just be happy???

[ConfusedT]

is that too much to ask for?? i was OK, thought i had improved & now im feeling sad again, what gives?

 

i do so much better and then i just feel worse. its such a damn up & down emotional mess. i dont know what triggered this. i was feeling happy, like really good and now.

 

=(

 

i heard it takes half the time of the relationship to really let go? so almost 6 months?!?!? its only been like 2... when does it get significantly better?

i wish there was some medicine to end the pain, bc i need it!

 

ugh

[headsashed]

i wish there was some medicine out there,but sadly there isnt,and as for it takin half the time to get over someone,well ive some way to go,im on like day 3 and we were together 2 years lol,so i hope thats not true.

[eleanorhurting]

My ex and I had been together for 1 year and we broke up in december 2010. I was devastated and i wanted to wait a long time before dating again but I dated again in April and I was definitely not ready. My heart feels even more broken than before. Back then I pretended I was better but I was clearly not.

 

Healing definitely takes time as I have learned.

[ConfusedT]

oh crap. that's what i heard to emotionally heal you need half the time. im sure it varies, but UGH, i feel for you. in all honesty, when I left my boyfriend of 5 years, i moved right on, but i was the dumper, when I got dumped, it took a significantly longer time. my ex of a year took me 4.5 months, my other ex of a year took me almost 6 months and my ex of 3 years took me 1 year to be fully, fully over him, so hell who knows, but this guy right here... damn near killed me!

 

i hope you get a little better, but its realllly early for you!

[ConfusedT]

ele- i truly think it is different for everyone! im sorry you werent ready. i have been on a million dates trying to ease the pain, when i'd rather just have one second with my ex... i must be crazy because he hurt me so much.... i know i am actually, but i am strong and i have not contacted him since august... and he's only called me once =(

 

i hope you find happiness!!!

[eleanorhurting]

Confused- IM glad you have not contacted him since August!

with the guy I was "dating" since april I have not contacted him for 5 days and its very little but im proud of me. He contacted me yesterday and i ignored him

 

I was not ready at all. I felt tremendous guilt over my december breakup and I was very depressed and feeling worthless and these feelings carried on into the rebound (that I didnt think was a rebound at the time) and he basically ended up having me on a hook and stringing me along all this time. And since I was still feeling so worthless and sad I let it happen. I had no backbone and no self esteem and was extremely needy. I kept wanting to have what I had with my ex and beating myself up about how it was all my fault that I had lost him.

 

Funny, around the time the whole breakup with rebound guy happened (2 weeks ago), my ex contacted me out of nowhere. It was the first real conversation we had since January. He told me his tumor had come back but that he was better (he was a recovering cancer patient) and that he had forgiven me for everything that happened between us and he told me that he really was not the right person for me and that he wished me happiness because i deserved it. I felt at peace with this So I guess NC all those months really did work for both of us. And Im sure it will for you.

[AniD5061]

Let me tell you about what I call the dark place.

 

The dark place is a place of mixed emotions. Depression, panic, anger, extreme sadness, loneliness, emptiness, and desperation are hallmarks of this dark place. There were times when I spent months in the dark place of going through the motions of life and actually allowing myself to be drowned by the dark place. It consumed me and I made no effort, nor did I even want to leave. It fact, it was comforting. If I just let myself feel the pain I would be connected to the relationship still. It was love addiction that didn’t allow me to leave, but it was my self-love that forced me out. I understand more than anyone that the dark place is like a virtual quicksand. It sinks you in so easily, but when its time to get out, the effort is enormous. I once spent three days on the couch in a comatose like state. When I woke up I realized I had lost weight, and I smelled from lack of showering. Its amazing how we can become so far deep into the dark place that the whole world stops around us.

I didn’t wake up suddenly from the dark place, but it was gradual over a few days. I told myself that I had to try. The key word that I replayed over and over again was “try”. I knew that I couldn’t live in the dark place forever when I had a looming career and life was passing me by. When the suicidal thoughts entered my mind, I knew that I had taken it too far. It was time to try. The healing and grieving process can take months after a relationship, but I gave the three letter word so much power. Even if I didn’t feel like getting dressed out of my pajamas, I forced myself to try. When I didn’t feel like going out with the girls, I told myself to try. I didn’t want to do anything but be alone in my house and surround myself with the dark place. The point is that we all get there. Trying to climb out of the dark place and into the light is based on how much you are willing to try. And how much effort you put is based on how much you love your-self.

Emerging from the dark place for my last and final time, I decided that I would not focus on what went wrong in the relationship, but that I would focus on myself. The common denominator in all my failed past romantic lovers was me. I was the one that was the toxic mediator and it was time to change. I decided that I could not, or would not enter into another crazy relationship that I would inevitably end up once again in the dark place. This is the part where I put my foot down and say no. I was going to take control.

 

Sorry this is so long of a post, but I wanted to tell you how much I can relate to the emotional roller coaster of a break up. Just force yourself to try and if you love your self enough you will succeed. Focus on becoming a better person for the next relationship rather than focusing on the past one.

 

 

 

Hope my two cents helps. Good luck.

[ConfusedT]

ele- it's funny how they always come back at the worst times huh? mine always came back when i was already moved on. i have a feeling this one wont come back until he has lost everything when he finally realizes he really had everything with me... =( sighs

 

Anid- i feel you so much. i was in that place for so long, but i couldnt just sit on the couch because i had a kid. i would have to be trapped inside that place mentally, but sit there and put on a fasad for the world to see while i was dying inside. i didnt want to eat sleep live, i didnt want to do anything. all i wanted was for him to come and comfort me, the only person who could have fixed things, at least i thought, was him, unfortunately, he never came to my rescue, as i had him so many times... i never let him down. i was THE perfect girlfriend, in so many ways, and when he left, i got thrown into that hell that you are speaking of. on the weekends, i didnt have my son, i would just lie there in hopes of a text, a call, anything something to signify that i meant something to him, that everything i did for him, that everything i went through for him, that everything i stood by him through, meant something, meant anything, but in the end- it meant nothing to him, i meant nothing to him, i still mean nothing to him. he put me through the worst HELL i have ever been through in my life. it has taken every ounce of emotional strength that i had (which was very little) to even get to the point i am not. it KILLED me to know that he left me for her, it KILLED me to know that he could walk away so easily, but most of all it hurt that he never loved me in the first place because he had been messing with her behind my back the entire TIME!

my heart goes out for everyone that is there, has been there and will be there. it is the worst feeling in the world bc nothing but time can heal it! but i promise you, you will get stronger, if you want to. its all up to you in the end, you can let it ruin you or you can let it make you a better person and teach you something. if its good its wonderful, if its bad, its experience. i know what i will NEVER do again & i know what i will NEVER settle for again. i created a fairytale life with someone who couldn't even appreciate me for me and that was my downfall, everyone, my friends, my family, hell HIS FAMILY, knew the deal, but i couldnt see past him...

 

& in the end, he left me all alone when i needed him the most & this made me who i am today. i still have my weak moments, but i will never allow myself to be that vulnerable again... i guess ive learned to trust only myself now! =(

[flitzanu]

if it's any consolation, it's been nearly a year for me, and i'm still sad. most of us never truly heal or get "over it", we just get better at hiding it and keeping it away from the surface.