Second Chance. Dead and Gone

[beachwrangler]

Here is my previous thread to get you guy catched up on my situation.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297392/

 

Well I left out a lot in this thread. So my girlfriend of about 2 years left me 2 and half weeks ago and stopped talking to me for a few days. She said she was happy and reliefed to be away from me. I asked if she was talking to somebody else and she told me she wasn't. She came over that night to sit down and to tell me she was talking to somebody else and was at the time when I asked her. She then left and a few hours later came back and told me I was who she wanted, loved me and wanted to be with me forever.

 

So I asked her if she was going to stop talking to this guy and of course she said yes. Well come to find out she would continue to talk to this guy, when i asked if it was a certain guy she said no, and said he had a girlfriend. found out that it was indeed him and he was in fact single. I found all this out last thursday when we were hanging out and I was upset because she lied to my face again. 4 lies from this girl in less than a week. She said she couldn't do this anymore and left me. So guess what she runs to him that very night and I find out that they sleep together. I found out because she told me the next morning. Saying how she was completely drunk, thought about me after it happened, regreted it and that it was a mistake.

 

This absolutely crushed me and still does. She's texted me everyday since our break up and my stupid self keeps texting her back. She says things like this isn't what i wanted at all and that she wanted to be happy with me and loved me. actions speak louder than words. So last sunday we went to dinner and I was ready to forget everything that has happened and start new. We both cried and talked about how much we love each other and wanted to be together but she wasn't ready for a relationship with me. We kissed numerous times and held each other after she told me this. Telling me she now felt better about us and that things with the other guy wouldn't go anywhere and didn't really have feelings for the guy she slept with and talked to behind my back. LIE.

 

Yesterday she texted me at 6 in the morning saying she wanted to hang out. So i was excited and of course agreed. Well ill make it short she called me at 6 in the afternoon and said she had already made plans and forgot about them and couldn't hang out click. She texted me saying she was sorry and that she did want me in her life she was confused because she had feelings for the other guy who she has been actually hanging out with a lot while i get nothing from her for the most part. It looks like 2 years with me is less important for a guy shes known for 2 weeks. We did have a great relationship together, shared so many life experiences, great sex life, and had our lifes planned out together we were actually suppose to move in together on Oct. 1. She actually hasn't even returned anything she got for our apartment. She said she tried but couldn't bring herself to do it because she was so excited about our plans together. Yes we had our problems here and there and have done things wrong but I've never done what she has been doing to me. I don't deserve this anymore. I would never do what she has been doing to me to her.

 

She's lied, cheated, and stood me up and yet im the one who continues to fight for her. I keep giving, giving, and giving and receive nothing back. She should be the one begging for me back but my problem is I've been her doormat for the last 2 years and I see that now. She takes me for granted and doesn't know what its like not to have me. She always thinks im gonna be there but getting stood up is the last straw i can no longer put myself through this pain. I have to let her go. There is no chance for us now. I want her to experience for the first time what losing me will feel like because she has no idea. She still texts me everyday and I know she will again tomorrow just have to be strong and ignore it because every text from her always just seems to be another disappointment that I can't handle. It's so hard because in the end I love her with everything I have and would do anything for her. This is the first time I actually am giving up on us. The only way we even have a chance which seems at about 1% is if she realizes losing me is something she can't handle and figures out that she can't live without me and for the first time in my life she actually fights for me and us. Do I see that happening absolutely not and it's why I have no choice then to let her go. Thank you guys for reading venting on this website really helps.

Edited September 14, 2011 by beachwrangler

[silly_panda]

Tell me about it... I was with my ex girlfriend for 2years and she chose a guy that she just knew for a week..! I think they don't really know what they wan and know what love is... They chose them because they feel like these guys are new and it feels 'fresh' and that they got the butterflies in their stomach feeling again (which they thought is love)... They don't know all of these are just infatuation and lust... Let her go man...

 

Really sorry to hear this... Thought you were really having a second chance in your previous thread... If she text you tomorrow, send her this - I'm moving on and letting you go now, bye... That will boiled her up...

Ignore any of her attempt to contact you after that... Work on yourself and improve much much more... Next time she see you, she will regret ever leaving you and she could never have you back... Hang in there man...

[bigmomma1974]

She did you wrong. YOu stick to your grounds keep ignoring her, If this helps also block her number so you dont get the textes she sends to you and it will help you to heal and get pass all of this. You seem like a kind caring individual and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

[beachwrangler]

I knew she would text me. and of course i responded. She told me the lady called about the apartment but she couldn't pick up because she was at work. I said and Im guessing you were gonna tell her we weren't interested and she said yes unless you wanted to live together anyways. I told her look im not living with you when i know your dating somebody else. I know you don't want me anymore so I dont understand why you just won't let me go. She responded with I really want us to work. I didn't respond I just don't get her anymore.

[othersideofthepillow]

wow i feel you on this one!!!....ive given up with a second chance with my ex. just like you i had hope and thought things were turning around only to get slapped back to reality.....where does she get off breaking it off and than saying she still wants you guys to work!!!! she seems extremely confused as well as selfish - wants to have her cake and eat it too!!!!

 

if it means anything to you, and as hard as it is, try and not text her for a week or even two....when i thought things were on the way of getting back together, she became distant again so i didnt respond to my ex for 4 days and she showed up to my apt (she also lived with me before the spilt) and asked why i wasnt responding and what not but than when confronted her about all the mixed signals she said i was just a friend now. so dont text her.....see what happens.....

[beachwrangler]

Alright so my situation just keeps getting more confusing. So she texted me last night asking if I wanted to do dinner tomorrow and I said I would like that. She responded with okay and then texted me first thing this morning saying good morning babe where did you wanna go for dinner tonight I told her and she was cool with the idea everything was going fine. Then dumb me had to text I love you. Got no response for a couple hours and then she texts me did you go on a date? I told her no honestly that's the least thing I am trying to do at the moment. Which is the truth I'm not worried about looking for a another girl at the moment not at all. She responded with K. I'm not responding to that text. So we'll see if we actually do dinner because last time we tried to hang out she stood me up. This girl is starting to make my head spin.

[othersideofthepillow]

the morning text was a good sign - seems like you were on her mind first thing.....BUT.....the i love you text ways WAAAAAAAYYYY the wrong thing to say. as hard as it is not to bounce off the walls, yell it from the rooftops that you do love her, you CANNOT say it ANYMORE......EVER!!!!! she knows you love her, but she broke it off....just telling her you do will either annoy her or just boost her ego ("i can treat him like **** and he still loves me - guess ill keep screwing him over cause he'll still love me no matter how i treat him") and she'll keep that head of yours spinning like a top.

 

it seems as though she does have feelings for you (btw the pet name was also a good sign) and wants to be around you, and also is checking up on if your seeing anyone else by asking if you went on a date. thats kind of a tricky situation though cause it could be that shes gone on a date with another guy and wants the score to "be even" if you did.

 

hopefully she does actually meet up with you this time. if she stands you up again, especially if she cancels last minute or doesnt even contact you about it and blows you off that way, than THATS IT.....NC & NC for A LONG TIME!!! she isnt really interested in getting back together and would only be using you as a safety net/back up plan and its time to WALK AWAY FOR GOOD and move on!

 

hopefully everything DOES work out for you man......good luck...im pulling for ya!!!!

Edited September 15, 2011 by othersideofthepillow

[beachwrangler]

Alright so we actually had dinner tonight. I picked her up and we both talked about the mistakes we both made in the relationship and she wishes we both realized this months ago. There is a new guy in the picture the guy shes been talking to for the past couple weeks it seems she does have feelings for him. He brought her roses to her work and seems very needy as he is always texting her. He actually just got out of relationship. Roses and you've known the girl for two weeks a little over the top I think. Anyways as for me she said she can't let me go because she loves me and was excited for all the plans we had together. She broke down and told me it's killing her because she doesn't know what to do, she has never given this new guy a chance but loves me but is afraid that nothing will change in our relationship. She said she had to make a decision soon because she couldn't take this anymore. After this conversation was light and we had fun for the rest of the night. I then took her home she said she loved me and said maybe we'll hang out this weekend. I really feel like she is going to choose this other guy over me I see my chances of us getting back together very slim.

[Mary-Jane]

Why don't you just be a man and make her bloody mind up for her.

Trust me she'll respect you for that.

If not, there's of course a good chance that things with that other guy won't work out and she'll be back to you...until next time... so is that really what you want?!

 

You're too afraid to lose her and that is surest way to actually lose.

[othersideofthepillow]

You need to tell her that you cannot be stung along anymore. yes you guys love each other or what not, but what do you think her response would be if the shoe was on the other foot? what if you broke it off with her, than still kept her around, blew her off when it wasn't convenient for you to see her, told her you had feelings for another girl but still were in love with her, that you think you need to give the new girl a chance....???? wtf??? i can almost guarantee that if you were doing this to her she'd say adios!!!!

 

from that premise alone - she is playing the both of you....testing the waters to see if there is something better than you WHILE STILL making sure to keep you close enough (enough hope in your mind that you are slowly getting back together) that if she "choses you" that you havent moved on and will take her back.

 

continuing to always reply to her, meeting up constantly, and saying i love you to each other will do nothing for you in the long run.

 

SHE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL - now let her go - dont talk, visit, call, contact her by any means for a while....let her know that you are GONE (she was "ready" for that when she ended it remember....or so she thought)...so give her what she WANTED.

 

its up to you in the end what you will do....those are my two cents so hopefully it helps

[beachwrangler]

Alright so I have been laying off and she's been telling me she loves me, and calling me baby, babe etc. She came out of the blue and said she wanted to go to the beach with me this weekend. She actually just booked us a room at the beach tonight at our favorite hotel down there. I guess it seems she realized that she wants to make things work with me. I hope things turn out for the best. I guess I'll have my answer after this weekend to know whether we can make this work and leave everything that has happened in the past or just to go our seperate ways and move on.

[beachwrangler]

So just got back from the beach with her and it was a nightmare. Everything was going fine but she was being cold and distant just about the whole time we were down there. Then she told me late last night that she just didn't have those feelings for me anymore and was hoping going to the beach together would make everything okay again between us. Also found why she was texting me all week that she loved me, wanted things to work out, calling me baby etc. that she was in fact sleeping with the other guy at the time. I am just disgusted with her and absolutely done with her. The whole way home this morning she kept saying things such as I hate what's happened to us, she wishes this never happened, that maybe this time apart will be good for us and that maybe we will get back together down the line. I didn't take any of this to heart especially after everything she has done to me. To me she was only saying these things to make herself feel better. Im tired of fighting for somebody that obviously could care less about me. I dropped her off and I am sticking to NC to move on and heal. Ive blocked her on facebook, deleted her from my phone, got rid of pictures or anything she's ever got me. It's time to move on. She chose she was willing to lose me when she left me now I need to do my part and get lost.

[silly_panda]

Yea... Give her what she 'wanted'... And if ever in a point of your life she comes back... This is what I will suggest you doing... RUN..!