassion and empathy for him, to have his back and look for the good in him even in his weaker moments? To treat him with respect and speak of him with respect? Even when he is not making you feel good? Or even if things don't go the way you'd hoped? I hope so, since I think that both people need to offer that to one another in strong, positive relationships. Bottom line is, I wish you luck. Him too.
Imajerk17 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well, fair's fair. The emotional beatdown she gave him after he talked with his ex... if he were a dog she would have been charged with first-degree animal cruelty. (She even got him to whimper too! Pathetic...) So of course he went a chewed up her shoes. A real man wouldn't put up with that sort of thing. I think Eternal_Sunshine is nuts for going back to him. BUT I think he is nuts for going back to her. So maybe they really are meant for each other?
Imajerk17 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 How long did the beatdown last again? 6 hours? Was he really cowering and shaking by the time it was done? All we need now if for threebyfate to come on here and cheerlead Eternal_Sunshine and tell her "how much healthier she is".
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