omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Riddle me this, LS: How do you know when someone's a "rebound girl" or not? How do you know when it's safe to start dating again? Do you ever really know? Isn't the next person you date after the so-called "love of your life" ALWAYS gonna be the "rebound girl"? What's the deal-e-o?
silly_panda Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 When you feel indifference with the things that your ex does... Even when you think of them, they will not affect your mood and feelings... That's when you know you are over them... And the next relationship, will not be consider a rebound relationship...
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Two red flags for me are: 1. Anything but neutral emotions when discussing superficial aspects of the person's most recent past relationship. 2. 'Instant intimacy', almost like the dynamic of hysterical bonding.
Author omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 OK, let's say it's been a year. You think you're over the hump because your ex doesn't affect your mood or feelings. But then you meet a new person, and this new person is nothing like your ex in appearance or personality. But then you get to a more intimate level with this person, and that digs up old feelings for your ex that you thought were through. Thus triggering the grieving process all over again, perhaps even subconsciously this time, if you're in denial. Then what? Is it gonna be like that movie "Saving Silverman"? Basically, what happens when your old relationship and new relationship start to blend together? Because they will at some point, right?
othersideofthepillow Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Hmm...that sounds like a terrible outlook. I have cared tremendously for 3 women in my life. On all three occasions, when i began a relationship with each of them....NONE OF THE OTHER 3 where even in my mind in that way whatsoever. I knew they were in my past, but thats where they stayed. Nothing that i did with the current woman triggered anything from my previous relationships....if those feelings come up...than you ARE NOT over your ex and you need more time.
Author omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 if those feelings come up...than you ARE NOT over your ex and you need more time. That's what I figured. Just needed a second, third, and fourth opinion. What was the time frame like between those 3 women?
Dark Phoenix Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 This is my logic on your question. Every relationship after "the love of your life" is considered a rebound to me. I don't think love ever completely goes away, if it does then it wasn't love (also why I disagree with being friends with an ex). Every rebound has the potential to become a Long Term Relationship, and also has the potential for you to Love that next partner thereafter. If you're digging up attraction for your ex, and entering the grieving process again I would have to say that you're not quite ready to start dating again. According to a study done by Yahoo, Men that fell in love with their partner and were dumped took them 6 months to 1.5 years to heal (average range, some take longer or shorter periods of time). Women took 2 to 3 years to heal. Obviously this isn't from my own personal experience but I hope it helps.
Author omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I don't think love ever completely goes away, if it does then it wasn't love (also why I disagree with being friends with an ex). Now you're speaking my language! I have this same philosophy. My ex would always say, "let's just be friend," in which I would always respond with something like, "Why do you insist on being friends, as if that's going to change who we are and how we feel? It's too late!" I love my ex, but at the same time, the relationship wasn't worth the stress that both of us were put through. If you're digging up attraction for your ex, and entering the grieving process again I would have to say that you're not quite ready to start dating again. According to a study done by Yahoo, Men that fell in love with their partner and were dumped took them 6 months to 1.5 years to heal (average range, some take longer or shorter periods of time). Women took 2 to 3 years to heal. Obviously this isn't from my own personal experience but I hope it helps. Thanks for that. Just for the record, I'm not talking about myself. I'm more preparing myself for if this situation were to ever arise. I'm getting myself over the hump, so I can start humping again (sorry, couldn't resist). Also, I was the one who initiated the break up with my girlfriend and left. I'm sure that must effect the time it takes for me to healing, right?
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Isn't the next person you date after the so-called "love of your life" ALWAYS gonna be the "rebound girl/<guy>"? If a person chooses to heal the emotional wounds from the end of an unhealthy relationship, or grieve the loss of a healthy relationship (like through death) alone, no other people are affected by this process. Once healed, the person is at a neutral state and can proceed to invest into a new intimacy with health. Generally, no 'rebound' will occur. Others will use other people during their healing, rebounding once or more before finally healing from the original wounds, but also being affected by any subsequent wounds from their rebound relationships. This of course depends on whether and how they invest in such relationships. If it is of the 'I let them love me' variety, the other person is largely irrelevant at the base emotional level and less rebound baggage attends. If more investment, more potential baggage to heal. I'm absolutely sure they exist because I've read some anecdotes on LS but, in real life, I have never met or known a woman to be alone for 2-3 years while healing the affects of an ended relationship. The closest I can come to it is my mother, who never dated again after my dad died. That's about it. Women my age move from one man to another like I change boxer-briefs. If my timing isn't stupendously perfect, fail. That's reality, at least where I live. Interspersed with that dynamic are those who let me love them (low baggage rebounds) and then move on to the next serious relationship. The work is in identifying those and avoiding them. Love Hoovers, they are.
Author omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Carhill, why can't you be my online dad?
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 My sperm have low motility and just rebound
Rockyb87 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Dude i was thinking the same thing, is she a rebound girl? im currently with this girl right now shes cool and im really digging this girl we've already gone on a few dates and pretty much chilled watched movies and other stuff, heh.I already know this is the honeymoon stage where everything is all rainbows and unicorns and later it'll past and we'll start eventually getting used to each and argue so that is y im also keeping my guard up. I dont want nothing to resurface from the past but u know it happens and well i just gotta do my best to make the outcome better. Hopefully she wont be just another girl to me.
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