Watching my worst nightmare unfold before my eyes

[MIK1000]

My girlfriend and I had been going out for about 14 months when she left to go to work at an American Kids camp with me staying back home in Scotland for the summer. She was 18, me 20 and it was an amazing relationship. My first serious one, where as she had a boyfriend from the ages of 12-16.

 

We had a beautiful chemistry. From the start it was just so easy, no awkwardness, games or false pretences, just two honest people who enjoyed being close to each other and although we were young, we spoke about the future as if it were a certainty that we would get married and have kids. She did this more than me, but i never had any problem with it. She also constantly wanted me to be around her family, as if I was an inlaw, something which annoyed me at times when I just wanted to be around her. We lived round the corner from each other with our families and saw each other pretty much everyday. She was also the type of girl who liked to phone and text me several times a day, e.g first thing in the morning, last thing at night and in between also.

 

When we first started seeing each other, she had plans to go away to Honduras for 8 months to work at a school but she soon abandoned this idea as the relationship got more serious. Obviously she had ambitions of travelling and so decided to go away and do this camp america thing for 3 and a half months in the summer. I didn't have a problem with it, obviously I would miss her but I trusted her more than anything and wanted her to have an amazing time.

 

The week before she left I was away with her and her family staying in a cottage in the country side and everything was fine, we were at the height of our relationship and I was totally confident that relationship would have no problem lasting while she was away. The day she left we were crying in each others arms but I never for a second imagined that would be the last time I would ever hold her. And so she left. When she arrived at camp there was a couple of weeks of staff training before the kids actually arrived and at this point I heard from her basically everyday via text or facebook, telling me she loved meand how much she missed me.

 

Then the kids arrived and naturally she had a lot less time and her messages to me decreased the only every few days, then to every week then every ten days or so. This was strange because I could see through her facebook activity that she had been online basically every night, even if just for a short time. So she was going online for a week - ten days at a time and not replying to the message I had sent her but doing other stuff, like interacting with fellow camp people. I got upset, mainly because it was just so unlike her, when she'd been away on holiday before, she had been in contact constantly. I got emotional and she replied with a pretty short message saying sorry, she'd send me a mail soon. This was even stranger, her language and things just wasn't the same and seemed cold. I got overdramatic and over emotional (this is typical of our relationship) and asked her why she was being so cold. She just kept saying she was busy, loved me and would mail soon. The next night I was out and very drunk and stupidly sent her a message saying I hated her, she seemed to not take it personally though (because she obviously knew I was either drunk and upset) and went on to say she needed me to be supportive.

 

Another week went by and she sent me a quick mail to which I responded with a big message filling her in with everything from back home. She didn't respond to that for about another 7-10 days and at this point I was getting pissed off. I had to deal with all my friends winding me up saying how she would be cheating on me and other friends saying how out of order it was that she wasn't in contact more. So I thought I'd try a different approach and decided to ignore one her mail, the way she had done to mine in the past and another week went by without me replying when she sent me a text (she was off for the weekend staying with a host family) just basically saying hey, asking what I was up to. I replied and wasn't cold or anything, just not as chatty as I would have been.

 

After this I went away on a Lads holiday in spain and got very drunk one night, (this particular night was two weeks since that last text). This had been playing on my mind a lot but I had been refusing to contact her, I wanted her to show interest. I got very drunk this night went home to the vill and went on her facebook page and noticed this other guy from her camp kept liking her profile photos (ones from before camp too) because I was so drunk and emotional I thought it would be a good idea to text her and ask her if she was having sex with this guy. She responded by being like WTF? I changed the subject quickly to why she hadn't been in contact for a fortnight and she responded by saying why would she want to contact me when I didn't reply to her then when I did I seemed uninterested. Then she started using the fact that i drunkenly told her I hated her a while back (even though she hadn't even taken this personally at the time). I was so angry that I said I wanted to move on, even though I clearly didn't, I was just so drunk and mad. At first she was saying things like "Why do you want to move on? We haven't even broke up?" Then finally she said she had to come off facebook because the office at camp was getting locked but basically ended it by saying we were over.

 

The next day I messaged her saying how I was really sorry for the stuff I said and how it was only six weeks til she was back and we would work on it when we got back. She replied by saying she was sorry but she had moved on and it was over, she didn't want to give me false hope for when she got home.

 

I didn't understand? How could one silly drunken argument change everything? I poured my heart out and text her the next night asking if we were definitely over and she told me that she wanted to see me when she got home and we could talk then but for just now she didn't see any point in us being together. I took this positively and asked her if she would see other people before she got back and she said no.

 

So at this point I was very hopeful of resolving things when she got back. After all we hadn't heard each others voice since she left, of course things were going to seem strange. I tried to keep things casual for the next couple of weeks, just sending the odd friendly message, not being intense and I also asked a few times for a phone call, to which she kept saying she didn't have the time for. Another week went by and I sent her an affectionate message in which I talked about some of her physical features that I missed. She replied to this by asking why I was doing this because she had told me she was moving on.

 

I came online and spoke to her and eventually she admitted to me that there was someone else, turned out it was that boy I had asked her about weeks before while drunk. She said nothing had happened until this week but then she realised she was definitely over me and how it wasn't going to work when she got back. The sick thing was that, even when I was drunk and paranoid, I didn't seriously think for a second she would be with someone else. I never thought she could do that to me.

 

I was absolutely heartbroken, tried sending one pretty dignified text message the next day asking her to consider what she was doing as she wasn't doing herself justice as a person. She ignored this, then I sent another one a day or two later which was nastier and saying how she should be ashamed of her behaviour. A week after telling me this, she updated her relationship status on facebook to being in a relationship with this guy. I had deleted her but my friends told me, I was so shocked, how could she be so insensitive? It was so unlike her and the person i thought she was. She would have complained about another girl doing the same thing when I knew her.

 

So she's going out with this as of that week, but that was the last week of camp and he's going home (from what i could see on facebook) and she's going travelling with girls from her camp for a couple of weeks. The boy is from Wigan, (A 3 hour train journey from when we live). How is she delusional enough to think that will last?

 

She arrived back home last night and it's a very strange feeling to know that she's just around the corner from me.

 

For the first couple of weeks I was just totally in shock, I never in a million years imagined she could do something like this. This a girl that I thought was my best friend, the most caring person in the world. I just didn't seem real because this was seriously my worst nightmare scenario, her going away and ditching me for another guy.

 

 

She arrived back home last night and it's a very strange feeling to know that she's just around the corner from me.Anyone else every had to watch something like this unfold and it just feels like a nightmare?

I don't know what to think. Did she just totally lose the plot at camp and get caught up in the whole experience? Is she just totally immature? Or is she just a bad egg?

Edited September 14, 2011 by MIK1000

[MIK1000]

Sorry for the very long post.

[stepmicham]

It sounds to me like she really wasn't ready for such a big commitment. While she said that she wanted to marry you, what marriage really is all about is a hard concept for most 18 year olds to grasp.

 

I wouldn't beg her or try to contact her any longer. She made her choice, and as selfish as it was, it shows her true colors and true maturity.

 

Keep yourself busy, hang out with friends, and try to meet someone new. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, lesson learned.

[MIK1000]

It sounds to me like she really wasn't ready for such a big commitment. While she said that she wanted to marry you, what marriage really is all about is a hard concept for most 18 year olds to grasp.

 

I wouldn't beg her or try to contact her any longer. She made her choice, and as selfish as it was, it shows her true colors and true maturity.

 

Keep yourself busy, hang out with friends, and try to meet someone new. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, lesson learned.

 

Lesson definitely learned. I've had NC since that unpleasant message I sent her nearly three weeks ago (after which she blocked me on fb, then unblocked me a week or so later, even though I deleted her in the first place

 

I think she's the sort of person who really loved the idea of the big commitment and almost being married to someone but couldn't deal with the responsibilities, e.g not just abandoning me because she's having the time of her life.

 

Definitely won't be begging her. I presume she's going to try and ask to meet up to talk about what happened within the next week or so, to make herself feel like she's doing the right thing. I'm thinking I don't give her the satisfaction and just tell her I wish her luck but i don't see the point. The thing is I will see her about, not only because she lives round the corner, I just started working in the local pub which she occasionally goes to, and our friends go to the same night clubs. I guess i just need to act civil like I'm over her.

[MIK1000]

Just went for a run in the park and passed her house on the way there and back. I stood and looked at it for a few moments and it was an incredibly strange sensation knowing that I'll probably never be there again since it was bascially a second home for me for a year and half. Her cat which I was incredibly fond of was in the garden too and I stood and it looked me right in the eye as if it recognised me, was a strange feeling.

 

Maybe I should start taking a different route to the park.

[MIK1000]

Jeez. What does a boy have to do to get some feed back around here? Is it cause my post is so long?