mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Hi All, Iv'e made other posts on here so excuse me if you already know my situation and have responded previously.Thank you! I appreciate all the help you have given me.I still have this one nagging question which I'll get to at the bottom. This has to do with my now ex g/f going back to her ex b/f and wondering if (my) ex will leave her ex( who shes with now) to come back to me,, her other ex. if and only if things don't work out. Complicated huh. For those you who don't know my situation, well I'll keep it short: My now ex g/f of ten months left me 6 weeks ago to get back with her ex b/f of 14 months (were both in our 40s.I treated he so very well, fell in love, great sex, on boths sides,not just me, No cheating etc. etc. I've been in strict No Contact for 4 maybe 5 weeks now. She knows how much I loved her and how much she hurt me. Reading other posts here I see where the dumpee begged, pleaded, constantly called, texted ect. and made themselves look pathetic. I DID NOT and have not done any of those however I did cry and was very upset (Damn) along with why are you doing this? I love you,,when she told me what she was doing and she may,, may be thinking I'd take her back.? Not now! I cant help but wonder by doing no contact,and not begging, pleading etc. will she try to make some contact with me after some time, wether or not she trying to stroke her ego or genuinely wondering about me?? There is NO dought that she did love me at one time and misses all the things I did for her! This is the 3rd time back with him. She broke up with him the other 2 times. The only and ONLY reason I want her to come back, IF she does is to say GO F**K YOURSELF! Having her come back will make me feel so good and take away the pain Iv'e felt/ feeling,,, it would be like I got the last laugh!! I know the chances of getting "the other" back if there wasn't anyone else involved are greater however this is different. Anyone else had a similar experience of being a rebound (me) and the dumper contacts, comes back to them after,,,and if they were not able to resolve the issues they had with their ex ??? I have moved on, joined a gym, casual dating, new friends and AM NOT waiting for her. Thanks so much for any comments. Edited September 14, 2011 by mike588
Besmy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Hi Mike, I have never been a rebound or in a similar situation but here are my humble thoughts. Your ex doesn't seem to know what she wants since she keeps going back and forth with this ex of hers. She doesn't seem to be a reliable person and probably didn't quite appreciate what you offered her. Maybe if she gets bored of the other guy or he dumps her, she may come back to you. This may take months to happen. Keeping NC and ignoring her is the best way forward. If she comes back in the future, you will think at that point what you want to do about it. For now think that she will not. It's easier. The truth is that nobody can predict the future and she probably doesn't know what she will do or how she will feel about you in the future either. I am happy to hear that you are moving on and you will find a nice girl who deserves your love. I have started threads that are somehow relevant and may make you laugh, that's always a good therapy! One is about ex realising what they have lost when it's far too late > here. The other one is about not wanting back the person who dumped you and hurt you > here. The third is about ignoring the dumper and the dumper's reaction > here A big hug!
Author mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks so much for your response. I knew it wasn't an easy decision for her because she knew how much I loved her and all the things I did for her. She did email me saying she feels the loss and is sad and grieving too. Hope she feels something!
Besmy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Well if she is e-mailing you that she does feel something but then, beyond that e-mail look at the facts, she is not longer with you. It's not all black or white when it comes to feelings. She might well realise what she losing by losing you and still want to be with the other guy for whatever reason unknown to us (probably very strong physical attraction if you ask me). I guess if she could she would have you both at the same time as you would complement each other.
Author mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Yea your probably right. It would seem that when you get older it's more of how you were treated and loved other than a physical attraction, however she told me SO MANY, MANY TIMES how handsome I was or she would'nt have stayed with me so long. Hummm 3rd time back now with him, maybe it is a physical attraction but I do know she brokeup with him twice before cause he wasn't meeting her emotional needs.
Besmy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 In my experience (I am 30+) the older you get, the choosier you get. When I was 20 I was happy to date handsome guys with or without brain. Now I still clearly prefer handsome / attractive guys (unfortunately otherwise I cannot contemplate having sx with them, and this is how I ended up with my infamous but very handsome sloth...) but possibly (if I'm lucky) with brains included in the package. At the same time, the older you get, the less 5.h!t you are willing to accept from the partner because you are (generally and hopefully) more self confident and you know what you want, what you need and what you will not tolerate. Well dear Mike, since you are handsome go out and check out the girls !!!! (Gosh, it's just me and you on this thread?)
A7X Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Hey Mike, I don't think that you deserve this kind of treatment, nobody does to be honest... I would not accept this kind of treatment, just like Besmy I'm 30+ and believe me there are happier days in front of you!
Author mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks, I sorta looking foward to the day she leaves him again,(if it happens) 4th time and contacts me. I know it maybe many months if at all it happens. By then I hope to have found a new girl. Another thing, we were friends 20 years ago before reconnecting and it hurts to lose that friendship on top of losing everything we shared.
A7X Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Sucks to lose someone you had such a deep bond with and felt like nothing could ever bring you apart. When I was spending my days trying to win back my ex, we spent days together and I could feel the love we both had for each other, it was intense. And yes we slept together a few times during that period and it wasn't just *** it was love, you don't make up that feeling, you just feel it. Now it was thrown away for reasons I will never clearly know. All I know is that they always come back and I'll have to say; you had your chance and blew what could of been a perfect life partner..
Author mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Always come back?? I hope she doesn't then again I hope she does so I can tell her to get lost,, you blew it. Ever heard of having an ex go back to an ex then comes back to me(the other ex?????????
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