mo mo Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 If you have sex on the first date, does it have any effect on the level of respect you have for the person? Would you introduce this person to your family? Just curious...
Titania22 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 If you have sex on the first date, does it have any effect on the level of respect you have for the person? Would you introduce this person to your family? Just curious... Good question. I am curious about it to. I wouldn't judge anyone for it myself, but I wonder often men do.
omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Is sex on the first date a big deal? Only if you make it one.
tman666 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 It would probably make me wonder how many other dudes my date has done the same thing with. Then again, it's not like I'd have much room to talk at that point either, soooooooooo...
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Heh, honestly, I personally wouldn't be able to take them seriously... nor myself with them.
9Lives Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 It affected my relationship in a negative way. Sex too soon. I would say IT Could
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) If sex on a first date is normal for a person and they are used to sexual intimacy with relative strangers, then it fits with their psychology and should not be an inhibition to a healthy relationship, presuming that's what they want and their partner is compatible in that regard. Relationship building, for them, is a separate, but important, compartment. IMO, the key is compatibility. If I were to date such a person, my style would be incompatible and if I 'adjusted' it to first date sex I would become way too invested in the dynamic to be a healthy partner for that person, who would view the sexual component completely differently. Different paths. Find someone on the same path and walk it together. Wrt things like 'introducing to family', that's where I'd be getting way ahead of reality and probably scaring the other person half to death, mainly because I'd be assuming more emotionally than was really there. Edited September 14, 2011 by carhill
alphamale Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 If you have sex on the first date, does it have any effect on the level of respect you have for the person? ... no, not really
Casablanca Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 If they are willing to have sex on the first date, it would make me wonder what else they have done; random sex with guys at parties/bars, etc I wouldnt see them again...this is if I just met someone, if it was someone say I was friends with first and this was our first "official" date or what ever, that would be different, but if we had only known each other for say a week or so, then it is a no-no
ja123 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I've done it - but only with FWB-types. If you want a relationship, then I think it's best to wait.
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I'll join Alpha in that regard; no change in respect for the other person but it might change my perception of self-respect due to letting outside influences alter my natural sexual style. Sorry about not addressing that in my response.
alphamale Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I'll join Alpha in that regard; no change in respect for the other person but it might change my perception of self-respect due to letting outside influences alter my natural sexual style. Sorry about not addressing that in my response. it takes two to tango
Stung Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Once in my 20s, I had spent a few weeks being evaluated by a neurologist and an oncologist, getting CTs of my head, a lot of blood draws, etc. After spending over a month thinking there was probably something horribly wrong with me, on my last appt. I was told that hey, it was nothing, oops. I was perfectly fine. I went out celebrating LIFE with a couple of friends, and we were tossing back some drinks and feeling alive. I met an interesting guy at the bar and I picked him up as a little present to myself and took him home. We ended up dating seriously for two years, and we're still friends to this day, 10+ years later. When I was 30, I met a guy through an online venue, but I lived in a different city/state than he did. We communicated in IM pretty much every day for months, talked on the phone occasionally, felt very close to each other. We were trying to be rational and casual because neither of us really believed in long distance romances, but then our first date where we first met in person turned into a 3-day-long marathon and then we were flying back and forth every other week and six months later I moved to live with him and now we are happily married and have kids. As is so often my answer on these boards, I think that life is complicated and easy answers are often knee-jerk and rather narrow.
omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 it takes two to tango And three to make an Eiffel Tower. What?
Thornton Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 If you have sex on the first date, does it have any effect on the level of respect you have for the person? I would never have sex on the first date... but if I did, it wouldn't affect my respect for the other person, as I did the exact same thing. I would wonder whether they were typically that promiscuous though. Would you introduce this person to your family? Yes, if we continued dating for a while and got on well. It would be like any other relationship. However I'm aware that others don't always see it this way; many people see someone who has sex quickly as not being a serious relationship prospect.
alphamale Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Sex is a big deal whenever it happens. maybe for you
oaks Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 maybe for you Well, yes. You wouldn't expect me to be giving someone else's opinion.
rafallus Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 If two parties are consenting and use protection, then no, it isn't a big deal.
CarrieT Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 For 25 years, I usually always slept with a guy on a first date - or a second. Sometimes it has worked but most of the time, it has not. I am in my late 40s and single and looking for a long-term relationship. Only recently have I had the experience of dating a man who insisted on not having sex right off the bat and it was a truly enlightening experience for me. As I am going back into the dating world again, I will completely refrain from sex on a first date from now on.
Carlos S Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I see no problems with sex on the first date If anything, it'd tip my impression of them slightly in their favour (but ever so slightly) Look, I have fairly progressive attitudes (in several ways) and hope that whoever I date shares them in general. In particular, I don't feel like I have to not-sleep with someone on the first date simply because it's not conventional. In fact, I take an approach to sex that we're "nothing but mammals" - it feels fantastic for no more than innate biological reasons, and because of that there's nothing objectionable to doing it out of pure enjoyment
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I would not consider anyone I slept with on a first date to be LTR material.. so the answer would be no on both questions. Since I'm looking for a LTR, I don't do it. And if guy presses, he's made himself a non-candidate for a LTR with me. I enjoy sex as much or more than anyone...but learned long ago that early sex has a low (not impossible...just low) probability of leading to a healthy LTR. If I wasn't looking for a LTR, I suppose it wouldn't matter much when it happened. IMHO, sex on the 3-4th date with a person who was a total stranger before then (ie with online dating) is just the same as sex on the 1st.
LittleTiger Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Sex is a big deal whenever it happens. Agreed! Would I lose respect for them? Probably. About the same amount of respect I would lose for myself. Sex on a first date just isn't my thing.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 It's not a good idea, but there are some extenuating circumstances in which i feel it would be OK. For one, have exposure to each other a lot in school, professionally or w/e where you both know you've longed to finally date and the date has lived up to expectations and there's nothing but chemistry and magnetism. It may still be not a good idea but who wants to be sensible just then? Let's just go crazy and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully you're partner doesn't have a guilt brody the next morning. Other than that it can become the new best night of your life.
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