MoreRedemption Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Hello! I am new to this forum and I have been reading many threads regarding affairs and infidelity with much interest. After discovering your partner/spouse's affair what were your biggest fears? My mother's biggest fear was that he would go sneaking back to the OM? Each time my dad left the house she wondered if he was going to see her?
Summer Breeze Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 My biggest fear was how to pay the rent and childcare after I left him. I was one of the BS that knew I couldn't make it work and ended it almost immediately. My mother was afraid people would find out when faced with my dads affairs.
bentnotbroken Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I was afraid I my meds wouldn't work and I would spend the rest of my life in prison.
Linda9999 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I was afraid I my meds wouldn't work and I would spend the rest of my life in prison. No doubt eh!?! I didn't really have any 'fears' right after I found out - I was way, way too angry. The day I found out I scared myself a bit with how vehemently I felt and how close I came to physically harming him though. He HAD to get the hell out or I don't know what I would have done. After he was moved out it took me a month or so but I did calm down and start to think about the future. I wasn't really afraid of where the kids and I would end up - I'd been a single mom for years when they were little and knew we'd be fine, and money wasn't an issue. I was sad to think he and I may split but not really afraid of it. I think I have more 'fears' since we decided to reconcile than I would have if I'd said to hell with him and not gotten back together. Now that I have recommitted I am afraid of what I might find out again. The experience left me shell shocked - I think I have PISD - and if I ever had to experience it again I fear I may do something that I can't take back. It's getting better with time, and I'm still glad we are together, but it's hard. Very very hard.
Author MoreRedemption Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I think I have more 'fears' since we decided to reconcile than I would have if I'd said to hell with him and not gotten back together. Yes. Fears that he will do it again. In my particular case, my father WAS sneaking back to the OW and ended up having a child with her:sick:
nofool4u Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 After discovering your partner/spouse's affair what were your biggest fears? going through the divorce. but not the divorce itself. While going through it, its tough, mentally draining. But I know that when its all over, the smoke will clear and one can breath again and enjoy life
MammaMia Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 My biggest fear is that somehow she will "charm" him once again at some point and it will happen again. As much as he says he is "wiser" now, she has a Ph.D in pursuing men and she knows what men need and dishes it out in huge portions. This way she always gets what she wants. Yes, I am concerned that at some point she will try again if nothing else, so she can spite me. My H and the bimbo still see each other occasionally in their social circles. I know her, and I am watching her like a hawk.
mv6458 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 My biggest fear is that my H and his coworker will move in together and I will have to deal with her and allow her a part in raising my children.
Author MoreRedemption Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 My biggest fear is that my H and his coworker will move in together and I will have to deal with her and allow her a part in raising my children. This must be unbearable as they are working together. Has your H told you that is Definitely over and that he wants to work at the marriage?
Spark1111 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 My biggest fear is that my H and his coworker will move in together and I will have to deal with her and allow her a part in raising my children. That is unbearable to even think about. But HE too will have to deal with the very real possibility of you having another man in your life who his kids call "Daddy." Think about that!
DarkPrince Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 My biggest fear was that I would never be able to get past it. That it would haunt me forever, and I would constantly do things to get back at her for the rest of our time together.
mv6458 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 This must be unbearable as they are working together. Has your H told you that is Definitely over and that he wants to work at the marriage? He has never told me it is over between them, but he says he wants to be with me. However I cannot accept the fact that he has not done the things I asked to be able to work on the marriage so I am moving on with my life. It is a real possibility that my worst fear may become a reality for me unfortunately.
Damia Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 On bad days My fear is that I'm unloveable and will be an eccentric old lady with 100 cats! On good days (most days)I look at my kids,family and friends and think how blessed I am:)
Koekie Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Hello! I am new to this forum and I have been reading many threads regarding affairs and infidelity with much interest. After discovering your partner/spouse's affair what were your biggest fears? My mother's biggest fear was that he would go sneaking back to the OM? Each time my dad left the house she wondered if he was going to see her? That I will be stuck in this limbo of misery and doubts forever.
Owl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 My biggest fear for about a year or so after the affair was that I'd been played for a fool, and that the affair would/had resumed without my knowledge. It didn't/hadn't. After that, I came to the realization that I love her, and I WANT to be with her the rest of my life...but I don't NEED to have her with me the rest of my life. Once I realized that...it was easier for me to get over my fears, and enjoy my life. Interestingly enough...once I got over those fears...it made me a much more attractive person to her, and greatly aided our overall reconciliation.
serial muse Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 My biggest fear was that my exH's affair really was all my fault, like he said it was. And that I was, therefore, fundamentally unlovable. It's taken many years and plenty of therapy but that fear is now in the rear window. And I'm getting married in November. :love:
mzdolphin Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 My fear was of not being socially acceptable in our social circles and my son being stereotyped as coming from a "broken home" After the divorce I realized most of those things were superficial. It was great to be able to sleep at night. Fast Forward and I was involved with an old flame who lied about being divorced. After DDay he kept trying to see me. I'm thinking she chose to stay married and her husband still pursues women. Glad I got divorced.
mzdolphin Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 My biggest fear was that my exH's affair really was all my fault, like he said it was. And that I was, therefore, fundamentally unlovable. It's taken many years and plenty of therapy but that fear is now in the rear window. And I'm getting married in November. :love: What an evil person. I heard one better than that. My ex husband, who turned out to be a sex addict, told me after I kicked him out (after nine years of marriage) that the problem was he was never sexually attracted me. Mean as hell. Well, I didn't start having great sex until I kicked his a$$ to the curb.
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