wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Okay, so as you all probably know I am 2 days shy of 4 weeks NC with a xMM of ten years!!! Whoop, Whoop!!! The first two weeks....AWFUL!!! I cried my heart out, I cried so much that around my eyes were raw. I was in a VERY dark place, and I NEVER want to be there again. Then the following 10 days.......ANGER!!!! I was so pissed, I wished every single bad thing on him I could. That was interupted a couple of times with the sad/crying days....but for the most part....just one pissed off Irish b***h!!!! Now....its weird and I'm not for sure what is going on. I'm not crying, i'm not angry....just sad. Sad, but not with that extreme emotional saddness I had. Sad that I was a fool, sad that he doesn't love me, sad that he doesn't miss me, sad that I do love and miss him. Just sad. But no real rage of emotions. Which i'm not used to, as I think those passionate emotions, good or bad, is what got me addicted to this damn thing to begin with. So, is this normal?? Does anyone have a clue as to what is going on??? Because this seriously is uncharted territory for me.
whichwayisup Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Like everything else in life when dealing with the rough stuff, grieving and working through stuff takes a while. There are stages that just happen naturally. I think you're in a normal range of handling things, quite strongly might I add! Your attitude and grace in processing the break up and how you're coping overall is pretty good. don't beat yourself up, be PROUD of the progress you've made! Seriously, go and celebrate. Shop, buy yourself something special.. Or go with some friends, do a spa day.
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Thanks for the uplifting thoughts ladies. I really do appreciate it. Glad to know i'm actually normal, as this feels very strange. But, no matter the saddness.... I have decided that I deserve more than this. I won't go back. He deserves to be were he wants to be, she deserves him alone (god help her) and me out of the picture, they deserve eachother. I will no loner support the demise of myself or anyone else. And you know the stubborn irish...when we make our minds up....its DONE. But still... I love him, I miss him, yada yada yada. Just not used to being so somber about this.
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 ^^ This ^^ I was going to say something along those lines, but it was said beautifully before me btw SIT.... I LOVE TX. My fav state!!!!
TurningTables Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 WBD: Wow! Congrats! 4 weeks! You should go and treat yourself..only you should be doing this often to keep your mind off of ..um..Him or aka jerkface. lol What you are feeling is normal. BTDT. You will go through all sorts of emotions from sadness to missing him to being totally pissed off and angry. All of the sudden, things will start to plateau. They will start evening out. You will get through the day and go OMG: I didnt think of him once. And then some days you will be pulled back down memory lane. The latter one will get less and less. I promise you that it gets better. And then: The promised land....
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 WBD: Wow! Congrats! 4 weeks! You should go and treat yourself..only you should be doing this often to keep your mind off of ..um..Him or aka jerkface. lol What you are feeling is normal. BTDT. You will go through all sorts of emotions from sadness to missing him to being totally pissed off and angry. All of the sudden, things will start to plateau. They will start evening out. You will get through the day and go OMG: I didnt think of him once. And then some days you will be pulled back down memory lane. The latter one will get less and less. I promise you that it gets better. And then: The promised land.... God, I hope so. I was rather enjoying the anger days. It was easier. This nonemotional saddness is ridiculous. I hate it.
Gentlegirl Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 God, I hope so. I was rather enjoying the anger days. It was easier. This nonemotional saddness is ridiculous. I hate it. Well done for 4 weeks NC. You are on the way for sure. This period is the lull before the storm. I was in a relationship with Xmongrel for 3 years and the emotions still come in waves. I can have a couple of really good weeks and then hit a low patch. It's usally triggered by a memory or an anniversary of something that was significant last year.... **** I wish the first year of NC was over! It's been 9 months now. I know from experiencing the deaths of several loved ones that after the first year, things seem to gradually get better. Time takes care of the pain and memories. It's impossible to hold on to those intense emotions forever. Nature seems to take over and the healing begins. This is supposed to be similar in that the grieving can take a year or sometimes more. It's important for you to acknowledge that whatever you are feeling at the moment is right. Don't question any of the feelings you will have because they will be many and varied. It's all part of the process. The important thing for you is not to go back where you were. Gentlegirl
Spark1111 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Read up on PTSD or the five stages of grief. What you feel now is frequently referred to as the plain of lethal flatness. It is a protection and a break from the rollercoaster of extreme stress. It will come back periodically to protect you. We feel numb when the psyche can't take too much more. The waves of extreme emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) often overlap. You have made it through the worst of it. Be proud!
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Well done for 4 weeks NC. You are on the way for sure. This period is the lull before the storm. I was in a relationship with Xmongrel for 3 years and the emotions still come in waves. I can have a couple of really good weeks and then hit a low patch. It's usally triggered by a memory or an anniversary of something that was significant last year.... **** I wish the first year of NC was over! It's been 9 months now. I know from experiencing the deaths of several loved ones that after the first year, things seem to gradually get better. Time takes care of the pain and memories. It's impossible to hold on to those intense emotions forever. Nature seems to take over and the healing begins. This is supposed to be similar in that the grieving can take a year or sometimes more. It's important for you to acknowledge that whatever you are feeling at the moment is right. Don't question any of the feelings you will have because they will be many and varied. It's all part of the process. The important thing for you is not to go back where you were. Gentlegirl Thx to you GG, my aussie friend. I appreciate your words.
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Read up on PTSD or the five stages of grief. What you feel now is frequently referred to as the plain of lethal flatness. It is a protection and a break from the rollercoaster of extreme stress. It will come back periodically to protect you. We feel numb when the psyche can't take too much more. The waves of extreme emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) often overlap. You have made it through the worst of it. Be proud! THANK YOU SPARK!!! This is what I was looking for. I am a antalitical thinker. I will definitely start reading up on this. I really appreciate it!!!
So Very Confused Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Okay, so as you all probably know I am 2 days shy of 4 weeks NC with a xMM of ten years!!! Whoop, Whoop!!! The first two weeks....AWFUL!!! I cried my heart out, I cried so much that around my eyes were raw. I was in a VERY dark place, and I NEVER want to be there again. Then the following 10 days.......ANGER!!!! I was so pissed, I wished every single bad thing on him I could. That was interupted a couple of times with the sad/crying days....but for the most part....just one pissed off Irish b***h!!!! Now....its weird and I'm not for sure what is going on. I'm not crying, i'm not angry....just sad. Sad, but not with that extreme emotional saddness I had. Sad that I was a fool, sad that he doesn't love me, sad that he doesn't miss me, sad that I do love and miss him. Just sad. But no real rage of emotions. Which i'm not used to, as I think those passionate emotions, good or bad, is what got me addicted to this damn thing to begin with. So, is this normal?? Does anyone have a clue as to what is going on??? Because this seriously is uncharted territory for me. I'm so proud of you for sticking with the NC so long. I know it's miserable. (believe me - I KNOW) I think being apart is easier when I'm angry too. When I'm angry I feel motivated to change things for the better. Sadness is just another step in the process though. It's part of saying goodbye to your old hopes and dreams. That's never easy for anyone for any reason. I know what you mean about the roller coaster too. It's exciting even if it is terrifying. I know a lot of people get scared when the flatness hits. It's perfectly normal. Please don't make any choices right now you are going to regret. This flat, sad time is just part of the process and you'll get through it and onto better things. Stay focused on what you want and try not to look back. And you are crazy if you think he doesn't love you or miss you. Of course he misses you and loves you. You were together for 10 years and you are one of the most compassionate, thoughtful, well spoken people I've encountered around here. You know he's got to be missing you. He's just to much of a f*cktard to realize it. He's too busy listening to the sound of how awesome he is. That's how he is and he's not going to change. He may not love you or miss you like you want, but he loved you the best way he could. Bless his little heart though, he's just not capable of letting anything be about anyone but him.
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I'm so proud of you for sticking with the NC so long. I know it's miserable. (believe me - I KNOW) I think being apart is easier when I'm angry too. When I'm angry I feel motivated to change things for the better. Sadness is just another step in the process though. It's part of saying goodbye to your old hopes and dreams. That's never easy for anyone for any reason. I know what you mean about the roller coaster too. It's exciting even if it is terrifying. I know a lot of people get scared when the flatness hits. It's perfectly normal. Please don't make any choices right now you are going to regret. This flat, sad time is just part of the process and you'll get through it and onto better things. Stay focused on what you want and try not to look back. And you are crazy if you think he doesn't love you or miss you. Of course he misses you and loves you. You were together for 10 years and you are one of the most compassionate, thoughtful, well spoken people I've encountered around here. You know he's got to be missing you. He's just to much of a f*cktard to realize it. He's too busy listening to the sound of how awesome he is. That's how he is and he's not going to change. He may not love you or miss you like you want, but he loved you the best way he could. Bless his little heart though, he's just not capable of letting anything be about anyone but him. Ahh, thx SVC. I appreciate it...and i have to say... I haven't heard many people outside of me that say ftard. So, how have you been doing, friend?
So Very Confused Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Ahh, thx SVC. I appreciate it...and i have to say... I haven't heard many people outside of me that say ftard. So, how have you been doing, friend? F-tard is reserved for special cases! I don't give that "diagnosis" to just anyone. I'm up and down. I've failed at NC but haven't actually seen the MM. Just a couple of emails back and forth. He's trying every tactic in the world (except leaving his W) to keep me around. I don't want to TJ so maybe I'll update my thread. It's all so stupid though I hate to waste space on the screen with it. I'm in a much better place than I was a few days ago though and I thank you and LS for that. I'm so scared that I'm going to cave and make a bad decision and backslide. I have all of these stupid rationalizations in my head. "We'll just do the FWB thing until I meet someone else", "what if he's really the one and I'm going to regret this", "what if I never meet someone else anyway" blah blah blah. I'm sure you know how that goes.
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 F-tard is reserved for special cases! I don't give that "diagnosis" to just anyone. I'm up and down. I've failed at NC but haven't actually seen the MM. Just a couple of emails back and forth. He's trying every tactic in the world (except leaving his W) to keep me around. I don't want to TJ so maybe I'll update my thread. It's all so stupid though I hate to waste space on the screen with it. I'm in a much better place than I was a few days ago though and I thank you and LS for that. I'm so scared that I'm going to cave and make a bad decision and backslide. I have all of these stupid rationalizations in my head. "We'll just do the FWB thing until I meet someone else", "what if he's really the one and I'm going to regret this", "what if I never meet someone else anyway" blah blah blah. I'm sure you know how that goes. I know you are scared, and I understand. I don't care if you t/j mine....but to make you feel better, go on tonight and update yours. I want to talk to you about it and through it. We can help eachother. Youre doing great!
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I think the sadness you feel OP is quite common. For me the sadness is really about the sense of loss. The loss of what was and what might have been. The sense of loss can feel awful and can happen after a relationship ends after 10 years or even 10 weeks, and people try to avoid it at all costs if they can, sometimes by going back or contacting their ex, etc. But if you know in your heart its over you can work through it. Thx Jane. I completely agree. It is a loss, of a lot. What we had, what we could have had. I think even the loss of I always had that hope that my life would get better. And when I realized it was done, it like the hope of that is gone, and this is my life. I know that I can't find my happiness in someone else, I'm learning that. In the past with NC, that is exactly what I did. Start to hurt like hell with NC, and then started thinking "well he will call at some point" in order to help stop the pain, and when he did .... I was right back there. This time I think "I know he will call, but it makes no difference, this is over". I know in my heart I love him, I know he isn't leaving, (maybe years later, but not now),and I can no longer play this game. So, I have no other option but NC. Thx for your support!
So Very Confused Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I know you are scared, and I understand. I don't care if you t/j mine....but to make you feel better, go on tonight and update yours. I want to talk to you about it and through it. We can help eachother. Youre doing great! I'll do that. And really, thanks for all your help!!!
Author wannabdone Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I'll do that. And really, thanks for all your help!!! DITTO!!!! Thanks for yours as well!
Author wannabdone Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 It IS the greatest state ever! We're Texas Proud for a reason My H and I were in Vegas recently and we took a tour out to Red Rock. It was just us and a couple from England. The tour guide introduced us and (as we had been picked up first) told the couple from England that we were from Texas. The guy from England asked my husband "Where's your trophy?" My H looked at him and kinda said "what?" The guy says "You know, your hat. Doesn't everyone in Texas have a big cowboy hat?" My H kinda grinned and said "Yes, yes we do". We kinda chuckled and left it at that. Too funny!!! I consider TX my home state. I was raised there as a kid. Love it, still love going back. And try to as much as possible!!!
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