Fell For My Fling And Got Left :(

[Miss_Angelina]

I had started this fling with this guy i met oddly at a place i would never go but something told me to stop there anyway. i met him and thought he was gorgeous i looked him up and email him and told him i thought he was cute he messanges me back and i do not hesitate to start a fling.. we had sex and then he asked me out.. i accepted thought i'd give it a try. i played hard to get the whole time till he filled my head with dreams of an apartment and us such things.. i started to fall mind you we have only been on for a month. well time goes by we start fighting over money and stuff but i am goo goo over him.. he tell me one night its over and he thinks i can do better.. well i cry and plead with him and he is a complete dick to me.. i have only felt sick to my stomach my heartbeat shallow and pitiful with only one other guy that i was in love with but i didnt know i could fall this fast in 6 weeks...so i then play the no contact card and switch up completely to a happy confident person.. he then calls and i rant about how happy i am and how life is going trying to act like im okay with the break up your loss kinda thing.. he then calls me later and we sit on the phone for 2 hours talking about everything and even nothing.. i hang up, play like the phone lost service and he calls right back.. in our conversation he said see i think we get along better as friends and i think it was just suppose to be this way.. i say no we act the same.. he says he disagrees. i say aw well i don't need a boy friend right now anyway and he is silent then the convo changes.. im still doing the no contact thing but what else can i do. i need advice on this situation bad cause honestly i have some deep feeling but am acting as im not and trying to get him back.. should i not answer his calls for a while till he seems like he's chasing me or whats next??? <3

[Dark Phoenix]

It was a fling, keep that in mind because you said it yourself.

 

You seem to be doing very well with the No Contact rule; However, your relationship was very short so you should be doing a lot of push/pull. try to match his actions but not mirror them. Pull him in close then push him away, this will create attraction to you. You've already shown him that you can definitely survive without him in the picture. Now add some pull to your actions (pulling him closer, acting like you want him) then push him away. This will spark some curiosity into his mind and make him want you. Don't have sex with him though, that will just make things to easy and he will lose interest. do some Push/Pull on his emotions and he will become attracted and you can build up from there.

 

 

being this was a short relationship you have a lot better of a chance to get him to come back. it's not for certain but the ball is in your court, you decide how the game will commence from here. BUT DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM AT THIS POINT, that will ruin everything.

[wilsonx]

LOL dont listen to heartofaphoenix... thats his new name... his old one got owned for reporting spam....

 

He is wasted it is his 21st birthday

 

Happy birthday Heart =)

 

Thread Hijacking is almost as fun as car hijacking

[Miss_Angelina]

well the thing is im wanting way more then a fling now and he was the one who initialized us to get together in the first place but called it off first. i have said i have been going out on dates and stuff talking to other people but im only saying this to make him think im not interested. im not sure if tugging back would help or not im scared i guess.. i mean this is now the night after the long phone call and he has not called again.. should i call him now?

 

another thing is that he tells me we were both miserable so we had to break up and that he has no one else in mind..

 

i really need a good understanding of all this

Edited September 14, 2011 by Miss_Angelina
more info

[lovelustlost]

see life is always thr to give u a second chance. If your heart says it was more then a fling, then go ahead and listen to u r heart. remember heart is by default on u r left side of the body but its always right.

 

Love has to be worked out and u have to tk efforts to see to it tht both of u r in a relation smoothly.

[Ginger Beer]

I had started this fling with this guy i met oddly at a place i would never go but something told me to stop there anyway. i met him and thought he was gorgeous i looked him up and email him and told him i thought he was cute he messanges me back and i do not hesitate to start a fling.. we had sex and then he asked me out.. i accepted thought i'd give it a try. i played hard to get the whole time till he filled my head with dreams of an apartment and us such things.. i started to fall mind you we have only been on for a month. well time goes by we start fighting over money and stuff but i am goo goo over him.. he tell me one night its over and he thinks i can do better.. well i cry and plead with him and he is a complete dick to me.. i have only felt sick to my stomach my heartbeat shallow and pitiful with only one other guy that i was in love with but i didnt know i could fall this fast in 6 weeks...so i then play the no contact card and switch up completely to a happy confident person.. he then calls and i rant about how happy i am and how life is going trying to act like im okay with the break up your loss kinda thing.. he then calls me later and we sit on the phone for 2 hours talking about everything and even nothing.. i hang up, play like the phone lost service and he calls right back.. in our conversation he said see i think we get along better as friends and i think it was just suppose to be this way.. i say no we act the same.. he says he disagrees. i say aw well i don't need a boy friend right now anyway and he is silent then the convo changes.. im still doing the no contact thing but what else can i do. i need advice on this situation bad cause honestly i have some deep feeling but am acting as im not and trying to get him back.. should i not answer his calls for a while till he seems like he's chasing me or whats next??? <3

 

This is why I'm against promiscuity. You can't have sex before even being asked out and then expect the man (or woman) to care about you.

[lindajamison76]

Good post. I appreciate it!

[Miss_Angelina]

well i did not have feelings for the hook up in the first place but then he wanted a relationship and then i began to fall and now were at this point an i still do not know what to do

[TheDovic]

Sounds to me like you two got too serious too quickly!!! Be honest with yourself, was being so serious a mutual thing or did you come on too strong? Maybe this scared him away! If I was seeing someone for just a month and we were arguing about money I would run for the hills. That's meant to be the fun part of the relationship

[Miss_Angelina]

yeah i'd say we did move to fast.. but the whole relationship he's saying he's falling for me and scared so i step up and i guess he steps back..

[Mack05]

I will say it once and I will say it again. I just don't understand why people just jump into bed so fast nowadays. Whatever happened to slowly getting to know someone? Building a relationship foundation? Establishing trust and a 'REAL' connection before getting serious in the bedroom. For people to behave with class and show respect to one another? I truly believe relationships fail more nowdays because people have forgotten how to build trust and establish real feelings, before jumping into bed together. These days it seems people jump from one partner to the next having great sexual chemistry, convinced they have met 'the one', only for things to come crashing down after the honeymoon period (which can last anything from 3 months to 2 years). When real problems arise, the relationship can't cope because the couple went from A to Z too fast without truly ever getting to know one another.

 

Your bond with him was superficial. U didn't know the guy. There is so much more that goes into establishing a real connection, then getting on great for a month. You guys rushed things way too quickly. Relationships based on chemistry and jumping into sex too fast, rarely last. I would put this down to experience and leave it go. This guy will never be able to give you the emotional fullfillment you crave. Learn the lessons from this relationship and put them into practice in the next relationship. If next time you feel yourself falling for a guy, show yourself more self respect. No bigger turn off for a lot of guys, then a girl that jumps into bed with him quickly. He starts thinking how many more guys has she done this with? Take time to build that relationship foundation before getting serious. Try establish trust and real feelings. Once that happens, sudden changes of mind and baffling changes of behaviour tend not to happen..

[AniD5061]

This is the same as asking love or lust? The chicken or the egg? Which one comes first? I would agree that love should come first, and lust will develop if it wasn't there already. But at the same time so many of us will have a fling, a one night stand, just to have some fun for the night. (I make no judgements, I am guilty myself.) However the biggest problem is that true love is one that is built on a foundation of trust, kindness, time, and similar values with each other. When we try to have a fling and turn it into a relationship, (lust before love) it almost never works out because the building blocks were not laid out. Furthermore, your guy seems to be confused at what he wants right now, is not ready for the same healthy relationship you seek, and may or may not share the same feelings for you as you do him.

 

I was in a very similar position in my life once. The break up caused me more pain that I had ever experienced. But I realized that truly letting him go, meaning NC even if he tries to contact you, would help me move on to meet other men who were on the same level as me. I could meet someone that I can get to know, fall in love, and having meaningful sex with. The scary part is not knowing if there are other men out there that could ignite your love fire the same way. But trust me when I say this. There will be. And it's not overly ambitious to take matters into your own hands by joining dating networks, and social gatherings.

 

I hope my two cents helps. Good Luck.

[Sugarkane]

I read this and I could really relate, as I did the same thing many months ago. In hindsight it was a mistake: I was still depressed and not quite myself after the breakup. The fling used me and was really nasty to me. He had no reason to be. He even contacted me months later and told me all my faults! The nerve! I treated him well and like you wanted something more.

 

My guy friend [platonic] thinks that you can turn a fling into something more. Next time I'm not going to liten to him, thats for sure! Man was he wrong.

[Miss_Angelina]

well here is the deal now.. i hung out with him today and tried to be his friend but the more time i spent with him the more depressed i would get.. i told him i could not be just friends that i have much stronger feelings for him then that and not to contact me unless it was about us but i would not wait for ever.. then i go to leave and ask for a hug he would not give me one and says might as well start hating me now.. so i gave him a hug and walked away saying you must not realize what your losing.. so his aunt texts me saying he is now questioning her about me and she said he really cares about me but is confused and the only stuff he did not like about me was i was sneaky and insecure. i told his aunt to tell him im not sneaky im nosy and im not insecure because i am by far confident just everyone has there own battles.. well she told him and he is moping around the house now.. what next? im trying so hard to take this the most mature route and save it but i don't know what else i can do. and i would say it was a fling as far as i did feel i needed the sex at the moment but the way i meant him and searched for him made me think maybe these were signs of destiny. i also do believe in love at first sight and believe sex has nothing to do with love it is just a action to fulfill each others needs and desires..i don't know.. comments and help please.???

Edited September 15, 2011 by Miss_Angelina