Girl likes me or friend zone?

[Wolf18]

Met a girl through a mutual friend.

 

She is single.

 

I asked her to hang out and she did, she's got no real friends in this city.

 

First time I saw her we had a great time and she seemed to really like me. We got drunk and she kept saying " I'm going to do something I regret" when I was being flirty and touchy feely hahaha. I stopped there and then because she looked kind of uncomfortable and I didn't want to take advantage of a drunk girl. Guess that's my problem.

 

Second time I see her (3 weeks later, i had to go on vacation) she was kind of standoffish but she would tell me she missed me and that I was amazing etc. She wouldn't let me touch her this time around, said "EWwww" and said I was too young for her (she's 8 years older). She also said I talk too much about my own interests and complained that I don't listen when she talks . She could sense I was interested in her romantically but didn't reciprocate, claims the age gap is too much but I don't know, my gut tells me there's a kernal of hope. It kind of bothered me that she would act so grossed out just from a touch on her shoulder and we parted ways on a rather negative note. We have quite a few interests in common and we have some amazing conversations though.

 

Now she is talking to me again, I said I wanted to go to a local museum ive never been to and she really wants to come. Claims I'm thoughtful and she likes it. Should I give it a tie breaker third meeting to see how it goes, or should I just stop wasting my time? Any advice if I do show up for round 3?

 

I've been friendzoned 2 times in a row. Don't know why, I make all my moves and show interest which is what people claim a lack of gets you friendzoned. Im kind of sick of girls who have this much in common with me (I'm sure connecting with people is rare for both men and women, right?) friendzoning me then dating some airhead with money or model looks, so that kind of is putting me off of trying again.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Wolf18

[Wolf18]

On a seperate note, do any of you guys have the experience of girls constantly friendzoning you? Is it something we do , or is it just a question of looks and status? This is what is kind of putting me off even talking to women.

 

From my story, do you think I'm doing anything particularly wrong that is putting women off? And no , please don't talk about my attitude towards women because I let go of all that when I go on a (What i think was atleast) date.

[coolheadal]

It means they don't feel anything for you. They only see you as a friend. This is the worth type to be in. Some guys can handle the FRIENDZONE and some can't.

[thatone]

stop wasting your time. you gave her 3 weeks to convince herself to reject you and start eyeballing someone else. she did.

 

chalk it up to bad timing.

[Wolf18]

Why would she be talking to me out of the blue and pretending to be interested in me then?

 

I give up It's true that only a small portion of men are even eligible for women to date.

 

I might tell her to do something then blow her off as punishment for trying to use me. Atleast it'll help me sleep at night.

[somedude81]

She also said I talk too much about my own interests and complained that I don't listen when she talks

Work on this.

 

Women love to talk about themselves. You must love to listen to them talk

Edited September 14, 2011 by somedude81

[ja123]

I don't think anything is going to happen with this woman - you've clearly been friend-zoned.

 

Furthermore, she isn't even worth being friends with: she's so immature for being 8 years older than you and she says "Ewww" just because you tried to touch her on the shoulder??? WTF????? She's not even friend-material! You deserve better - even from friends.

 

Seriously, dump her as a friend. Who is she anyway? You've got tons of other options, maybe you're just not seeing them.

[carhill]

She let you desire her.

 

When a woman is sincerely and obviously interested in your life, and doesn't waffle on how she 'feels' about you, then you have a healthy potential, whether as a valuable platonic friend or romantic interest. Cut all others off at the knees.

[GivenUp0083]

Normally I'd say find another girl to date, and then next time you're talking to this girl tell her about the girl you are seeing. After all, you're just friend, right? She should be a good listener. Then you could drum up a jealousy bang out of her with a little effort.

 

But....I'd say she's not worth it. This girl annoys me and I haven't even met her yet. Best to walk away and not deal with her. She'll only give you headaches. Stop returning her calls.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Furthermore, she isn't even worth being friends with: she's so immature for being 8 years older than you and she says "Ewww" just because you tried to touch her on the shoulder??? WTF????? She's not even friend-material! You deserve better - even from friends.

 

Depends upon her tone when she said "ewww"--it could have been said playfully. The odds are it was intended that way yet mixed in with her real concern that eight years is too big an age gap. Women are far less likely to date down in age than men are.

[Wolf18]

It's unbelievable how my gut feeling is always wrong with these things. I'm in decent shape, I comb my hair, I bathe every day, I've got a lot of things to talk about and stories to share, (contrary to what she says) I am a great listener, people say I'm caring, considerate and fun, yet all this means nothing to women. I wish just once, only once, I could have atleast a small victory in this realm. But from the looks of it, it's impossible.

 

Seriously, dump her as a friend. Who is she anyway? You've got tons of other options, maybe you're just not seeing them.

 

No, I don't. What pisses me off is neither does she. (except for a few guys she just met that obviously just want to get into her panties)

 

Normally I'd say find another girl to date, and then next time you're talking to this girl tell her about the girl you are seeing. After all, you're just friend, right? She should be a good listener. Then you could drum up a jealousy bang out of her with a little effort.

 

But....I'd say she's not worth it. This girl annoys me and I haven't even met her yet. Best to walk away and not deal with her. She'll only give you headaches. Stop returning her calls.

 

I could probably just make something up about and say I'm dating another girl. Of course logic would tell you this would drive a woman whose interested away, but she's probably not interested anyway. It's worth a shot I suppose.

[iJester]

Cancel your museum plans with her. Tell her that you are interested romantically in her, but it seems like she wants to be friends instead, and you'd rather not be friends with someone you like. Tell her you've been neglecting those who have shown real interest because of her, but you're going to pay more attention in that direction. Tell her your door is open if she wants to give it a shot, but otherwise, you two should part ways.

 

She's just bored and doesn't know anyone. That's what happened with a friend of friend that moved here. She would initiate conversation and talk to me all day everyday to the point I thought she had to be interested. She wasn't. I dropped her immediately, and she kept annoying the **** out of me even after I told her I don't want to hang out. By the time she actually wanted to date me, I pretty much irritated just by the mention of her name.

 

Lay it out there for her, and tell her you're not interested in speaking with her unless she wants to try dating.

Edited September 14, 2011 by iJester

[carhill]

OP, if you find this to be consistently an issue, and that's the sense I'm getting, it's time for a mirror on your people-picker. You'll see signs of my work on mine in my prior post. It took a lot of work and introspection to be able to learn to deduce those women who were letting me desire them or letting me love them from women who sincerely practice equity, empathy and care in their relationships, as well as to understand why I was 'picking' the former with consistency. This process is beyond the scope of this thread but it does allow me to better understand *why* I was in the 'friend-zone' so many times over the decades when I was, at the time, clueless that I was even there. I was picking incompatible women, most often as romantic potentials but sometimes even as friends.

 

My last advice, hopefully not too repetitive, is to leave this one be, without prejudice, meaning no talking about dating other girls or taking parting shots, and then look to another, healthier woman who does have 'options' as a potential. This woman will merely move on to the next man she lets desire her, rinsing and repeating. She'll be fine. It's her life. Good luck.

[verhrzn]

OP, if you find this to be consistently an issue, and that's the sense I'm getting, it's time for a mirror on your people-picker. You'll see signs of my work on mine in my prior post. It took a lot of work and introspection to be able to learn to deduce those women who were letting me desire them or letting me love them from women who sincerely practice equity, empathy and care in their relationships, as well as to understand why I was 'picking' the former with consistency. This process is beyond the scope of this thread but it does allow me to better understand *why* I was in the 'friend-zone' so many times over the decades when I was, at the time, clueless that I was even there. I was picking incompatible women, most often as romantic potentials but sometimes even as friends.

 

Outta curiosity, Carhill, why DID you pick the former with consistency? I'm seeing this a lot myself, from the female side... A lot of the guys I get romantically interested in, are still hung up on a girl who has "friend zoned" them.

[carhill]

I would say the overriding reason was a combination of perceived (on my part) superficial compatibility regarding 'openness', along with a 'path of lesser resistance' unconscious perspective resulting from repeated rejections from other women. Ergo, run across one who presented kinda raw and open and one who let me love her and I got hooked. So, I would say it's a combination of psychology (mine) and circumstance (the dating world at that time). Broken women and women fresh out of bad relationships or M's (or still in them) were perfect examples of this dynamic. The commonality was myself, my psychology and my life experiences which had brought me to that point.

[Wolf18]

OP, if you find this to be consistently an issue, and that's the sense I'm getting, it's time for a mirror on your people-picker. You'll see signs of my work on mine in my prior post. It took a lot of work and introspection to be able to learn to deduce those women who were letting me desire them or letting me love them from women who sincerely practice equity, empathy and care in their relationships, as well as to understand why I was 'picking' the former with consistency. This process is beyond the scope of this thread but it does allow me to better understand *why* I was in the 'friend-zone' so many times over the decades when I was, at the time, clueless that I was even there. I was picking incompatible women, most often as romantic potentials but sometimes even as friends.

 

My last advice, hopefully not too repetitive, is to leave this one be, without prejudice, meaning no talking about dating other girls or taking parting shots, and then look to another, healthier woman who does have 'options' as a potential. This woman will merely move on to the next man she lets desire her, rinsing and repeating. She'll be fine. It's her life. Good luck.

 

I don't know if there's anything wrong with my "people picker".

 

I've seen all these girls with boyfriends and they treat them with the same care, equity, and empathy you talk about but deprive me of. So I assume they would do the same for me. But I'm wrong every time, despite showing them I'm decent (and no , I don't wear my heart on my sleeve at all) . All these girls appear to be healthy, normal and lovable, but they just don't feel that way towards me (despite telling me how great I am). If they were just bad people it wouldn't bother me, but they aren't, they just don't feel anything towards me specifically and it's not my personality (if it was, they wouldn't want to hang out with me).

 

I know for a fact if I was taller/more attractive these girls would treat me the same way I treat them. Say it's negative, self defeating, blah blah blah but guess what, it's the truth. I just see it with a good friend of mine who is a tall good looking guy with a girlfriend that has the same age difference and nothing in common with him, but she doesn't seem to care. I've seen even the bitchiest of women become loving and tender with the "right guy" (whoever that is).

 

I think you're right that playing their game is stupid. I'm thinking of cancelling on her and telling her to **** off, but since all my male friends have been busy with their girlfriends and work lately I've got nothing else to do so I might go to the museum with her anyway without trying anything.

[Yamaha]

Don't mean to offend you but you might check out this info.

 

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-sexy-man#

 

Some of it is PUA stuff but there are things to take away from it if your interested.

[ja123]

OP, if you find this to be consistently an issue, and that's the sense I'm getting, it's time for a mirror on your people-picker. You'll see signs of my work on mine in my prior post. It took a lot of work and introspection to be able to learn to deduce those women who were letting me desire them or letting me love them from women who sincerely practice equity, empathy and care in their relationships, as well as to understand why I was 'picking' the former with consistency. This process is beyond the scope of this thread but it does allow me to better understand *why* I was in the 'friend-zone' so many times over the decades when I was, at the time, clueless that I was even there. I was picking incompatible women, most often as romantic potentials but sometimes even as friends.

 

My last advice, hopefully not too repetitive, is to leave this one be, without prejudice, meaning no talking about dating other girls or taking parting shots, and then look to another, healthier woman who does have 'options' as a potential. This woman will merely move on to the next man she lets desire her, rinsing and repeating. She'll be fine. It's her life. Good luck.

 

Carhill - I can't find your post on "people-picking". I'd love to hear more of your views. Or could you start a new thread?

 

Thx

[carhill]

It was upthread....

 

"She let you desire her.

 

When a woman is sincerely and obviously interested in your life, and doesn't waffle on how she 'feels' about you, then you have a healthy potential, whether as a valuable platonic friend or romantic interest."

 

The 'people-picking' part is in the second sentence. The first sentence was my opinion of the dynamic.

 

IME, finding women in general who are sincerely interested in the lives of others is problematical and finding any who are sincerely interested in my life has been exceedingly rare. I'm constantly on the lookout. Prior, I would erroneously 'pick' those who would let me love them and unhealthily invest in unbalanced relationships. Examined in the cold light of day, I'm saddened to say, elementally, my M was like that, a culmination of picking incompatible women.

 

There's a marked difference between a woman (I'm using "woman" because I date, relate to and marry women) who likes me and a woman who likes that I like her. That difference is borne within her sincere interest and care. If she demonstrates that quality globally, there is a better chance of it existing at the singular level. If not, not.

 

I'm adding this in here because I've had women tell me they love me, give me all the signs of attraction (kissing, touching, bla, bla) that we read about here on LS and then, without warning or discussion, just flip the switch and disappear. Some give warning signals by toxifying the dynamic and throwing me off-balance with off the wall behaviors and statements. Still, the end result is the same; fail. MC helped me own my part in that fail; my people-picker (the psychologist called it perceiving elemental aspects of compatibility).

 

I got a lot of what the OP relates in this thread in my teens and twenties. I still meet such women today in my own age group. Billions more to meet. I think that's the operative lesson.

[ja123]

Thank you, Carhill!!!

[Elysian Powder]

Met a girl through a mutual friend.

 

She is single.

 

I asked her to hang out and she did, she's got no real friends in this city.

 

First time I saw her we had a great time and she seemed to really like me. We got drunk and she kept saying " I'm going to do something I regret" when I was being flirty and touchy feely hahaha. I stopped there and then because she looked kind of uncomfortable and I didn't want to take advantage of a drunk girl. Guess that's my problem.

 

Second time I see her (3 weeks later, i had to go on vacation) she was kind of standoffish but she would tell me she missed me and that I was amazing etc. She wouldn't let me touch her this time around, said "EWwww" and said I was too young for her (she's 8 years older). She also said I talk too much about my own interests and complained that I don't listen when she talks . She could sense I was interested in her romantically but didn't reciprocate, claims the age gap is too much but I don't know, my gut tells me there's a kernal of hope. It kind of bothered me that she would act so grossed out just from a touch on her shoulder and we parted ways on a rather negative note. We have quite a few interests in common and we have some amazing conversations though.

 

Now she is talking to me again, I said I wanted to go to a local museum ive never been to and she really wants to come. Claims I'm thoughtful and she likes it. Should I give it a tie breaker third meeting to see how it goes, or should I just stop wasting my time? Any advice if I do show up for round 3?

 

I've been friendzoned 2 times in a row. Don't know why, I make all my moves and show interest which is what people claim a lack of gets you friendzoned. Im kind of sick of girls who have this much in common with me (I'm sure connecting with people is rare for both men and women, right?) friendzoning me then dating some airhead with money or model looks, so that kind of is putting me off of trying again.

 

I'll give you a piece of advice. It will serve you well, for decades to come. Instead of analyzing every glance, every word, every action from her; you look at your sexual life and how it connects to that woman(or any other woman).

 

Are you having sex with her? No?

 

You're in the friendzone. Don't waste your time with her. A man rarely comes out of the fz to bang the woman. He's frequently called upon to act as a shoulder to cry on, and he's also the model for the 'creep 'archetype that is famous, but that won't do you any good.

 

To avoid the shame of being a woman's lap dog; next time you have the hots for a woman, make it clear that you want to fck her.

 

I'm not telling you to ask her out. Do not be her friend. Do not waste money on her. Do not text her or call her on the phone. Do not wait to 'get to know her' first.

 

Simply ask her if she wants to hook-up with you. She'll agree to do it if you are good-looking enough, but don't lose heart when(if) she refuses you.

 

Do the right thing. Turn your back to her and never talk to her(unless there's a need for it) and ask the next woman if she wants to hook-up.

 

You'll thank me later, don't worry about it.

Edited September 15, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[Wolf18]

I'll give you a piece of advice. It will serve you well, for decades to come. Instead of analyzing every glance, every word, every action from her; you look at your sexual life and how it connects to that woman(or any other woman).

 

Are you having sex with her? No?[/Quote]

 

You don't have to tell me this, I have this as a philosophy. My problem is I slip up once in a while. There are actually a few women I can connect with and I have a lot of fun with and would like to date. It's very rare for me to be able to talk about philosophy, that share a passion for industrial music, AND whose willing to go on little adventures with me (like exploring abandoned warehouses).

 

I don't understand why they don't want to take it to the next level is my only point, do women meet guys they get along with that well every day? They laugh at my jokes , feel I protect them, and think I'm reliable. Even if I'm not every womans cup of tea physically speaking, I'm not monstrous or an abomination either just a couple inches shorter than average... These women aren't models themselves, they're like me, so it makes it even more confusing.

 

You're in the friendzone. Don't waste your time with her. A man rarely comes out of the fz to bang the woman. He's frequently called upon to act as a shoulder to cry on, and he's also the model for the 'creep 'archetype that is famous, but that won't do you any good.[/Quote]

 

Trust me, that'll never happen with me and these women know it. Any time a woman tries to pull the shoulder to cry on nonesense I stop them in their tracks and remind them I am a man, they never do it again.

 

To avoid the shame of being a woman's lap dog; next time you have the hots for a woman, make it clear that you want to fck her.[/Quote]

 

I used to do this, but it didn't always work with women I wanted. I always see men come to women with this approach and get shot down, so I assume that was my problem. I always think (or hope) the girls I get to know are different. Now that I'm trying to get to know and be a gentleman with women I simply strike out even more.

 

I'm not telling you to ask her out. Do not be her friend. Do not waste money on her. Do not text her or call her on the phone. Do not wait to 'get to know her' first.[/Quote]

 

In her defense, I took her out the first time but she paid for most of our hanging out the second time. I don't let anyone take advantage of me in that matter and to her credit she was the one who demanded to pay.

 

Simply ask her if she wants to hook-up with you. She'll agree to do it if you are good-looking enough, but don't lose heart when(if) she refuses you. [/Quote]

 

True. I guess my fear is from years of matriarchal indoctrination that if you do this you automatically blow your chances with women. Well, I did it a bunch a few years ago and got some hookups from it, while now I don't because I assume women who I want as companions wouldn't go for that.

 

It really is a numbers game but I just don't like spending time with or talking to a very large percentage of women. I'm going to just aim for hookups from now on.

 

Do the right thing. Turn your back to her and never talk to her(unless there's a need for it) and ask the next woman if she wants to hook-up.[/Quote]

 

I meet need her for something soon. I think I'll hang out with her one final time then stop talking to her.

 

 

You'll thank me later, don't worry about it. [/Quote]

 

Yes, this is the best advice in the thread.

[Anela]

It was upthread....

 

"She let you desire her.

 

When a woman is sincerely and obviously interested in your life, and doesn't waffle on how she 'feels' about you, then you have a healthy potential, whether as a valuable platonic friend or romantic interest."

 

The 'people-picking' part is in the second sentence. The first sentence was my opinion of the dynamic.

 

IME, finding women in general who are sincerely interested in the lives of others is problematical and finding any who are sincerely interested in my life has been exceedingly rare. I'm constantly on the lookout. Prior, I would erroneously 'pick' those who would let me love them and unhealthily invest in unbalanced relationships. Examined in the cold light of day, I'm saddened to say, elementally, my M was like that, a culmination of picking incompatible women.

 

There's a marked difference between a woman (I'm using "woman" because I date, relate to and marry women) who likes me and a woman who likes that I like her. That difference is borne within her sincere interest and care. If she demonstrates that quality globally, there is a better chance of it existing at the singular level. If not, not.

 

I'm adding this in here because I've had women tell me they love me, give me all the signs of attraction (kissing, touching, bla, bla) that we read about here on LS and then, without warning or discussion, just flip the switch and disappear. Some give warning signals by toxifying the dynamic and throwing me off-balance with off the wall behaviors and statements. Still, the end result is the same; fail. MC helped me own my part in that fail; my people-picker (the psychologist called it perceiving elemental aspects of compatibility).

 

I got a lot of what the OP relates in this thread in my teens and twenties. I still meet such women today in my own age group. Billions more to meet. I think that's the operative lesson.

 

When I liked someone, and took a sincere interest in their life, they didn't want me. They only seemed to remember how great I was, if I was ready to move on, only to turn around and either disappear on me, and chase exactly what they said they did not want. I spent years alone, trying to deal with my issues, and not end up in a bad situation, or use anyone for a confidence boost.

 

So, it isn't only happening to the men out there. And Wolf18, you seem to be good-looking from what I can tell from your avatar - although that one doesn't make you look very friendly.

[jobaba]

On a seperate note, do any of you guys have the experience of girls constantly friendzoning you? Is it something we do , or is it just a question of looks and status? This is what is kind of putting me off even talking to women.

 

From my story, do you think I'm doing anything particularly wrong that is putting women off? And no , please don't talk about my attitude towards women because I let go of all that when I go on a (What i think was atleast) date.

 

It's a lot about looks and status. Sometimes it's something you say or do, but rarely, I'd say. Because if it was, then you could undo that.

 

It doesn't really sound like you've met this woman too many times or are really into. I'd just push the issue next time you see her. If she rejects you, no huge loss.

[Cypress25]

I've been friendzoned 2 times in a row. Don't know why, I make all my moves and show interest which is what people claim a lack of gets you friendzoned.

 

That's not what gets you friend zoned. What gets you friend zoned is the woman not being attracted to you. There's nothing you can say or do to prevent this. If she's not sexually attracted to you, she will not want to date you.

 

I don't know why so many guys have trouble understanding this. Guys, you wouldn't want to date a woman that you're not attracted to, so why should women want to date guys that they're not attracted to?

 

I'm not telling you to ask her out. Do not be her friend. Do not waste money on her. Do not text her or call her on the phone. Do not wait to 'get to know her' first.

 

Simply ask her if she wants to hook-up with you. She'll agree to do it if you are good-looking enough

 

That's definitely not true. For most women, it takes more than good looks to motivate her to hook up with a guy. Most women need some sort of emotional connection with the guy before they'd feel ready to hook up with him. They wouldn't be willing to hook up with a complete stranger just because he's hot. They'd just be insulted that the guy expected to hook up with them without even going on a single date.