DazyDaisy Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Poll: Did you beg/plead, or did you accept the breakup? Self-explanatory. What it your first, second, third, etc. relationship? Do you think it helped/slowed down your healing?
Dark Phoenix Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 First relationship, I was 20 at the time she was 19 (me 21, her 20 now). I begged/pleaded for about a week, looking back on it I regret doing it (and it wasn't intentional); however, If I didn't beg/plead I think I would regret just walking away... it's just one of those things where no matter what you do, you will regret something. Even though I do regret stooping to that level of begging I can walk away knowing that I did everything in my power to try and save the relationship. Initially I think it slowed down my healing, but it's been 5.5 months and now I think it fast tracked it. Knowing that I at least tried to fix what was broken eases my mind of the what ifs, so I'm not stuck on the fact. But having said that, If I ever feel so deeply for someone in the future and they break it off, I would not beg or plead. Just walk and accept that it is over.
Author DazyDaisy Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 If you don't mind me asking: In what way do you feel you begged/pleaded? I feel like you actually just tried rather than smothered her. It was only a week, so it makes me curious. Some people go on for months but you didn't so I'm just wondering what constitutes "pleading/begging" in your case. I think a decent amount of pleading can go a long away. It's sort of like the bargaining stage of loss that you kind of pull through quickly.
D-Lish Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I accepted my last break up and did no begging or pleading. The only time I've ever begged someone to come back was a relationship that ended 6 years ago- and then I found LS and saw the benefit of NC.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 If you don't mind me asking: In what way do you feel you begged/pleaded? I feel like you actually just tried rather than smothered her. It was only a week, so it makes me curious. Some people go on for months but you didn't so I'm just wondering what constitutes "pleading/begging" in your case. I think a decent amount of pleading can go a long away. It's sort of like the bargaining stage of loss that you kind of pull through quickly. My ex never actually said "it's over", it was just kind of insinuated over the phone (or by text, still not really sure). Either way, I went to her house after one of her classes one night and waited for her. My intentions were only to hear her tell me it's over and her reasons for ending the relationship. We dated for 3.5 years and I left that "meeting" with no answers and she never told me it was over. She gave me a lot of the lines like "it's not you it's me", "I just want to be alone right now", and she would tell me that she feels indifferent towards me but would also tell me she loves me. With every reason she gave me I countered her reason and proved her wrong (in every case). After being thrown from her feeling indifferent, to her loving me, I resorted to begging/pleading. Telling her all of the reasons why we make a good couple and that I didn't want to be with anybody except for her. I left that little get together with her hugging me and telling me "just give me until monday, we'll take a break until then". I never heard a word from her until that following monday when I showed up at her house again unannounced (she wasn't even going to give me her answer). When I showed up she said she didn't want to get back together (still never saying "it's over") and that we might be together in the future. She still told me she loved me, and would swing back to "I feel indifferent about you", all while she was crying. I went back to begging/pleading with more reasons as to why we make a great couple... nothing worked. From there I bought a ***** ton of "get your ex back" programs and followed them. I did NC for a full 3 weeks then went to meet her again. She freaked out on me and told me I was the crazy ex and that she would never have dated me if she knew of this side of me (which by the way, all I did was return her stuff in order to meet her after that 3 weeks). I went another 3 weeks of NC, at the end of the 3 weeks... I got the same outcome. No begging or pleading during these stages but it helps me walk away knowing that I did everything that I could. And with her calling me "the crazy ex", I called her out on it and she knows that she is wrong in that sense.
collegeguy_24 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 She was my second relationship, and I'm on my third now For weeks she looked me in the eye and told me she loved me and looked forward to a long term relationship. One day, out of no where she broke up with me. I begged like you wouldn't believe, and then one day, two weeks later she is in a new relationship on facebook. I bash her in a text message war, then in January I tried to get her back. I learned my lesson. If I could change things, I would never have begged for her, I never would have bashed her in a text message war, I never would have posted her name on the internet, etc. I would have acted like an adult, instead of acting like a child.
Zaphod B Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 1st one: Married 11 years. We'd both come to the end of our rope. We both wanted to move on. At first it was kind of hard and it was like "no, I don't really want this", but I didn't do any begging or pleading. I knew I'd be better off. 2nd one: Together 5 years. I ended it after many times having threatened to end it. I kept giving into her begging and pleading for forgiveness. In the end I had to be tough on myself and not give in. 3rd one: Ashamed to say I begged and pleaded to her. Wrote her many long emails trying to make her see sense and try to show that I was innocent of the claims she had made against me. I thought she might be more willing to listen if I pleaded, but now I realise she probably didn't respect that. I might have had more luck if I'd taken the assertive approach and stuck up for myself. She may have listened then.
Recommended Posts