P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 A month and a half ago I went to go see my family that are live in another state. Since then my girlfriend has completely changed in our relationship, and it bothers me. I told her that I would be out of contact for three days on the trip so I warned her in advance. When I got home she started treating me differently. The first thing that happened is her texting immediately stopped. She won't text me anymore unless I text her first. Before she would send all kinds of cutsie messages and want to talk all of the time. Now it's not uncommon if all I get is "good night". It's getting worse, now when I text her I don't get a reply very often. I know she's not busy either, and that is the thing that bothers me. She is making a concious decision to ignore me. When we're together she has changed too. At the movie theaters she no longer wants to snuggle with me. We're also spending less time together. Two weeks ago she was about to not even hang out with me that week. She sensed that it would probably make me upset so she hung out with me anyways. It was awkward at first that day but it got better so....... This behavior baffles me because she was completely different before the trip. She was affectionate, loving, and we were spending more time than ever together. We would have conversations over text, we truely enjoyed each other. She couldn't keep her hands off of me and all of this changed over the course of one weekend. What is she thinking? Why is she doing this? I plan to have a talk with her because quite frankly this is unsettling, and hurting.
waynesworld Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Are you sure that she turned off suddenly like a faucet though? Maybe she's been shutting things down slowly for a while, and you didn't notice, and your out-of-state trip only happened to be a coincidence? Sounds like something's definitely up. Her behaviour describes to a T what I used to do when I lost interest in someone and started working on my exit strategy.
Stung Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 You might hear a lot of guesses, but nobody is going to know for sure until you talk to her. She's not currently treating you well, which is what you really need to know, and that has to be addressed. She could be upset about something she heard you got up to that weekend, or just paranoid, or just controlling. She could be hurt that you didn't want to contact her while you were gone, but not mature/direct enough to explain that she considers that unacceptable. She could be feeling guilty because SHE got up to something that weekend. She could have just found out she is pregnant, and she's pulling away trying to figure out what she's going to do. She could have started using drugs. She could have started recovering memories of some childhood abuse which she is afraid to talk about. She could be worried about and preoccupied with a family member's situation which she's not supposed to talk about. She could actually be being held captive in a mansion in Buenos Aires, and you are dealing with her previously long-lost and highly secretive evil twin.
Author P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Are you sure that she turned off suddenly like a faucet though? Maybe she's been shutting things down slowly for a while, and you didn't notice, and your out-of-state trip only happened to be a coincidence? Sounds like something's definitely up. Her behaviour describes to a T what I used to do when I lost interest in someone and started working on my exit strategy. I'm sure of it. She did turn off like a faucet. Before the trip it was the best our relationship has ever been. We were spending a lot of time together, more than ever. It was by her accord as well. She even took me to an expensive play out of the blue. What you're saying is my fear, though...... She keeps talking about the future even now, and it includes me but something is not right here. I'm going to have a talk with her about it today. How should I approach this talk?
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) You leaving probably bothered her on some deep level. Perhaps she didn't trust you and has since lost interest or she is at least interested in detaching from you... If she's unwilling to communicate with you and let you know what's really going on inside of her head, your relationship with her may have ran its course... How should I approach this talk? Calmly bring up your concerns --- that you've noticed she's been distant and ask her if something in her life is upsetting her. Don't assume it's you, just ask in a general way... and let her you're willing to help her if she needs but also let her know how you feel with how she's handling things. Edited September 14, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Author P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Well... I did go to a wedding, and she kept saying things like "don't cheat" in a joking way, yet kind of serious way.... That has me a little unsettled. It would be a lie if I said cheating hadn't crossed my mind. I do know that if she did cheat it would come out eventually, one way or another. That girl has an overactive conscience. She can't hide anything she feels guilty of for too long, it eats her apart. I've never caught her in a lie and she has been nothing but truthful with me. She is probably the most honest person I've ever met. If she did cheat it will come out sooner or later.
Author P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 You leaving probably bothered her on some deep level. Perhaps she didn't trust you and has since lost interest or she is at least interested in detaching from you... If she's unwilling to communicate with you and let you know what's really going on inside of her head, your relationship with her may have ran its course... How should I approach this talk? Calmly bring up your concerns --- that you've noticed she's been distant and ask her if something in her life is upsetting her. Don't assume it's you, just ask in a general way... and let her you're willing to help her if she needs but also let her know how you feel with how she's handling things. exactly what i'm thinking..
waynesworld Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I'm sure of it. She did turn off like a faucet. Before the trip it was the best our relationship has ever been. We were spending a lot of time together, more than ever. It was by her accord as well. She even took me to an expensive play out of the blue. What you're saying is my fear, though...... She keeps talking about the future even now, and it includes me but something is not right here. I'm going to have a talk with her about it today. How should I approach this talk? The abrupt change in her behaviour means it's probably not the fade-out, which is a slow, drawn out process. You won't know what's going on until you talk about it. I would be direct; tell her you've noticed some changes in how things are going and ask her what the problem is. If she bottles up, I wouldn't push it. She may just need a little space, although it's been over a month, and it's fair to expect some sort of explanation, but not necessarily all the details. Good luck.
Author P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 The abrupt change in her behaviour means it's probably not the fade-out, which is a slow, drawn out process. You won't know what's going on until you talk about it. I would be direct; tell her you've noticed some changes in how things are going and ask her what the problem is. If she bottles up, I wouldn't push it. She may just need a little space, although it's been over a month, and it's fair to expect some sort of explanation, but not necessarily all the details. Good luck. Yeah... I know the whole fadeout process. Usually it happens gradually over a period of months. This was abrupt, which leads me to believe something else is going on.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Well... I did go to a wedding, and she kept saying things like "don't cheat" in a joking way, yet kind of serious way.... That has me a little unsettled. It would be a lie if I said cheating hadn't crossed my mind. I do know that if she did cheat it would come out eventually, one way or another. That girl has an overactive conscience. She can't hide anything she feels guilty of for too long, it eats her apart. I've never caught her in a lie and she has been nothing but truthful with me. She is probably the most honest person I've ever met. If she did cheat it will come out sooner or later. If she is starting the exit strategy, shes not going to admit it to you. I think she knew she wanted to date someone new, and she did it while you were away, and realized she liked him more, which is why youre getting the cold shoulder now. Also, she mentioned "dont cheat" which is what some cheaters do to keep you on the defensive, to keep the attention off them. She is going to want to keep you around just in case the new guy doesnt work out. Watch out for her getting more distant, then telling you she wants to take a break. Edited September 14, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Author P&R Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 If she is starting the exit strategy, shes not going to admit it to you. I think she knew she wanted to date someone new, and she did it while you were away, and realized she liked him more, which is why youre getting the cold shoulder now. Also, she mentioned "dont cheat" which is what some cheaters do to keep you on the defensive, to keep the attention off them. She is going to want to keep you around just in case the new guy doesnt work out. Watch out for her getting more distant, then telling you she wants to take a break. She is not a person that would be able to do that. She is a very bad lier, and eventually the truth will come out if that is what she is doing. If I asked her straight up if she was cheating I would probably get a straight answer. She has never avoided tough questions that may make me angry. She is a straight shooter, and easily guilted out. If she was cheating I'd imagine she is being eaten alive right now on the inside. As I said it will come out if she is cheating one way or another. She is not the kind of person that could keep this a secret for very long.
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