I want her back, does she want the same?!

[Juicer]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm the type to just sit back and read other posts to see what fits my situation, unfortunately every situation is different and i need help!

 

I'll try to keep it short and sweet:

 

I dated my girlfriend for 2 years (I'm 22, she's 21), and i can honestly say she was my best friend. we did everything together, and loved spending time with each other. This was until just over a month ago… we had gone to europe and when we came back things were better than ever! i started noticing changes that i never asked for, she was becoming more loving and caring and made me think that this could be it! we were almost inseparable talking about when we would move in together, she told me that she could only dream of having kids that were as great of a person as me, she's said that she doesn't know what she would do without me ETC (and keep in mind this is after 2 years, waaaay past the honeymoon stage)!

 

Then came the most dreadful day… we had plans to go out that evening, but i got a call at work, she was freaking out (history of anxiety), she was telling me she was scared and that i had to meet her. as soon as work ended i went over to see her, she came into my car and asked if we could go park somewhere… unsure of what was going on i agreed. she told me that she loves me very much, loves my family, but she needs some time to become independent and grow. she said she needed to work on her old friendships (she abandoned most of them and became close with all my friends during our relationship). she said that she fears that if something were to happen 20 years down the road that she would not know how to be on her own (again i believe strongly that this was her anxiety talking).

 

I gave this relationship everything i had, honestly i treated her like a princess and she knew it, she appreciated everything i did and never showed signs that she wanted it to end. Its been a month and i've tried my best with No Contact (NC) hoping that she would realize how much she would miss me and how much i meant to her. I have had some success because she began contacting me about the basics (and i don't want to read into anything too much) asking me how my family is doing, how our dog (she loves this dog) was doing, telling me she misses my sister, saying she was like a sister to her…

 

In the meantime i've been doing my best to keep busy, hang out with friends, go to the gym, go out and enjoy myself but i'm getting to the point that i can't do it anymore and i just want her back… She has been keeping busy by going out and spending time with her old friends which is great and i'm happy for her, but i've known her very well for over 5 years and she is not acting like herself, she used to drink very little (she hated going out) and go to bed early, she used to get up early and go to the gym everyday (loved spending time at the gym!). since we've broken up she has been partying a lot, posting pictures of herself with friends and guys that she's met recently (i know i shouldn't be looking, but i can't help it, i love her and miss her), and she cancelled her gym membership, which was the BIGGEST shock to me.

 

Just last week we ran into each other at a bar, the first time we've seen each other since. it was really weird at first until i asked her to meet me outside and we went for a walk. we talked for about 20 minutes and mostly about how we were doing with the whole breakup etc. but then she started telling me how good i was looking (multiple times) and that she misses me, we hugged for a few minutes and i could tell she wanted to cry. she looked into my eyes like she did the first time she told me she loved me, i know this girl better than she knows herself and i could see the feelings rushing back to her just by looking at her. there was a moment when we could have kissed, but that would have been dangerous, she said "you would hate me if we kissed", but then we hugged some more and she was kissing my neck. i politely asked her to stop and walked her back to her friends where she was ready to leave (we were both designated drivers that night and did not drink anything) once i got home she called me to see that i got home safe and we ended up talking for 30 mins on the phone about everything thats been going on lately. she ended up telling me that she's soo thankful for me and everything i did for her and the support i gave her during this breast cancer walk where i helped her raise $5000 through a surprise b-day party for her where everyones gift was a donation. she almost cried at the thought of not having me there to see her accomplish the walk because we had broken up just days before…

 

the following day she texted me while drunk, saying that she's going to vegas with her family soon, and then thats where the convo ended, she never responded after that… that was 4 days ago… since then we have not spoken or texted and i'm afraid to initiate contact again, i still have stuff of hers and she has stuff of mine and she has mentioned coming by soon.

 

THEREFORE, my questions are: Am i reading to much into this? should i continue no contact? should i meet her to get my stuff asap or wait a bit? should i ask her out for a cup of coffee or lunch?

 

i've had really bad trouble sleeping lately and would just like some advice on what i should do and if i should just move on, continue no contact, or fight for her?!

 

THANKS SOOO MUCH!

J

[Besmy]

Hello Juicer,

I think she does care for you and most likely wants you back. Otherwise her hugging, kissing etc wouldn't make any sense.

 

I suggest you ask her out for a coffee or else. You also have got the perfect excuse of returning her stuff etc.

At this point going back to NC doesn't make much sense to me and could in fact backfire.

She has sent you clear signs that she is still into you.

 

Take it slowly though, don't rush, give her and yourself time to understand your feelings.

 

Keep us posted eh! I'm very positive about this!

 

[Juicer]

soo i gained the courage and asked her out for a cup of coffee, her response was almost immediate as she said "Sure!" and then asking if there was something wrong… it went on like this:

 

15/09/2011

her: "can i let you know later on this afternoon, im at work right now"

me: "cool, have a good shift"

her: ":) thank you!"

 

unfortunately a few hours later she told me that she left work cause she wasn't feeling well and was really sorry and promised me that she did want to go (do i believe her? not sure lol) so:

 

me: "don't be sorry, we'll reschedule"

her: "are you sure nothings wrong?"

me: "yes of course"

her: "ok just wanted to make sure you're alright"

me: "everythings good, hope you feel better"

 

The next day, (today 16/09/2011), i was getting weird reactions, if any at all…

 

me: "hey, hope you're feeling better today"

her: "im feeling much better, thanks!"

me: "im free tonight after work, would you like to go?"

she didnt answer for a few hours and said "sorry, i've been at work, i actually have plans tonight :s"

me: "no worries, you pick the date"

her: "i'm sorry"

me: "sorry?"

no response…

me: "did you have a date in mind?"

her: "ohh im not sure, can i get back to you? btw do you have my black heels?"

 

this is where i'm stuck. it may sound ridiculous lol, but i know her and this isn't how she normally texts, it sounds to me like shes avoiding giving me an answer… so i asked her to give me a call later on cause its easier than texting and she said "um ya"

 

i'm getting all kinds of different signals and i don't know what to tell her, do i call her out on avoiding answering? let her know that i understand if she doesn't want to go out for coffee? or just keep cool and ask her on the phone that way i could hear the way she reacts? or just move on and NC her lol?

 

LOST AND NEED HELP!

thanks

J

[wilsonx]

So my question to you is do you really want to know the truth? Can you handle it, because I can tell you the truth about her right now and #1 you wont believe me #2 you will defend her.

 

So I don't want to waste my time, if you aren't willing to listen.

[Jonnyy]

So my question to you is do you really want to know the truth? Can you handle it, because I can tell you the truth about her right now and #1 you wont believe me #2 you will defend her.

 

So I don't want to waste my time, if you aren't willing to listen.

 

 

Im actually quite curious as to what the truth is Wilson.

[2sunny]

soo i gained the courage and asked her out for a cup of coffee, her response was almost immediate as she said "Sure!" and then asking if there was something wrong… it went on like this:

 

15/09/2011

her: "can i let you know later on this afternoon, im at work right now"

me: "cool, have a good shift"

her: ":) thank you!"

 

unfortunately a few hours later she told me that she left work cause she wasn't feeling well and was really sorry and promised me that she did want to go (do i believe her? not sure lol) so:

 

me: "don't be sorry, we'll reschedule"

her: "are you sure nothings wrong?"

me: "yes of course"

her: "ok just wanted to make sure you're alright"

me: "everythings good, hope you feel better"

 

The next day, (today 16/09/2011), i was getting weird reactions, if any at all…

 

me: "hey, hope you're feeling better today"

her: "im feeling much better, thanks!"

me: "im free tonight after work, would you like to go?"

she didnt answer for a few hours and said "sorry, i've been at work, i actually have plans tonight :s"

me: "no worries, you pick the date"

her: "i'm sorry"

me: "sorry?"

no response…

me: "did you have a date in mind?"

her: "ohh im not sure, can i get back to you? btw do you have my black heels?"

 

this is where i'm stuck. it may sound ridiculous lol, but i know her and this isn't how she normally texts, it sounds to me like shes avoiding giving me an answer… so i asked her to give me a call later on cause its easier than texting and she said "um ya"

 

i'm getting all kinds of different signals and i don't know what to tell her, do i call her out on avoiding answering? let her know that i understand if she doesn't want to go out for coffee? or just keep cool and ask her on the phone that way i could hear the way she reacts? or just move on and NC her lol?

 

LOST AND NEED HELP!

thanks

J

 

she doesn't intend to meet up with you - if she did, you may be capable of finding out what she REALLY has been doing.

 

RUN!!! she's not making any effort to stay connected with you - and has things she wants to do that don't include you.

 

get busy living! don't look back. no need to contact her.

[Juicer]

ok soo i do believe you are right, she should have been making some effort too if thats what she really wanted…

 

except:

yesterday morning she saw pics of me out with my friends from the night before, and i saw her friends there, they also had nooo way of knowing i would be there either, its not a mutual hang out for either of us. anyways, she asked me who i was with and if i had fun, basic friendly stuff that i responded too normally. later that night she called me (but i didn't answer) instead i waited a few hours and texted her saying i was busy and whats up, obviously she never responded, but the thing about her is she would never call me like that unless she was unsure/had anxiety etc. today i asked if she called for anything important and she said "no, i'm sorry, hope you have a great day! byye"

 

the way i see it right now, is that she acted on emotions when she saw me out with friends, saw pics, and that i was having a good time, she also may have had a moment of weakness last night when she called…

 

im afraid that its not enough and shes still not interested right now (and i do hate to admit it), and im trying my best to move on, distract myself but i have this urge to fight for her, i don't want to give up, i know its bad but i still care and love her very much… everythign is easier said than done!

[Juicer]

I was in a very similar situation...The whole no contact thing works if you know the right way to approach it...You cannot use no contact without a plan or else things will get worse...I suggest you have a plan of action or things will continue to go they way they are...My best advice would be to find the best process to follow in your situation and always have a back up plan in case things go sour...Good Luck! >>>

 

what was you're plan, and did it work?? i have noo idea how to go about this… she even called me today while at work so i didn't answer and she texted me immediately after saying "are you busy?" and a few minutes later she sent "and thanks for deleting me off BBM" which i didn't do…? i still havent responded to the BBMs but i did try to call her back with no answer… i don't get it, does she want to talk to me or not, should i talk to her?!

[DenumChkn]

Aye yay yay.. This makes me really glad i shot down my ex's desire to remain friends 5 days after the breakup.. As painful as the last month+ of NC has been, I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing by continuing to be strung along (although to be fair you are allowing it to happen). Also that is pretty devious that she's asking for a pair of heels.. Girls wear heels to look attractive to the opposite sex, and you ain't the guy she's out with Next time she attempts to contact you ask her "are we just friends?" If the answer is yes you need to tell her "I can't handle just being your friend, we need to cut ties for now because my feelings for you are still too strong". Assure her this doesn't mean you can NEVER be friends, but that you need time for yourself to heal.

 

I wish girls would stop doing this crap to 'soften' the blow and make themselves feel better about breaking our hearts. I know they do it just to be 'nice' but really it causes so much more pain and agony in the long run. I know it will be extremely painful (it still is for me some days), but you need to force her to make up her mind about you, your intentions are clear: it is all or nothing. Your situation and reading you describe it really makes me realize the power of NC. As soon as she realizes that you are REALLY gone and time begins to pass, she will start to reflect on all of the good times you guys had and potentially will make an honest effort to come back to you. For now, she is just stringing you along like a lost puppy.

 

Best of luck and continue posting and letting us know how it goes, my heart (what my ex left of it) goes out to you.

[EgoJoe]

It's over. She doesn't want you back. Cut ties for a long time. My heart started to beat faster reading this thread. Because I've been in this spot...sorta.

 

If you have any of her belongings mail them to her. Delete off of Facebook, BBM etc.

 

Don't ask her if she thinks you're friends. You are not her friend. Cut ties now while you're still strong and haven't done anything to make yourself look bad.

[Juicer]

alright, soo i'm back for an update and would still like some advice!

 

after getting fed up of her back and forth talk about meeting up for coffee, i decided enough was enough and told her i was coming to get my stuff. before she had the chance to respond i was already on my way.

 

when i got to her house we spoke for about 10 minutes and i explained to her that its all or nothing, i can't be friends, i need to heal and get over you etc! i was soo proud of myself, finally putting my needs before hers!

 

its officially been a month without speaking or texting her… the closest contact would be her wishing my sister a happy b-day among other things like "i miss you" and "you're like a sister to me" and other crap.

 

ive been going out and i've been with a few girls since, unfortunately none of them even compare to her. i can't see anything moving on with these girls cause i've constantly got her on my mind when the whole point was to distract myself and move on…

 

shes been trying things to get my attention and get a reaction but i havent budged (ex: changing her facebook profile pic to one of her and a guy out for dinner- he's gay and she doesn't know i know, so it really didnt bother me)

 

i've been having a rough couple days lately. i keep wondering if she will ever contact me again and i feel like if i don't try and fight for her, its now or never! at this point i can't lose her anymore so i keep thinking that fighting for her is the best decision, but im soo afraid…

 

thanks again everyone for responding, it truly helps!

J

[lalalandman]

sorry to be the one to tell you, but it's definitely another guy. For sure dude. Move on. There's plenty of other girls

[Juicer]

i know 100% for fact that she isn't seeing anyone else, we have alot of mutual friends that are sure of this. she hasn't been going out lately except for a dinner with her gfs and the guy in her dp has hooked up with a friend of mine so im not worried about that at all.

[lalalandman]

They don't know squat. She's talking to someone else at the very least.

[lalalandman]

My point is, forget her. Irregardless, she's going to do her thing. You should be indifferent.

[Nic26]

I don't think you have any choice but to move on, keeping up the no contact rule

 

Your relationship sounded perfect, but it sounds like she needs to get something out of her system...which is fair enough - both of you are only young.

 

So I think you should let her have her fun, whatever that may be. And who knows, you might learn things about yourself during this time too. You wouldn't want to get back together and end up resenting each other.

 

Although, I would bet on the fact that she will be back in contact with you in the future, saying how much she misses you and loves you, etc etc. Once she's had her fun and realises the grass isn't always greener. However, when that time comes, you may no longer be interested.......

[GymRat]

i know 100% for fact that she isn't seeing anyone else, we have alot of mutual friends that are sure of this. she hasn't been going out lately except for a dinner with her gfs and the guy in her dp has hooked up with a friend of mine so im not worried about that at all.

 

Let me share some similarities between you and I:

 

- I'm 24, she's 22.

- We had a 2 year long relationship

- We were best friends, loved spending time together

- She said she could imagine being with me for the rest of her life

 

I went to visit her where she moved away to work for the summer, she told me she was afraid of the 'forever thing' right now, and that she was afraid she'd never know what it's like to be alone and independent. She said she wanted a break, and saw us getting back together after the summer. A month later, my best friend tells me she cheated on me before she broke up. She dated this new guy all summer.

 

Fast forward 4 months to today. She's still sort've seeing this guy, but he lives in the town where she worked over the summer (an 8 hour drive away). Her best friend told me she misses me.

 

It sounds like your girl did the same thing. My ex can hardly look me in the eye if we do run in to each other at school, because she feels guilty. Your ex feels the same way, but it doesn't mean you're getting back together. Unfortunately, the best thing to do is move on buddy. Easier said than done, but it's got to be done.

 

Cheers man.

[Juicer]

thank you guys soo much! after reading the posts this morning i was ok with moving on and continuing the no contact.

 

the last time we had contact she told me she was going to vegas with her dad on oct 20th (today) cause he's in a poker tourney and wtv, time goes by and exactly 30 days since then (today) she is supposed to leave and i havent spoken to her.

 

i know it sounds crazy, im not denying that, but this is the second time that ive had a difficult few days since the breakup. HOWEVER, TODAY is the second time SHE contacts ME just before im ready to move on again (i feel like she was actually awating a text or something from me to wish her a good trip!)… and this is the crazy part: i feel like were connected in some ****ed up way hahaha. the scary thing is that she texted me just an hour ago saying she may have overdosed on her anxiety medication, not sure what she's on but her normal dose when she has an attack is 2 every 12 hours, except she took 12 at once a few hours ago. Now im scared and concerned even though she seems coherent and ok in her texts. she keeps asking me if she will be ok, if she will die, what she should do etc. i told her to immediately wake up her parents and ask them, im not a doctor!

 

cry for attention/actual overdose, im concerned for her safety now, and WHY the hell is she texting me about this, when she has friends, a sister, and parents! she just told me she was feeling sleepy and i asked her to text me in the morning so i know shes ok. if shes just trying to get my attention to see if i still care and i start freaking out then i look bad… but if she is seriously in trouble then she could be in serious danger and it woud feel like my fault. i ffeel like im crazy right now writting this and that i should rush over to see if shes ok.. but im confused, and scared for her. our relationship aside, i need to know shes ok… at this point i dont even know what the F*** im talking about or what im doing! im sooooo confused!

[MovingOn13]

Bro your story is identical to i feel like all young love break ups i.e. early twenties.

 

My ex said the same ****. " i can see myself with you but i just want to make sure." She claimed there was no one else but i am pretty sure there was.

 

NC NOW and do not break it. It's your only hope for your healing and any chance of reconciliation in the future.

 

I went NC right away and 6months later i got a friend request...i ignored. And just recently 10 months since break up she liked a comment through a mutual friend and liked my mutual friends default pic which had me and her in it.

 

Stay strong buddy but dont think your situation is different. There is a HIGH chance she is chatting or banging someone else.

[BLuvv]

thank you guys soo much! after reading the posts this morning i was ok with moving on and continuing the no contact.

 

the last time we had contact she told me she was going to vegas with her dad on oct 20th (today) cause he's in a poker tourney and wtv, time goes by and exactly 30 days since then (today) she is supposed to leave and i havent spoken to her.

 

i know it sounds crazy, im not denying that, but this is the second time that ive had a difficult few days since the breakup. HOWEVER, TODAY is the second time SHE contacts ME just before im ready to move on again (i feel like she was actually awating a text or something from me to wish her a good trip!)… and this is the crazy part: i feel like were connected in some ****ed up way hahaha. the scary thing is that she texted me just an hour ago saying she may have overdosed on her anxiety medication, not sure what she's on but her normal dose when she has an attack is 2 every 12 hours, except she took 12 at once a few hours ago. Now im scared and concerned even though she seems coherent and ok in her texts. she keeps asking me if she will be ok, if she will die, what she should do etc. i told her to immediately wake up her parents and ask them, im not a doctor!

 

cry for attention/actual overdose, im concerned for her safety now, and WHY the hell is she texting me about this, when she has friends, a sister, and parents! she just told me she was feeling sleepy and i asked her to text me in the morning so i know shes ok. if shes just trying to get my attention to see if i still care and i start freaking out then i look bad… but if she is seriously in trouble then she could be in serious danger and it woud feel like my fault. i ffeel like im crazy right now writting this and that i should rush over to see if shes ok.. but im confused, and scared for her. our relationship aside, i need to know shes ok… at this point i dont even know what the F*** im talking about or what im doing! im sooooo confused!

 

Honestly, I think she's doing it for your attention. But you could call 911. If she is in fact in trouble, they can help her. And if she's only doing it for attention, I'm pretty sure that would stop her from ever pulling a stunt like that again.

[R32]

Yeah she;s doing it for attention. Respond with a "I've called 911, an ambulance is on their way" Or phone her house and wake up her parents. Either way, she'll learn her lesson and not pull **** like this again.