Ergh! Broke NC, need words of encouragement...

[Thieves]

All I can say is: f*ck! Why did I do this?

 

It's been 7 or 8 months of NC, things were going well, and I broke it. All it was, was a short non-emotional email following up on his last one months ago which said to 'let him know how I'm doing'. I honestly don't know why I did this. I'm trying so hard not to feel like a fool, and just wish I could've stayed strong or at least WAITED to send the damn email.

 

Part of why I'm ashamed is that I only realized today that I don't really even want to hear from him till later on AFTER I sent the email. Do I really care how he's doing? Honestly, do I? So now I have to deal with him replying, if he even does. Now the ball's in his court AGAIN. Now he thinks I'm all wrapped up in his world AGAIN. But you know what, I'm going to stay strong. Do you guys think it's cheating if I pretended this didn't even happen and keep on with my 8 months NC? Because literally... it feels like another person sent that email to him. Just somebody say something... I'm bummed that I did this.

/vent.

[riggs]

Do you want him to reply? I'd say you did pretty good going 8 months with no contact.

[Thieves]

Do you want him to reply? I'd say you did pretty good going 8 months with no contact.

 

Thanks for replying, and yeah, I was proud of myself for going so long on my own without talking to him. I still am.

 

I seriously wish I could erase those few moments when I clicked the 'send' button for that email. I don't want him to reply, no. I thought I did at first, but now I think "Why?" Am I really that interested? That's what's so crazy about it! I was so happy and lovely and carefree and I thought to myself, hm, why not send what's his name a message and see what's up with him? Ergh. Don't want to know anymore.

[riggs]

I don't want to tell what you want to hear, but it's pretty obvious you still have feelings for him. Do you know what you will do if he responds?

[bikinibeach]

aw babe

 

My advice: take your power back!

 

A) close the email acct so if he does reply, he'll get an error msg

Or

B) block him. Then you won't be waiting and wondering if he 'll reply.

 

PS pm me your email I have a few articles for u

[bwilder]

it's important to remember we're human, and sometimes we're going to be curious, and that might overwhelm us. 8 months! That something to be proud of! Just put it behind you, if you can help it, don't look at like you gave him the power, he can't take your power if you don't let him, even if you did email him. Try not to be so hard on yourself, but remember to keep healing, to maybe one day you wont care if you email him or not. good luck!

[Thieves]

I don't want to tell what you want to hear, but it's pretty obvious you still have feelings for him. Do you know what you will do if he responds?

 

Riggs, thanks for being honest with me, but I'm not so sure that I still have feelings for him anymore. Like actual real feelings. He feels like a different person... like a stranger, since it's been so long. I think it's a case of my ego still being hurt right now? I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out why I did this...

 

aw babe

 

My advice: take your power back!

 

A) close the email acct so if he does reply, he'll get an error msg

Or

B) block him. Then you won't be waiting and wondering if he 'll reply.

 

I can't close the email account because of all the things I signed up for that go to that email, like for my jobs, online purchases, etc. But yeah, blocking sounds good.

 

it's important to remember we're human, and sometimes we're going to be curious, and that might overwhelm us. 8 months! That something to be proud of! Just put it behind you, if you can help it, don't look at like you gave him the power, he can't take your power if you don't let him, even if you did email him. Try not to be so hard on yourself, but remember to keep healing, to maybe one day you wont care if you email him or not. good luck!

 

Thanks, bwilder. I really appreciate it. You're right, I shouldn't look at it like I gave him the power, but it's hard when you feel like you caved in after all this time, you know?

 

The thing that gets me the most is that he might think I look pathetic and want to get back with him, while I was just trying to be friendly. He's the kinda guy that has girls going after him pretty often, so..

 

I admit I was a little hard on myself. I know I'm gonna mess up sometimes but geez, if only I'd thought twice about contacting him instead of being so careless.

[Badenov]

First off, don't beat yourself up. We all do things we wish we could undo. It's part of learning. There are no mistakes, just choices we make that teach us about ourselves.

 

Deal with it this way: You took the high road & showed him you bear no grudges. Don't worry about what HE thinks about it. You don't know & can't control it anyway. Waste of energy. What matters is what YOU think about your actions. Instead of it being a moment of weakness, think of it as a moment of strength--like an alcoholic who takes a sip of wine, then walks away to prove he can do it. You're simply testing your resistence.

 

NC is great for getting our emotions under control & gaining a better perspective, but you can't use it to run away. Face the situation & stand up for yourself.

[radiodarcy]

don't sweat it Thieves. it;s perfectly normal. from time to time i still sneak onto the acct i used to chat with the ex on just to see if he's logged in. but i don't count it because i just as quickly log back out (whether he's online or not) and i never say anything to him.

 

if he does reply, would you be inclined to want to read what he has to say? or would you be ok with deleting it without reading it?

[Graceful]

Thieves,

 

I'm a big believer in the notion that we learn the best lessons in life the hard way. So consider sending the email one of those lessons, and internalize how it's making you feel. You learned that your knee jerk reaction to sending your ex an email is causing you pain and regret, and I'll bet you anything, you either won't get the urge again, or if you do, you'll think about the way sending this one made you feel, and promptly ditch the idea.

 

You're a winner no matter how you look at it, so just take this as a lesson learned, with a little bit of "ouch" to it. Give yourself a break and consider this a slip-up and not a break in NC.

 

Give yourself a tiny dope slap while you're at it, for good measure. There ya go. You're on your way. Back to regularly scheduled NC.

[pink glitter]

Curiosity got the better of u, but like u said do u really give a s*#t how he's doing?! I know how u feel, I'm on 4 weeks NC now n now n again get these urges to txt him! I think u should carry on as u were doing so well x

[gbadboy]

So the next time you have an urge to write him again, write the email but before sending it, quickly change the email address to your own and then click send.

 

 

Allow yourself to read it and then think in a few days if this is in fact what you want to say. Chances are, in a day or so you'll be glad you didnt send it.

 

Also, I hear your point about him having the ball in his court. Its always good for them to have the last reply, not you.

 

It happend with my ex and I. - We were txting back and forth and it was good until he stopped texting. That annoyed me. I should have been the one to stop.

 

ANyway, another thing you can do is the next time you have the urge to send the email, the last thing you should write is "No need to reply to this email. Simply absorb it and take it all in"

 

That way, you don't sit and wonder why he isn't reply - at the same time, you know he's read it.

[Thieves]

You're a winner no matter how you look at it, so just take this as a lesson learned, with a little bit of "ouch" to it. Give yourself a break and consider this a slip-up and not a break in NC.

 

Give yourself a tiny dope slap while you're at it, for good measure. There ya go. You're on your way. Back to regularly scheduled NC.

 

Thanks, Grace, you always have such good advice. As well to everyone else, pink glitter, radiodarcy, Badenov, gdboy: thank you for all the equally lovely support.

 

I'm a lot calmer now, being that I created the thread on a whim soon after the slip-up happened. That's a bad habit of mine, reacting very strongly one minute and then chilling out in the next hour or two, haha. Kind of embarassing, but what can ya do.

 

Allow yourself to read it and then think in a few days if this is in fact what you want to say. Chances are, in a day or so you'll be glad you didnt send it.

 

Agree 100%. Know what's weird? That's almost the exact same advice I gave someone else recently: write out what you want to say, keep it short, keep it positive, and WAIT at least a few days. Then read it again for clarity. I did all of that, except the last thing - waiting. Sigh.

 

if he does reply, would you be inclined to want to read what he has to say? or would you be ok with deleting it without reading it?

 

That's quite a tough one. Well, if anything, by this point I've already thought a thousand times of him rattling on about his girlfriend - if he's still with her. At this point I honest-to-God don't care, the pain and damage he caused has been done regardless of his status. So I'm basically numb to it now.

 

I'm also numb to it because I already have past experience with him rubbing his overflowing abundance of happiness about his lovely girlfriends in my face. So it wouldn't be a shocker if he continues in that particular pattern of his. I wasn't planning on responding for a long time if at all, no matter what it says. I'd be curious about what he had to say, but I wouldn't be too interested in responding immediately. If that makes sense.. sounds like a contradiction, I know.

[radiodarcy]

[quote=Thieves;3626436

That's quite a tough one. Well, if anything, by this point I've already thought a thousand times of him rattling on about his girlfriend - if he's still with her. At this point I honest-to-God don't care, the pain and damage he caused has been done regardless of his status. So I'm basically numb to it now.

 

I'm also numb to it because I already have past experience with him rubbing his overflowing abundance of happiness about his lovely girlfriends in my face. So it wouldn't be a shocker if he continues in that particular pattern of his. I wasn't planning on responding for a long time if at all, no matter what it says. I'd be curious about what he had to say, but I wouldn't be too interested in responding immediately. If that makes sense.. sounds like a contradiction, I know.

 

lol. i get what you mean. it's normal to want to know what he's up to. i don't think i would want to know what my ex was up to either. but if he did respond, i'd take my time reading it - - sort of as a way to mentally prepare myself.

 

but yes, he used to do the same thing as well - - rub my nose in all the dates he had lined up. how this girl was awesome and had all the same interests as him and how that girl had a bangin' body and was totally into him

 

i honestly don't think i'll ever be immune to hearing those details again and for that reason, i'm staying put with NC

 

i sent him a slew of emails (at least ten - - and that's a conservative estimate) over a 2.5 years period telling him how i felt, and how badly i wanted a relationship with him; to no avail.

\

so each time i get the urge to contact i remind myself of how painful it was the fifty other times is did that (gotta include all those ignored texts and IMs ). and if i still have the urge to write it - - i send it to myself like Gbadboy said.

[Thierro]

It’s not a power struggle. You do the things you do to learn from them. Breaking NC is just one of the many roads you can take. It’s not right or wrong. Be the observer of your mind right now. Listen to that little voice inside you and notice how irrational it can sound. How it manipulates you into doing things. Take a step back and observe it. That little voice needs to stop bitching around.

[Thieves]

It’s not a power struggle. You do the things you do to learn from them. Breaking NC is just one of the many roads you can take. It’s not right or wrong. Be the observer of your mind right now. Listen to that little voice inside you and notice how irrational it can sound. How it manipulates you into doing things. Take a step back and observe it. That little voice needs to stop bitching around.

 

 

You're right, Thierro. It's not a power struggle, and I am learning more and more everyday. The little voice is calmer now, quieter. What's strange is no matter how loud it's yelling, usually I'm able to ignore it. Don't know why I decide to listen to it this time, but obviously I know better now, right?

[Besmy]

Hello lovely Thieves,

 

You said your e-mail was an answer to a previous e-mail of his; so you were just replying, it wasn't entirely your initiative.

 

Was its content a little bit flirtatious or too sentimental that you worry that much?

 

Anyway, do not worry, I mean after 8 months I would be very surprised if he thought that you are still there waiting for him (whether this is true or not it is not his problem...).

 

I tell you what I do when I feel the urge to inform my ex sloth what a piece of psycho-retarded sick australopithecus he is. I just pretend, that is I imagine, that I am sending him a txt. It works for me!

And you can bet, all these "imaginary" messages I pretend to send him are not in the least romantic, but reflect my anger and his disgusting behaviour.

 

One would be, for example (just to make you smile...):

"You have to explain me mate, why didn't you return my brand-new cooking pans? Are you such a fk...n lice-covered beggar that you cannot afford to buy new ones or did your sick mind suggest to keep them in the morbid hope that I would claim them back? Now get them and put them deep up your a... I know you're never gonna use them. Go back to you dogs food you were having before meeting me and do us all a favour, choke on it!."

 

So I click on my imaginary phone and I send my imaginary sms in the universe, I don't know why but I think somebody is reading them all.........

 

A hug!

[Thieves]

Hello lovely Thieves,

 

You said your e-mail was an answer to a previous e-mail of his; so you were just replying, it wasn't entirely your initiative.

 

Was its content a little bit flirtatious or too sentimental that you worry that much?

 

Besmy, there you are! Now, was the email flirtatious? Not at all. It was very short, light-hearted 'Hey, how are things going? Alright, guess I'll talk to you later' kind of thing. Not sentimental, not flirtatious. God, it would've been even worse if I had the nerve to contact him AND be overly flirty right off the bat. I seriously would've had to gnaw my own damn hands off to insure it never happened again.

 

Anyway, do not worry, I mean after 8 months I would be very surprised if he thought that you are still there waiting for him (whether this is true or not it is not his problem...).

 

Actually... I wouldn't be too surprised if he thought I was still somehow waiting on him. It makes me wonder if this is something some men are more inclined to think than women? I remember reading something on it somewhere on the interwebs, but can't recall where. But yes, I wouldn't be shocked. Considering when I first tried NC two years ago (for about 3 months) and contacted him again, he was 'oh so happy to hear from me', 'missed me so much', and then later nonchalantly joked that he might just 'jump my bones'... him being semi-serious about it. As if he assumed my feelings hadn't changed for him AT ALL and I still would've allowed him to 'jump me' after all that time.

 

And you can bet, all these "imaginary" messages I pretend to send him are not in the least romantic, but reflect my anger and his disgusting behaviour.

 

One would be, for example (just to make you smile...):

"You have to explain me mate, why didn't you return my brand-new cooking pans?

:laugh:

 

...So I click on my imaginary phone and I send my imaginary sms in the universe, I don't know why but I think somebody is reading them all.........

 

Hahah! Yes! Awesome way to cope. And I actually kind of did that at first! I'd pretend I was writing something to him on paper and release all of that God-forsaken anger out on him, and literally imagine myself mailing it and him coming home to a nice little present in his mailbox. It did work, so I don't why I stopped doing it..

 

A hug!

 

Thanks, Besmy.

[Besmy]

You are right about men thinking that you will always be there for them, still in love with them after years. They're delusional.

Also my ex-ex (the ape) who called me after a year thought I was still in love with him although he had no reason to believe it.

 

So you didn't write anything sentimental, well, then don't worry sweetie, go back to NC.

 

I hope you are moving on eh! Stop thinking about this guy, he is not the only man on earth endowed with the magic stick. Plenty of nice guys out there!

Instead of wanting what we cannot have, we should enjoy what we can have.

 

[Besmy]

Gosh, I mean, why would a man unable to cook not return my cooking pans?????

 

sick sick sick sick sick

[Thieves]

You are right about men thinking that you will always be there for them, still in love with them after years. They're delusional.

Also my ex-ex (the ape) who called me after a year thought I was still in love with him although he had no reason to believe it.

 

The ape. Yes, I read about him too. A whole damn year?

 

I hope you are moving on eh! Stop thinking about this guy, he is not the only man on earth endowed with the magic stick. Plenty of nice guys out there!

Instead of wanting what we cannot have, we should enjoy what we can have.

 

 

Haha! Yeah, definitely more magic sticks out there... My mind is slowly filtering out all the thoughts of him with each week, it seems. Can't wait till I have a 'clean slate', finally.