Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I met this girl on a dating site (lame, I know) She is nice, but has gotten kinda clingy, (We havent even met yet). Saying things like, "You are wonderful," "There aren't people in this world like you" and "you have beautiful eyes" "Im so happy I met you." "im not pretty" etc Today she admitted she had a bit of a crush on me. ***She also said she isn't over her last breakup*** We are meeting for coffee tomorrow. What should I do? I don't want her, or I, to get emotionally invested right off the bat, but I also don't want to be a jerk. Any advice?
CarrieT Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Cancel now and tell her you have had second thoughts.
jerbear Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Fulfill your coffee date. Just don't have a second date.
cerridwen Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Fulfill your coffee date. Just don't have a second date. I'm with the bear. Go for coffee but don't let her flatter you into another date.
andrew-bkk Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I met this girl on a dating site (lame, I know) She is nice, but has gotten kinda clingy, (We havent even met yet). Saying things like, "You are wonderful," "There aren't people in this world like you" and "you have beautiful eyes" "Im so happy I met you." "im not pretty" etc Today she admitted she had a bit of a crush on me. ***She also said she isn't over her last breakup*** You are a rebound and an emotional cushion. You're being used. I did the same thing myself after a painful breakup.
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I like the idea of going and not scheduling a second date. Can i kiss her, even with those intentions?
coolheadal Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Been there done that! Don't do it just wasting your time to be with her. While her full mindset not even on your. Just using you to think about something else to do in her day. Which is really bad on her part to do to you. If you do go with her on the coffee date go dutch!
omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Oh, well say no more, go for it man! NO! Don't.
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 -I will play it really cautiously -I will def go dutch -If she mentions her ex even once, I'm out -Depending on how the date goes, depends on whether I kiss her or not
cerridwen Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 -I will play it really cautiously -I will def go dutch -If she mentions her ex even once, I'm out -Depending on how the date goes, depends on whether I kiss her or not Add: -Report back Have fun.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 She is using you. I agree, cancel the second date.
jerbear Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I wouldn't kiss her. However, if you do kiss her, you might be opening up and cracking Pandora's box.
cerridwen Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Yea, my instinct is she not trying to use you. She's just bat sh^t crazy.
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I will report back. She also said we can cuddle on her couch, any time I want.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Dude, listen to me... Don't invest time in this woman. She is using you, and will break your heart. If you give your heart away to this woman, prepare to have it force fed back to you.
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I've had weird feeling about this, so I'm glad you all are agreeing. Should I be polite, and meet with her tomorrow?
omkara Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Depends. Do you wanna open a Pandora box? I wouldn't kiss her. However, if you do kiss her, you might be opening up and cracking Pandora's box. That's a twofer. Last warning: Do NOT kiss the potential succubus. If you don't report back, I'm gonna assume you're a goner.
coolheadal Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I've had weird feeling about this, so I'm glad you all are agreeing. Should I be polite, and meet with her tomorrow? Don't even bother to to cuddle her or anything. She's going to think of the other guy if you do. Times are hard already why waste time on this one. Unless you want to learn more about how it goes. Remember go dutch and if she talks about the ex guy, excuse yourself and don't return to the table. Of course that's rude to do but she's just using you anyway. Make sure you take notes and give us a full report. Good luck!
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 ***She also said she isn't over her last breakup*** How long has it been since her last relationship, and how long did the relationship last?
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 How long has it been since her last relationship, and how long did the relationship last? Not sure how long it lasted, but she said it ended 2 months ago and it was very fast.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Not sure how long it lasted, but she said it ended 2 months ago and it was very fast. If it was a multi-year relationship, two months sounds fast and her behavior suggests you're her rebound. If it was under a year, two months is probably fine. Either way, tell her your concerns--that you think she's moving fast and that you're afraid you're just going to be a temporary rebound relationship for her.
Author Mark1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 If it was a multi-year relationship, two months sounds fast and her behavior suggests you're her rebound. If it was under a year, two months is probably fine. Either way, tell her your concerns--that you think she's moving fast and that you're afraid you're just going to be a temporary rebound relationship for her. Thanks. I've never been a "rebound" before - what does it entail? On the plus side, we both agreed we are not looking for anything long term.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I've never been a "rebound" before - what does it entail? I haven't been in one either but it makes perfect sense to me as to how people get into them, whenever a long relationship ends for me I feel like being back in it or finding another one as fast as I can, but this addictive feeling leads to bad decisions. If you really didn't want a previous relationship to end, a rebound is when someone rushes into a new one without making sure they're actually attracted to the person they get with and that they're compatible. They want to feel the love and security of a relationship so badly they act overly-quickly as if a new one has begun so they can feel like they did in their last one. It's bad because if they do prioritize getting the security of a relationship above their actual relationship needs, once they feel secure again with you, they'll start taking an objective look again at who they've ended up with, and if they don't like what they see, they'll get disillusioned. If you're not right for them then at best, they'll just stop loving you and perhaps try to hide it, or at worst, they'll start looking for someone new--probably before they even break up with you. If you fear a rebound, be absolutely sure what it is that she sees in you. If you don't know, she may not see much at all--you could just be her security blanket for now.
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