Miseries of life

[Infusion]

Around a week or so ago, my girlfriend told me she wanted us to have a break, for a month, because she was not mentally ready for a relationship and needed to get her life back together. Then she said: "Maybe I'll love you more, maybe I'll love you less" She was even considerate enough to tell me that after i was finished with my exams in university. Right before she left that night she told me it's not my fault and that I am perfect, and that she loves me. I didn't talk to her or call her for a week, but then one day i received an email from her telling me that she's thinking about me and hope that i was enjoying my summer. I didn't write anything back. In the next few days, I got another email from her, telling me that if I am not going to talk to her anytime soon, she'll assume I am out of her life for good. Not wanting that to happen, I went onto msn and talked to her and explained why I did not talk to her at all for the past week. I told her that if I talked to her, it might make her think less of me because I would still be there, online. The past two nights we talked too, but the more we talked the more depressed I became. She told me that she doesn't think that we are meant for each other. I was very saddened from hearing that, and knew that probably things between us will end by the end of the month (the one month break we are taking) However, she told me that I am perfect to her, just not perfect for her. Ever since we've gone out, i have been nothing but nice to her, but sometimes she can become very hurtful to me. I dont blame her, because I know that to love someone, I have to accept both their good and bad, and I thought that perhaps that part of her will change- it never did. But still I didn't mind, and in fact, I started to get used to her being hurtful to me sometimes. I have spent a lot of time this year trying to be with her and make her feel better when she is down, or just being there for her whenever she needs me. Yesterday I just found out that I'd flunk one of my courses and will need to re-take it during the summer to make up for it. I know that to some extent it had to do with me dedicating myself to her too much, too often. I have given up a lot to be with her, i even chose to go to university in downtown instead of further away because I want to be closer to her, as she does not go to university until this coming september. We spent a lot of time together this year, and we told each other that we love each other too. Just last night I talked to her and she told me that nothing I do can ever change the fact that we are not meant for each other, and that she wants us to break up. Suddenly I feel very sad and lonely, that even having given up so much to be with someone I love, she doesn't think the same of me anymore. She thinks that we are better off as friends, I was extremely depressed, thinking back to all the fun times we had that will never happen again. Even when I told her that I'll try hard to make things better between us, she didn't want that. Tonight I talked to her again, feeling not any better than I did last night, but instead, pretended that I was feeling fine. I talked to her and asked her what she wanted to do 10 years down the road. She told me that she'll want to go to a university away from the city (which she is) and make new friends and new loves and have her own apartment living with a guy she loves. I told her I was happy for her, but in my heart I felt terrible, knowing that it was the end for us. Although I know things will be over, we made a promise that we'll be friends still and she told me that she still loves me. (but as a friend). I don't know how to deal with so much all at once, I truly want to be with her but I know it won't happen because it takes both of us to make that decision. My life is a mess, I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how I can even talk to her as a friends; all my feelings for her will still be in me, I feel extremely sad even thinking about it. Thanks for taking the time to read all this, I'll really appreciate any advice that I can get.

[manderbug]

I am so sorry to hear that. Wow!--attending a specific university for her, and flunking a class in your sorrow. .. You are a hopeless romantic like me. I know how you feel. You feel you give your all and more to a person, and when it doesn't pan out you feel so hollow.

 

But believe me, after you pull out of something like this, you will feel better, even though you can't imagine feeling better now. Sometimes fate leads you where you are reluctant to go, but often the result is positive.

 

You can only hope that one day this girl may realize you are the one...but in the meantime don't sell yourself short. Someone once said the best revenge is living well.