my gf broke up with me,but..

[c0nfuzd]

thanks for the advice,as much as i know its true what you are all saying im still probably going to let her come in,because im in so much pain and it will lessen it until she walks away again,maybe its the only way i will learn,even though its the hard way.

It was actually her idea to come see me for a bit which gives me false hopes,as much as i know it is im still no doubt going to see her then let my heart be broken even more,if she really meant everything then why would she want to see me for abit? to feed her own ego no doubt or is she feeling guilty? i suppose ill only learn from my own mistakes. I am an adult and i should learn but i never do,maybe this time i will,but i highly doubt it.

Atleast once she has gone then we have no ties or excuses to contact each other so we can both get on with our lives. She still hopes we can be friends in time but i know i cant because it will be along time before all my feelings have gone so im going to have to tell her this.

If i see her or not tomorrow im still gonig to be in so much pain because i know ive lost the person i love,seeing her will hurt a little more but im sure i cant hurt much more than i am already and tomorrow could be total closure that will set me on my way to recovery, even though it think it will take some time as i tend to struggle when it comes to break ups.

Ive done everything right i think in trying to move on,ive gone to work everyday,ive slept pretty ok but not eaten too well,ive not txt her or called her 1st but i have replied when she contacted me 1st and i also gave her all her stuff back so i had nothing here. The key is the last thing that ties us together and once i get it back then im sure my recovery will start,as hard as its gonig to be.

 

not necessarily either one....she's prolly just trying to be civil; after all you have had something together and it's her way of being nice

 

she may not even realize what it's doing to you by coming up....but I would have listened to the advice you were given here

 

ya, it's gonna hurt a bit more before it starts to get better; you were forewarned

[geegirl]

thanks for the advice,as much as i know its true what you are all saying im still probably going to let her come in,because im in so much pain and it will lessen it until she walks away again,maybe its the only way i will learn,even though its the hard way.

It was actually her idea to come see me for a bit which gives me false hopes,as much as i know it is im still no doubt going to see her then let my heart be broken even more,if she really meant everything then why would she want to see me for abit? to feed her own ego no doubt or is she feeling guilty? i suppose ill only learn from my own mistakes. I am an adult and i should learn but i never do,maybe this time i will,but i highly doubt it.

Atleast once she has gone then we have no ties or excuses to contact each other so we can both get on with our lives. She still hopes we can be friends in time but i know i cant because it will be along time before all my feelings have gone so im going to have to tell her this.

If i see her or not tomorrow im still gonig to be in so much pain because i know ive lost the person i love,seeing her will hurt a little more but im sure i cant hurt much more than i am already and tomorrow could be total closure that will set me on my way to recovery, even though it think it will take some time as i tend to struggle when it comes to break ups.

Ive done everything right i think in trying to move on,ive gone to work everyday,ive slept pretty ok but not eaten too well,ive not txt her or called her 1st but i have replied when she contacted me 1st and i also gave her all her stuff back so i had nothing here. The key is the last thing that ties us together and once i get it back then im sure my recovery will start,as hard as its gonig to be.

 

Some people know when to leave and some people need to hit rock bottom before they can swim up. You will do what you need to do and no one will be able to tell you otherwise. Come here and post when it's done and you'll get the support you need. I just hope that after this last hurrah, you start swimming up.

[headsashed]

thankyou geegirl,i think im the 1 that needs to hit rock bottom 1st,im sure i cant feel much worse though. Im going to ask her a final few questions just for peace of mind too.

1 thingthat has gone through my mind is she has cheated on me,she went on an holiday with people from work a few weeks ago and i think something happen. Ive asked her before and she says not but ive seen photos where she is close to this certain guy,i maybe paranoid but its a question i need to ask. Reason i think this is because she was at mine about a week after and her male friend rang her,i cold tell they was talking about me,anyway,the next day i seen her txts and she had asked him what he wanted her for,he said oh so and so wanted you and have you told dean (me) yet..she replied with no i havent,ive quizzed her about it and she says she cant remember and its probably nothing,but its funny how i got dumped less that a week later.

i dont think she will tell me the truth even though when she kissed this other guy months ago on a night out she did tell me..so who knows

[headsashed]

Shes been and gone now,it went ok and tbh i dont feel any more hurt than i already was. We was together about 2 hours,1st she came in,sat down and we spoke abit about work etc,then we went to the gym to cancel our membership as she pays for them and we both work till late at night so its hard to go.

When we got back she pulled in my drive even though i thought she was just gonig to drop me off,we started talking about things and she just kept crying and crying,i had tears in my eyes too. I suppose i was pining and begging but not to the extent where i was saying please take me back,i was just saying things like i just wish i knew where things went wrong and we could have tried fixing them,we did it before and we could have done it this time. in the end she basically said we just cant do this,so i told her id already accepted it even though she knew its not what i wanted. She has swore blind theres no 1 else and when i asked her why she wasnt happy she had no explanation.

Before i got out the car i just told her that i know this is probably the last time we will see each other and its all upto her now as im going to respect her wishes and not contact her anymore. I am devastated but i already knew it was over between us,i suppose its all final now and sadly my recovery has to start. I dont think she will actually contact me anymore either,it was just the sadness in her face and the amount of crying she was doing which made me realise that this girl does love me but i dont think it means we will ever reconcile.

Times are gonna be hard for me now but i am sure ill come through it,no matter how long its going to take.

[silly_panda]

Hang in there man... You can do it...

[geegirl]

I know it's hard H. Come here and post and seek support. Your family and friends are the best people you can confide in and grieve to. It seems like you'll never get over the pain, but you will. At some point we all do. I know it's cliche but it's the truth. Try to stay on course.

[headsashed]

its gonig to be hard i know,im already starting to grive,i forgot to mention in my post that while in the car and both crying,we kissed and said we love each other etc,that was stupid,but i accepted it was over and now im starting my recovery,im hurting a very lot,but only same as i have been all week.

im sure ill be ok even though im still expecting a txt or call from her,dont know why but i am..and thats doing my head in so much because i know the chances are is she wont.

[geegirl]

its gonig to be hard i know,im already starting to grive,i forgot to mention in my post that while in the car and both crying,we kissed and said we love each other etc,that was stupid,but i accepted it was over and now im starting my recovery,im hurting a very lot,but only same as i have been all week.

im sure ill be ok even though im still expecting a txt or call from her,dont know why but i am..and thats doing my head in so much because i know the chances are is she wont.

 

It's all normal and part of the grieving process. It is like a death. The loss of someone you love. The only way to get past it is to go through it. You will still expect a text or some type of communication, and we all do that when in the early stages of the break because you are fighting it and you just don't want to accept it want her to take the pain and change it all.

 

And even if she does, I would hope that you do not let her in. You will only set yourself back.

[headsashed]

thats just it,its upto me now,as much as i love her and want her back i know that for my own sanity that if she does come back i shouldnt take her.shes done alot wrong to me in the past few months which i have never mentioned on here,i dont deserve that.

im actually eating my 1st full meal in 6 days, i dont know why im actually feeling hungry because im hurting so much but i suppose its a good thing.

Today was pretty hard seeing her but my feelings didnt change,all i saw was how sad she was,whether thats because she loves me or just pure guilt of what shes putting me through. Ill never know the truth or any sort of answer but i did fully accept its over.

it kind of got to me when she said i can still talk to her,why would i want to? it will only prolong things,my friends told me that she will probably come back to me,but i think differently and i really dont think she is worth the pain anymore because she isnt the person i fell inlove with.

MY life now has to go on,simple as,and i am struggling,financially and emotionall but i think i can get through it.

[geegirl]

When I had my break-up, I didn't eat or sleep. I didn't feel hungry nor did I feel thirsty for about a week. I just laid in bed and couldn't eat. A week after, I felt hungry and wanted to eat. I had a craving for my favorite food, rice. You're moving in stages H. Slowly but surely. Soon, you'll want to eat, want to go out, want to enjoy a beautiful day, find a girl attractive, want to date and so on. A process. Hard as it is but there is no other choice. You will get through it.

[headsashed]

ive got no choice but to get through it,im having stupid thoughts tonight though ..last time we broke up was because she kissed this guy whom she said she ahd feelnigs for,yes i know its bad but she came back to me and we tried working on things,but for some reason tonight i think she is with him,shes gone to her friends house for the night and i keep thinking she is with him,is this normal grrr

[c0nfuzd]

you have to wonder sometimes, is it better not to have fallen in love with her to begin with? well...no because you learn from all this

 

and you take these lessons with you and try to make your next relationship a better one

 

cheer up mate, the only way is up from here

[headsashed]

I dont regret falling inlove with her,we had 2 amazing years,minus the last 2 months or so,im probably just thinking too much about things and shes probably just at her friends tryin to heal.

My ex and this guy work at the same place as does her friend where shes stopping tonight,maybe thats why im wondering about it. I know im probably just being stupid.

YES the only way is up,and believe me,im rock bottom lol,but maybe thats a good thing because i cant feel any worse than i already do. Seeing how sad she was today (crying etc) does make me think that maybe shes just having time at her friends and im just being an idiot,think i need to get out more lol.

[c0nfuzd]

if you have friends, now is the time to connect with them; get out there...anything to keep your mind off her

 

maybe you have hobbies or interests you've put aside for past 2 years; go back to them and pursue them with intensity and as the days go by, you will feel a little better every day

 

we all know this but it's because we live in the moment...and at this moment, you feel like crap......and that's ok because you're human and you have feelings

[headsashed]

i made a mistake,a big 1,i kinda had a bad night,didnt sleep too well etc,i never heard from her nor did i contact her but when i got up this morning i logged on her facebook,i know it was wrong but i couldnt help myself. There was a message from a female friend whom she works with and it said "wakey wakey rise and shine you dirty drity lol love ye"

Now i dont know what this means but i can only think 1 thing ..i set my status to "nothing like messing about,only took you a few hours,nothin like been lied to" i was angry,she txt me 5 mins later asking what my status meant,i never replied,i just turned my phone off. I can only think she has done something with someone,because thats how it looks to me,what a mistake ive made

[c0nfuzd]

i made a mistake,a big 1,i kinda had a bad night,didnt sleep too well etc,i never heard from her nor did i contact her but when i got up this morning i logged on her facebook,i know it was wrong but i couldnt help myself. There was a message from a female friend whom she works with and it said "wakey wakey rise and shine you dirty drity lol love ye"

Now i dont know what this means but i can only think 1 thing ..i set my status to "nothing like messing about,only took you a few hours,nothin like been lied to" i was angry,she txt me 5 mins later asking what my status meant,i never replied,i just turned my phone off. I can only think she has done something with someone,because thats how it looks to me,what a mistake ive made

 

you could have done worse if you ask me....don't be so harsh on yourself

 

and I wouldn't read 2 much into her FB status; you can speculate but truth of the matter is, you don't know for sure what it means; so why beat yourself over it?

 

you should also change your status to reflect a more "I'm over it now" attitude

 

you've got to start healing, if it's definitely over, why are you doing this to her and to yourself? you're not helping yourself mate

[Mack05]

Headsashed, you seem to be determined to hit rock bottom. I don't think u have even got there yet. There is just no talking to you. You are posting looking for advise, but you refuse to listen to it or take anything in. I feel real sorry for you mate. Right now you have no control over your emotions..That is not a criticism. I know, cause I've been there mate. I've lost control and it is the most horrible helpless feeling.

 

If you want to end up like me, not eat or sleep for a month. Have your behaviour get more and more erratic, lie, beg, plead, manipulate, break promises and have your ex end up truly hating u....Then by all means keep ignoring the advise you have gotten on this thread and choose the option that I choose. I ended up having 4 tough months in therapy in the aftermath. I let down friends and family. I post here, because I don't want people to suffer like I did. I don't need to repeat the advise given in this thread already. I just hope and pray you now start to listen..

 

If I can give you one bit of advise read the Serenity prayer numerous times a day...

 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Edited September 18, 2011 by Mack05

[geegirl]

i made a mistake,a big 1,i kinda had a bad night,didnt sleep too well etc,i never heard from her nor did i contact her but when i got up this morning i logged on her facebook,i know it was wrong but i couldnt help myself. There was a message from a female friend whom she works with and it said "wakey wakey rise and shine you dirty drity lol love ye"

Now i dont know what this means but i can only think 1 thing ..i set my status to "nothing like messing about,only took you a few hours,nothin like been lied to" i was angry,she txt me 5 mins later asking what my status meant,i never replied,i just turned my phone off. I can only think she has done something with someone,because thats how it looks to me,what a mistake ive made

 

I know you need to go through the process and detach yourself at your pace H. But one thing you should do, and it is crucial, it is to block her from your FB, please. You are not doing yourself any favors by keeping her visible. You might as well contact her if you both are playing games on FB. There is no difference from you posting on FB with hints versus you just texting her. Contact is contact. This is not NC. You want to keep getting yourself kicked in the gut over and over again. It's self torture and self destructive behavior.

 

What did you gain by this? Nothing at all. Just another round of dirt kicked in your face again. Start thinking. What about this woman is so attractive. No class. No decency. No empathy. No care. Just toxic and mean.

 

You promised yourself the last time that after seeing her at the apartment with the key issue, you will stick to your guns. If she can't do right by you then you need to. Please. Take her off FB. If she was a kind and loving person to you, and if you tell me you can't just cut her so quickly, I can understand. But to want to have someone who treated you shabbily enter into your life over and over again and destroy your sense of worth and self, without any sense of empathy, is sad and destructive. Please block her from FB. You won't be able to see her page. If you can't defriend her, that is fine. But at least block her so you can't see her.

 

Go forward, not back. You will dread the day you see a guy on her page talking about what they're doing together because it's disgusting to post comments/hints like that and it's obvious that there are no boundaries.

 

Protect yourself.

[headsashed]

Just thought id update you all on my current situation,After the fiasco of the facebook crap i decided it was best to delete her number etc. She has kept txting me though,i did ignore her txts until wedesday because i was going to stop at my friends for a few days and she asked if i was definatley going,so after a few hours i replied with yes i am.

Since wednesday dinner time she has sent me 233 txts,i have replied to alot of them ofcourse but most has been general chit chat. Well on wednesday after i left she seemed to get angry,when i asked why she said she didnt know but it was stopping her from crying,she also cried on the phone to me,she even sent a text saying she does love me but isnt coming back to me,so i just said i know u aint and ive known all along.

yesterday she rang me to see how my job interview went which was fair enough,then all the txts started again,not 1 nasty 1 this time either,just normal chat,i did actualy see her twice yesterday while i was out with the dog,she just waved and smiled so i put my head down lol.

Last night she said it doesnt bother her seeing me aslong as i didnt talk about things,i said i know,she then said in these exact words " i want to see you,just to like come to yours for an hour,just talk like we used to or me ranting on about work lol,i just miss talking to you"

I basically replied with you know where i am,so she said she might call after work tonight,...

i dont think she will come nor am i getting my hopes up anymore,i suppose im just confused why she can be like this and say them things. I did what i could with deleting her number,facebook etc and not once contacted her 1st,.and when she did txt i left it for a fair few hours before replying.

i know ill get slated on here for replying to her but the temptation was just too much for me.

[geegirl]

You have to stop thinking from your point of view and your level of emotional investment H.

 

You want to see her, talk to her, be with her, do all sorts with her. Because you love her.

 

She wants to talk to you, hang out, rant about her day because she misses someone that she enjoys just talking to minus the emotional depthness.

 

Don't mistake her reaching out to you for anything more. She is telling you point blank that she is not coming back to you that way. She is setting her terms. By you still keeping in contact with her, you are telling her you accept her terms and that you will be there for her, according to her "terms and capacity".

 

She can send you 232 text messages but she is still telling you she does not want you back. Screw text messages. Listen to the words.

 

She's going to keep you connected because she knows you are weak and she can get what she needs from you. Until you cut her completely from your life and start realizing that this is DEAD, and that you have to walk away from the stinking carcass and move on, you will keep coming here telling us she sent you 146 texts and I am sad.

 

If you are trying to resurrect this by staying in contact hoping that she will change her mind, then give it a fighting chance by going strict NC. She will wonder and she will get the boot up her ass and think about what she wants. Until then, she's going to pander and lollygag and flip flop because you are not allowing her to realize the loss of you.

 

Go on NC and give yourself all the time you need to find mental clarity and get emotionally healthy again. And if she comes back you, you will be able to make informed decisions and if she doesn't, you will be well on your way to opening yourself up to new and better opportunities.

 

The choice is yours. Be a doormat. And her every call. Or stand up for yourself and not allow this woman to manipulate your feelings for her.

[Mack05]

Heahsashed, Geegirl is 10 times classier and a better poster/person then I will ever be. I tend to call it as I see it. I have been pathetic before in trying to win an ex back. I regret it deeply and I will NEVER allow that to happen again. Right now you are pathetic. The longer you answer her, the longer you are a crutch for her, the more of a doormat you become and the more pathetic you look in her eyes...

 

If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect her to respect you?. I've been there. I was you. Why can't you see that we are right..We can't you learn the lessons me and Gee and many others on this site have had to endure? Grow a set of balls and stand up for yourself. Nothing more unappealing to a woman then a weak man and right now you are a weak man headsashed. Thedovic's signature -> "Man up. You will win this in the end! It's all about heart and character. Be your BEST self!" Right now you are your WORST self.

 

You going to stay pathetic or do something about it? Your call. But the longer you stay like this the longer you deprieve yourself of a woman that is truly amazing..

[geegirl]

I will second that there is nothing more unattractive than a man that allows a woman to walk all over him. Respect yourself and she will see you in a different light. Now she sees a weak little puppy nipping at her heels begging to be loved. Stop.

[headsashed]

i know your both right 100%

ive not spoke to her to much the past few days but tonight she called to mine after work for about half hour,nothing has changed,she still says the same crap to me so i said look,i need to get over you now so dont contact me again. i suppose it hurts a little more but its the only way now,tbh i dont think she will contact me and if she does i WONT reply,ill just turn off my phone or something,i cant block her txts,only divert her calls which i have done,facebook is already deleted etc so she cant even try re add me in the future.

Fingers crossed now im gonna make a recovery,its been 2 weeks since we broke up but obviousley theres been lots of contact,probably why ive not healed as much,but now it starts,and i promise u both now that i wont ever reply to her,go near her house when i walk my dog,ill just have to change route,its a pain but has to be done

[Mack05]

i know your both right 100%

 

Fingers crossed now im gonna make a recovery,its been 2 weeks since we broke up but obviousley theres been lots of contact,probably why ive not healed as much,but now it starts,and i promise u both now that i wont ever reply to her,go near her house when i walk my dog,ill just have to change route,its a pain but has to be done

 

Good man...Really happy to see this mate..

[headsashed]

thanx pal,i know i didnt like what u both had put in earlier posts but it was the cold truth,i didnt listen,now i am,i have never txt her 1st or anything but i always replied,my mistake,allowing her in my house tonight,my mistake,seeing her is only making things worse,i was stupid,i know 100% ill still see her as sheonly lives 2 minutes from my house but im gonna do my best to avoid seeing her.

im even tempted to get someone to msg her to tell her to change her passwords as i know them,even though im tempted to look at things i would rather not cos it will only hurt. i just dont know anyone lol. i cant txt her either so sod knows,but i am going to do my very best and stay NC in everyway possible.

Its gonna be hard for a little while but i know i can always come on here and vent