AniD5061 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I need some input on this one. I have come into contact with so many men, especially with the rise of online dating, I can truly admit that the first thing that I look at is the photo. When I immediately meet someone, the first things that I take into account is physical appearance. I have certain things that I absolutely will not budge on in appearance and there are things that I can maybe deal with. I have a couple of extremely nice, decent guys that are virtually in love with me, and I have a great time with them. Everything would be perfect if I would be in a relationship with them. The important things are there: I could trust them 100%, we can communicate with each other, and we could have mutual respect. The thing that I can't get past is that I am not physically attracted to them. I have made the effort to try and develop those feelings by sleeping with them (no judgement) and trying to get closer physically. It just doesn't work. I am not repulsed by them, but just don't have the feeling of lust for them. I have a cycle of lusting over the good looking guys who treat me with no respect and end up breaking my heart. What do I do? Settle for a good guy without the feeling of lust, or go for the ego headed men who treat me like ****, but the feelings of want are stronger?
Cracker Jack Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) I don't think you should settle. Both of those scenario's sound pretty crappy, tho. Is every good guy you come across not physically attractive to you at all? Hopefully you'll come across an attractive guy who won't treat you like crap. Even if the other guy is a good person, the fact that you're "settling" for him already sets the negative stage for the relationship. You would be doing a huge disservice to not only yourself, but him as well. Go for what you want. Edited September 15, 2011 by Cracker Jack
coolheadal Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (edited) Too much going like this today. Most men are not what you want in how they look to you. But those you do like treat you bad. So you have to weigh in what it most important to you? Good Looks and get treated bad! or So so Looks but get treated wonderful! Good looking guys only looking out for themselves. They don't take into account for the woman they're with. They dump you quickly and go after another good looking woman. The odd guy you find them more nice and treat you special but you're not attracted them because they look odd or just not what you think of like handsome guy. To me it what's going on inside should count but women just don't want that, they want looks to match what they look like. If they have odd fellow with odd face then they're going to look odd with that new guy! Edited September 15, 2011 by coolheadal
Wolf18 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I wonder just how unattractive these nice guys you're talking about are. Chances are they're probably average or decent looking. I'm not going to give you the cliche feel-good advice, mine is to grow up and get your head out of the clouds. Unless they're very overweight and very ugly give them a shot. Start thinking more with your mind and less with your sn*tch, whose going to be with you through thick and thin is what you should be asking. After being called unattractive for my hair color, eye color, being a few unches under the average height, etc, I find myself seldom sympathizing for women in this situation . You make your own bed, but don't whine when Fabio is sleeping with your sister in it.
Sanman Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Agreed with Wolf here. At some point you simply have to realize that relationships like everything else require balance and compromise. No prince charming with the Ferrari and the trust fund isn't going to treat you like a princess because you are easily replaceable to him. Joe Schmoe will treat you well because are not a dime a dozen to him. That is the way the world works. You either realize that there are more important things in life or be prepared to eat a little sh*t in order to date a pretty face. Just so you know, I used have the same issue with women OP. I am not trying to by hard on you. I'm know in a great relationship with a woman who is perfect for me in every size save a couple of dress sizes larger than I prefer. You know what? Life isn't so bad without the size 4-6 girls. In fact, a woman has never treated me so well.
carhill Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Have you ever lusted after a non-good-looking guy? I ask because I've had occasion to be strongly attracted to a woman who definitely isn't all that and a box of Cracker Jacks and she can just rock my world without even trying. It's easy to be attracted to beauty. That's a no-brainer. I'm wondering if that's all you're attracted to. No harm in it, but it's a pattern worth looking at.
madjac74 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Good looking guys only looking out for themselves. They don't take into account for the woman they're with. They dump you quickly and go after another good looking woman. This seems to be a trend on LS and it is entirely false! It seems to me that the angry, low self-asteemed, down on their looks guys are more conceited than the good looking, confident guys because they assume they can treat a woman better than anyone else. And because a guy is good looking and confident with himself that he is going to treat women as if they are disposable. Ridiculous!
grkBoy Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I have a cycle of lusting over the good looking guys who treat me with no respect and end up breaking my heart. What do I do? Settle for a good guy without the feeling of lust, or go for the ego headed men who treat me like ****, but the feelings of want are stronger? You have hit the problem many women have. They want the hot/wealthy/exciting man, but realize their world is now a choice between dull nice guys or boring average joes who will commit and respect her VERSUS the hot/wealthy/exciting guys who won't commit and often times won't respect her. In the end, you need to lower the bar, compromise, and rethink your selection criteria. I know you want a physically attractive guy, but like we tell the guys who want a 8, 9, or 10...beauty doesn't last. In my case the only physical thing I would not budge on was weight. My fiance has short blonde hair and small boobs...when I was more attracted to long-haired brunettes with bigger chests. You have to think long-term and think of your available dating pool. If you really want the hot guy who respects you, then choose to remain alone and wait for such a guy. However, if marriage/children is a priority and time is running out, then you might want to either think longer-distance or lower the bar.
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