Author CrazyMom Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Oh girl...what did you say???? That does sting when you don't get a reponse. You could open an email account and just type drafts in there. It was okay. Feeling kind of blue today. Just sad that things are ending up the way they are. Realizing that when really what I wanted was an apology and acknowledgement of my feelings, and to be told I was really loved. I got those, but him coming by, just solidifies all he wants is for me to be on the side. B/c he didn't show up with divorce papers in hand, did he??? It makes me mad, makes me sad, all at the same time. Ready for this crappy feeling to be over with! I apologized to him for not respecting that he didn't want to be "that guy.". Told him I'm going to work on myself and that he was right I have to make this decision without him being a factor. That he's important to me and I really want to try to be friends, I hate not being able to just text him and see how he is. From reading your posts I do think he's trying to get you to give in again. Wouldn't it be great if he'd have shown up with divorce papers?!? But it would still be risky to be with him knowing the kind of person he is. Coming from me that may not mean much...I guess I'm probably like him in some ways. I wish we could both just wake up tomorrow and have all of this be over and be happy. We need an easy button for LIFE!
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I apologized to him for not respecting that he didn't want to be "that guy.". Told him I'm going to work on myself and that he was right I have to make this decision without him being a factor. That he's important to me and I really want to try to be friends, I hate not being able to just text him and see how he is. From reading your posts I do think he's trying to get you to give in again. Wouldn't it be great if he'd have shown up with divorce papers?!? But it would still be risky to be with him knowing the kind of person he is. Coming from me that may not mean much...I guess I'm probably like him in some ways. I wish we could both just wake up tomorrow and have all of this be over and be happy. We need an easy button for LIFE! Stop! Quit busting on yourself. I am like him too in many ways. and it is cowardly is what it is. Yeah, that would have been nice, I guess. I think it was nice what you said to OM. Just don't do it anymore. And really respect his wishes. You can always find him again, once you make your decision. How are things going today? I didn't get on till late. Crazy busy day!!!
Author CrazyMom Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Stop! Quit busting on yourself. I am like him too in many ways. and it is cowardly is what it is. Yeah, that would have been nice, I guess. I think it was nice what you said to OM. Just don't do it anymore. And really respect his wishes. You can always find him again, once you make your decision. How are things going today? I didn't get on till late. Crazy busy day!!! Things are ok. Did some more C research. The one I thought I had picked isn't covered by our insurance so I'm back at square one. Heard from OM so that caused a flood of emotions I wasn't expecting. How are you?
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Things are ok. Did some more C research. The one I thought I had picked isn't covered by our insurance so I'm back at square one. Heard from OM so that caused a flood of emotions I wasn't expecting. How are you? You did? What did he say??? Today, i'm sad. Dunno really why....just am. Yesterday had a great day. Hardly thought of him, had energy, was insane busy. So it was nice. But today, not so busy, so I guess thinking through everything. I would love to go to a hypmotherapist...so I could be made to forget everything.
Author CrazyMom Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 You did? What did he say??? Today, i'm sad. Dunno really why....just am. Yesterday had a great day. Hardly thought of him, had energy, was insane busy. So it was nice. But today, not so busy, so I guess thinking through everything. I would love to go to a hypmotherapist...so I could be made to forget everything. Well, he just said he's having trouble checking his messages so I should text him instead. So he didn't really get to read what I sent him. But hey, it's a response! I'm sorry you're sad. Definitely helps keep your mind off things when you're busy. I think that's part of my problem, I'm rarely busy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be made to forget everything? But I still go back and forth with that because when things were good with OM they were really good. I haven't moved on to the stage of wanting that to end.
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Well, he just said he's having trouble checking his messages so I should text him instead. So he didn't really get to read what I sent him. But hey, it's a response! I'm sorry you're sad. Definitely helps keep your mind off things when you're busy. I think that's part of my problem, I'm rarely busy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be made to forget everything? But I still go back and forth with that because when things were good with OM they were really good. I haven't moved on to the stage of wanting that to end. Yes, I know you haven't. I really wish we could PM so could speak a little freeier. So, have you thought about trying with your M? how are things going on that end?
Author CrazyMom Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Yes, I know you haven't. I really wish we could PM so could speak a little freeier. So, have you thought about trying with your M? how are things going on that end? Are you already able to PM? Maybe I can just pay for premium benefits. I still think I owe it to my son to try to stay here. On a day to day basis I feel ok with things. I get along with H and it's just like living with a close friend. When intimacy comes into play I'm pretty much convinced things are over. I feel no desire and usually end up feeling like I just can't live this way. I'm definitely on a roller coaster. But I'm not going to just give up. However, I probably already would've if we didn't have a child.
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Are you already able to PM? Maybe I can just pay for premium benefits. I still think I owe it to my son to try to stay here. On a day to day basis I feel ok with things. I get along with H and it's just like living with a close friend. When intimacy comes into play I'm pretty much convinced things are over. I feel no desire and usually end up feeling like I just can't live this way. I'm definitely on a roller coaster. But I'm not going to just give up. However, I probably already would've if we didn't have a child. No, I can't till the end of this month. I understand EVERYTHING you are saying...trust me. Nice to know that you really aren't that crazy and what you are feeling is "normal". For whatever that word means. How much is the premium?
Author CrazyMom Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 No, I can't till the end of this month. I understand EVERYTHING you are saying...trust me. Nice to know that you really aren't that crazy and what you are feeling is "normal". For whatever that word means. How much is the premium? It definitely helps to know that my feeling are "normal" in this not-so-normal situation at least. I found a book online that I was able to read an exert from. It was spot on the stages of an affair. Really made me understand myself better. Unfortunately the book is super expensive. I think premium is $2.50 per month. But it gets cheaper if you buy for 3,6,12 months etc. Not too bad.
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It definitely helps to know that my feeling are "normal" in this not-so-normal situation at least. I found a book online that I was able to read an exert from. It was spot on the stages of an affair. Really made me understand myself better. Unfortunately the book is super expensive. I think premium is $2.50 per month. But it gets cheaper if you buy for 3,6,12 months etc. Not too bad. Thats not bad at all. You going to do it? Well, counseling will help you with that. It definitely is a "perfect storm" that gets you there. If your not just some scum bag that just wants a piece of booty. I'm struggling today. ARGH!
Author CrazyMom Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Thats not bad at all. You going to do it? Well, counseling will help you with that. It definitely is a "perfect storm" that gets you there. If your not just some scum bag that just wants a piece of booty. I'm struggling today. ARGH! Oh no Why do you think? Yeah, I did it. So you can PM me when you're able I hope your night gets better!
wannabdone Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Oh no Why do you think? Yeah, I did it. So you can PM me when you're able I hope your night gets better! Okay. I am getting ready to go to bed, and I have my boss with me tomorrow. ICK! So, after work I will buy it so we can. I don't know... just sad, I guess. Natural.
Author CrazyMom Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Okay. I am getting ready to go to bed, and I have my boss with me tomorrow. ICK! So, after work I will buy it so we can. I don't know... just sad, I guess. Natural. Ugh, good luck today! I stayed pretty busy yesterday but night time is the worst for me. I was pretty sad too. I texted OM, like he said to, and heard nothing. Back on his roller coaster I hope tonight is better for you!
wannabdone Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Well, how did today go? I need to do the subscription.
Author CrazyMom Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Well, how did today go? I need to do the subscription. Today was ok. Nothing really going on. Do you feel any better? Hope your day with your boss went well
wannabdone Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Today was ok. Nothing really going on. Do you feel any better? Hope your day with your boss went well Today.... well, it was with my boss. Good that it kept my mind off things. That was nice. But I'm just completely worn down. I think this is really started to take its tolls on me physically and emotionally. So, nothing today???
Author CrazyMom Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Today.... well, it was with my boss. Good that it kept my mind off things. That was nice. But I'm just completely worn down. I think this is really started to take its tolls on me physically and emotionally. So, nothing today??? I'm sorry. I can imagine it's taking a toll on you. It's not easy to stay strong when it would be so much easier (and in some ways, feel better) to give in. But you've come this far, you're doing great! Nope, nothing. I was mad this morning, and still kind of am. I was 100% honest with OM about everything through all if this and he was hesitant to trust me. He's the one jerking me around and lying. Makes me so mad and sad.
Author CrazyMom Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 just sent you a pm. YAY!!! Off to check!
wannabdone Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I'm sorry. I can imagine it's taking a toll on you. It's not easy to stay strong when it would be so much easier (and in some ways, feel better) to give in. But you've come this far, you're doing great! Nope, nothing. I was mad this morning, and still kind of am. I was 100% honest with OM about everything through all if this and he was hesitant to trust me. He's the one jerking me around and lying. Makes me so mad and sad. don't blame you. did you get my pm?
Author CrazyMom Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 don't blame you. did you get my pm? Yep, just wrote you
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