counterman Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Specifically girls in their young 20s. I was speaking to one of my girlfriends, and she's been approached many times. She is stunning and says that she does not like it when a guy approaches her with a compliment such as "omg, you are stunning!" or something along those lines, because she believes that those guys only like her cause of your looks. Now that's similar to how I have been opening with girls I meet randomly. I have had varying results. One of my other girl friends explained it to me and said that girls that do not get compliments a lot, really do enjoy one and those that do get complimented a lot, think you're not a challenge anymore. So, I am asking you girls, how you would like to be approached? What would you like said, how would you like it to happen, etc.? There's always room for improvement in the dating world and I would appreciate a woman's perspective on this!
Thornton Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I'm not totally against cold approaches. If a guy approached me and said "I see you're wearing a sports sweater - I like that sport too!" then that sort of cold approach would be fine. Or if he approached me at a gig and said "Hey, so you like acoustic guitar music? Who are your favorite artists?" then that would also be fine. But if he said "Wow, you're stunning!" or something similarly shallow and looks oriented, I wouldn't like that at all. I ignore the ""Wow u r hot!" messages in online dating, and I would also reject the same sort of approach in person. Nobody wants to think that someone is only interested in their looks. I guess that sort of approach might work on some very young and/or dumb women, but I think the vast majority would dislike being treated as a piece of eye candy with no personality.
Andy_K Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I think that's a bit harsh. In person you really have no idea whatsoever of someone's personality until you talk to them. All you have to go on is their looks. If you find someone attractive enough to want to find out if their personality is great, you still only have that to go on. You can't exactly say 'wow, you have an awesome sense of humour'. Just because someone is into your looks, does not mean they are ONLY into your looks. Online dating is different, because there guys *do* generally have something else to go on. When you start going out wearing a teeshirt with your online profile text and a list of interests on it, then you can complain when it's your looks that get you noticed.
Author counterman Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I've never said "You're hot!" or "You're sexy!" - but I have said "I thought you were adorable and had to meet you" and have had interesting conversations from that. However, I understand that some girls don't like to be treated like they're eye candy and that guys just going for her for her looks. Thanks for your suggestions though, if I do pick up that a girl has a common interest of mine, I usually bring it up! I agree with Andy. The reality is that I only approach girls that I am attracted to. And when I open directly, I'm making my intentions clear, and my intentions are that if we do click and we do have some common interests, I would like to meet you again and we'll see from there. I have approached attractive girls and ended up not following up with her number or a date because I felt we didn't share anything or our communication wasn't compatible. However, I understand how some girls might not see it that way... especially if they're use to guys hitting on them and looking for something more. On the other hand, I see some guys approaching girls beating around the bush and the girls simply have to leave and nothing eventuates. That's why I asked the question - because often we don't get feedback from women and I appreciate women's perspective and advice on this.
coolheadal Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Those are online make it tough to talk too. So what are you going to say to them? Oh I see you loves dogs, and so do I. Would you like to talk more sometime to get to know each other. But oh no that's not what they want to hear either. So just say What's up? Talk brief and get on with it.
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