ganghis Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I was with my girlfriend for 3 years off and on. She had a history of cheating on me and I had a history of taking her back. Even with all the crap we went through in our relationship, I remained completely in love with her. She is everything I ever looked for, we have a connection that is unmatched. A couple months ago we decided to just be friends, it was mutual and we agreed we both needed to work on ourselves. She always told me she wasnt planning on dating anyone during this time, that she wanted to be a better person and make sure she would never do what she did with me or anyone else. She asked me not to date anyone else and said her feelings for me havent changed. The last couple of months I heard from many people that she had a boyfriend. I asked her about him and she denied it and said she would tell me if she did. I chose to believe her. I mean why would she choose to lie to me at this point if we were no longer together? I suspected she was dating another guy too toward the end of our relationship this summer. She assured me that this other guy was just obsessed with her and he was out of her life completely. Well tonight on her facebook he left her a message saying "thank you for a great night" I texted her and asked her to be honest with me about this guy and asked her if she had dated him when we were still talking. She said yes, a couple times they went out. I asked her why she would lie to me about him for months and asked her how i could believe her about any of the other guys too if she would lie to me about him. She turned everything around on me and said we werent together anymore and she was not my girlfriend and just bypassed the fact that she lied to me. She isnt working on herself right now for me and to make herself better like she said. All of it was lies. I am so hurt, I called her many times and left her 3 voicemails, I texted her about how depressed i was right now and finding out the truth tonight was horrible. I deleted her off of facebook and cried on her voicemail. I feel foolish, pathetic, immature and so stupid for loving a girl like this. She refuses to take responsibility for anything and is just turning it around on me. I think it is finally over now, I want her in my life and I don't know why. She is so cold and arrogant. I don't know what to do now. I lost so many of my friends because of her and I am so alone. I am losing all faith in people, and she is all I have. I don't know how to go on from this. She thinks I am pathetic, and I agree.
Mack05 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) She thinks I am pathetic, and I agree. I felt the exact same way after I lost my last relationship. Like you my self esteem was in the gutter. You now have two choices. I can tell you know, that I choose option 2. I highly recommend you do the same. Option 1: You can stay in this rut for years, feeling sorry for yourself and believing that you are 'pathetic'. You can be a coward and blame everyone else from your ex, your friends, your boss and everyone that you are in this mess you are currently in. You will probably end up suffering from depression and your life will continue on a downward spiral. Eventually relationships will start to suffer, family & friends. Your job performance will suffer. You will keep losing and losing and there will come a point 20 years down the line where you will say to yourself what am I doing here? I got no reason to go on, no reason to live. You look back and realise that you have thrown your life away. Option 2: You make a pact with yourself to drag yourself up by the bootstraps. You make a decision that you will NEVER let a woman treat you like that again. You will never have a woman or anyone else call you 'pathetic' again. No matter what life throws at you, you smash through any barrier. You make your mind up to be a 'winner' and nothing will stop you from achieving that. You are willing to put in the hard work. When you're in the gym and your arms hurt so much you can't even lift them, you find a way to do one more press up, one more pushup. When you feel lazy and u dont want to go to the gym, you picture your ex and her friends laughing at you calling you 'pathetic' and you get your ass down to that gym. In work you do an extra hour a day. You work harder then you have ever worked before. With family you decide to be a better brother brother/son/uncle etc etc. You call people more, you visit people more. You make the extra effort required. When you are bored you go and volunteer, I am sure they are many worthy causes in your area. You write down short term and long term goals. You tick each one off you achieve. You write a letter to your ex and never sent it. After a few months read it back and you will be amazed how your mindset has changed. The choice is simple. You can stay 'pathetic' feeling sorry for yourself or you can decide to make the most of the one shot we are all given at life. "Get busy living or get busy dieing". The choice is yours Ganghis. Here are some quotes that help me motivate myself when aint in the mood to train.. "We who are truly Brave will never live in fear" "You can't train that thing that beats in your chest, your either have it or you don't" "In order to succeed, your desire for success has to be greater than your fear of failure" "The Rationale behind hard training is to feed the belief and starve the doubt" This speech maybe from a Rocky movie but it is so true about life. His kid is feeling like you are now. When I now start feeling sorry myself, I listen to this speech. What is great about my life now, is I haven't had to listen to this speech for 4 months and counting. Now you have a choice Ghangis. What is it going to be? Edited September 15, 2011 by Mack05
sleepykitten Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Brilliant reply Mack-something I needed today too so many thanks, your posts and replies always help me. Been feeling great this week after a bad week last week, then a few negatives at work had me spiralling again, think reading your post has nipped it in the bud, i know all to well how quickly thoughts can spiral out of control. Have been nc for 9 days (3rd time!!!).
mike588 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I was with my girlfriend for 3 years off and on. She had a history of cheating on me and I had a history of taking her back. Even with all the crap we went through in our relationship, I remained completely in love with her. She is everything I ever looked for, we have a connection that is unmatched. A couple months ago we decided to just be friends, it was mutual and we agreed we both needed to work on ourselves. She always told me she wasnt planning on dating anyone during this time, that she wanted to be a better person and make sure she would never do what she did with me or anyone else. She asked me not to date anyone else and said her feelings for me havent changed. The last couple of months I heard from many people that she had a boyfriend. I asked her about him and she denied it and said she would tell me if she did. I chose to believe her. I mean why would she choose to lie to me at this point if we were no longer together? I suspected she was dating another guy too toward the end of our relationship this summer. She assured me that this other guy was just obsessed with her and he was out of her life completely. Well tonight on her facebook he left her a message saying "thank you for a great night" I texted her and asked her to be honest with me about this guy and asked her if she had dated him when we were still talking. She said yes, a couple times they went out. I asked her why she would lie to me about him for months and asked her how i could believe her about any of the other guys too if she would lie to me about him. She turned everything around on me and said we werent together anymore and she was not my girlfriend and just bypassed the fact that she lied to me. She isnt working on herself right now for me and to make herself better like she said. All of it was lies. I am so hurt, I called her many times and left her 3 voicemails, I texted her about how depressed i was right now and finding out the truth tonight was horrible. I deleted her off of facebook and cried on her voicemail. I feel foolish, pathetic, immature and so stupid for loving a girl like this. She refuses to take responsibility for anything and is just turning it around on me. I think it is finally over now, I want her in my life and I don't know why. She is so cold and arrogant. I don't know what to do now. I lost so many of my friends because of her and I am so alone. I am losing all faith in people, and she is all I have. I don't know how to go on from this. She thinks I am pathetic, and I agree. Do you want a woman in your life who lies to you?? I'm guessing she strung you along as to not hurt you. I know the pain your feeling, I'm going thru my own hell now too. I'm going on 7 weeks now, 5 weeks of No Contact and it does help. You will get thru this living hell I promise you!!! Your NOT ALONE! I suggest seeking professional help. I did and that helps alot too! Keep us posted, if you need to talk we are here for you!!
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