She broke up with me, but still loves me.

[Troubles]

Well to start this off, lets say i've had a very very rough year since last September, i lost my mother to lung cancer who I was really close with and fell into a deep depression because of this. Several months later passed by and November came along and I met this amazing woman, she turned my life around completely!. We had both come out from similar relationships years before and both had the same, values, morals and so on.

 

Everything went great and we eventually became a couple by January 2011, we were very much in love with eachother. February came and i had gotten some abnormal results from my doctors office. I was diagnosed with lung cancer, like anyone who has this upon their life I became depressed again. After that it became tough within the relationship as alot of the time I did want to be alone and she was really amazing to me, she stayed by myside and tried to be there for me as much as possible. She never gave up on me and told me she'd be there always. We did get into a few arguements here and there though because she did want to be there alot more than I would let her be for me at times, because in a way I feared that I wouldnt get better and that it wouldnt be good. Around May-June I told her maybe we should take a break because I didn't want my depression to down our relationship and I did not want to hurt her by not letting her always be around me for support. She disagree'd and got really angry at me for suggesting this, she always said "couples should stay strong and go through the hard times together" well I listened to her and we stayed together.

 

The first Sunday of September 2011, she told me she couldnt do it anymore, she still believed i was her soul mate and we were amazing together. She wanted to be with me again but she needed me to get back to the guy I was where I let people help and support me through this difficult time. She didn't want to torture herself by holding on. It has been really difficult for me to get by this especially because the day after I lost someone very close to me, and have been trying to cope with everything all alone now. She was my bestfriend and we both agree'd that we both wanted a relationship and wanted to be together, we were both faithfull people who loved eachother and generally had no problems in the relationship except that one. I still love her and spoke to her about a day ago about what this all meant, I asked her fi she was moving on and she said that it didnt matter and she didn't think she should tell me if she was or not. (in other words, yes she is) because she told me "Im not dating anyone, or in a relationship but I am open to whatever happens". She did say to me that she does still want to get back with me and does want to continue from where we left off, also that I am the only man for her and that no other man could even compare, as well as that I am her soul mate and that she will always be there for me and my family but wouldnt untill I helped myself out and bettered myself, she said she needed some time to fix herself also and this was the time she was doing that.

 

Im having a hard time accepting the fact that shes moving forward, especially after a weeks time of breaking up with me when I told her that she said "am i an evil person for wanting someone there?". I dont want her to hold back from being happy but It makes me feel like I didnt mean that much to her since she is moving forward so easily. I don't know what goes through girls minds when they break up with guys, I don't know if she is in a rebound relationship. But i've been having a really hard time coping with this all and having my health on top of it all, I have taken steps to bettering myself and I am still continuing treatment and going to therapy for my depression.

 

I don't know if this is another case of, "you don't know what you got untill its gone" or if our relationship just needs some time apart so we can find ourselves before we give ourselves.

 

What I need major help with, is how do I accept her moving forward and how should I go about it? Do i avoid contact from her at all?

Edited September 14, 2011 by Troubles

[Mack05]

Wow troubles, I'm pretty speechless reading that. I think people suffering broken hearts on this website, need to read your post and find out what real problems are. I admire your courage in facing this battle. It's clear you are a very courageous guy and I think you will have the admiration and support of everyone on this site.

 

I think this is a really tough situation. You guys met at a really tough time for you in your life. Therefore you guys didn't build your relationship like a normall couple. I.E easy going, slowly getting to know each other two dates a week sort of thing. It seems from the get go the relationship was very intense. It is very hard to build a relationship surrounded by that intensity.

 

She seems like a nice girl your ex. I think she has just found it really hard to cope with so much, so fast. I really wish I knew what to say to you mate. I think you need to fully focus on the battle for your health. What happens with her, happens with her. As you know more than most your health is your wealth. I know it must be an incredibly scary prospect facing this on your own and tonight I will say a prayer for you my friend. I hope you use this website regulary, as you will find that a lot of strangers will become friends..

Edited September 14, 2011 by Mack05

[Dark Phoenix]

Rarely, do I ever suggest this but...

 

Where I see the downfall of your relationship originating from your health condition, turning to depression, and wanting to be independent through your rough times. I would suggest having a one on one interaction with her. Explain to her that all of these factors are extremely hard for you to cope with, and that it's hard for you to accept help because you don't want to be the "welfare boy". Just be honest with her. Go into this meeting with no expectations whatsoever, don't expect for her to want you back. Leave this meeting and go complete No Contact with her.

 

 

As for your condition with Lung Cancer,

I'm not sure what you are doing exactly to "better yourself", but my cousin was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. He went to the treatments and therapy with hopes of becoming better, even though the doctors said he was a lost cause and the treatments would only extend his time in life but never completely cure him. He started eating healthy, stopped drinking alcohol and soda (never smoked or anything, still doesn't). He bought a juicer and started juicing fruits and vegetables. He made various different mixtures with the juicer but ALL of his drinks had juiced carrots in them. freshly juiced carrots contain enzymes that rebuild cells (the opposite of a cancerous cell), after roughly a year the doctors declared him as cancer free and he was cured. He stopped his juicing and started eating not so healthy again (not as bad as before, still didn't drink alcohol or soda) and he was diagnosed with cancer again. This time however, it is throughout his body. If anything I hope this story of my cousin's brief cure of cancer has sparked some hope into you. This is only one instance of carrot juice working and I am not a doctor so don't take my word that it will cure you.

[insaneinthebrain]

well its rare ... but sometimes life conditions can really have affects on relationships.. and space is all a relationship needs.

 

Like the guy above me said... talk to her... and find out what she is thinking about your future together.

[Troubles]

Thanks for the advice buds, I appreicate it. I took what you guys said into consideration and spoke to her about the feelings that have overtook me throughout this process, I did not have any expectations of her taking me back. What she told me was :

 

1. Focus on myself and get back to the guy I was when I was more openly allowing people in my life and not as sad.
   
2. That she will always think we are meant for eachother.
   
3. That she does want to talk to me and be with me but if she does she is going to want everything we had again and she can't do that right now.
   
4. That she is open to whatever happens between her and her moving forward. ( that was a killer for me )
   
5. That she's still in love with me and when I get better that she will be there, and that we would get back.
   

Now for me this has been a little hard to take in, because one..i dont know how accepting I would be of her in a new relationship, although I know that is not my decision and well I don't know if i'll be missed by her or not. I'm going to continue the no contact and work on myself for now. Hopefully she doesnt forget about me, by the time I have healed and better'd myself.