vodka spills Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I cut off contact with my ex not long ago. He was the dumper. He said it was for our good. I felt devastated (who doesn't?) and went through the typical post-relationship trauma. Then I stopped contacting him in hopes of getting better. It worked, sometimes. I say sometimes because a great part of me still wants him back. But I found out that he is doing way worse than me after the split-up. Despite how I myself need to heal and stay away from him, I don't feel capable of staying silent while I am witnessing this. I mean, there are die-hard NC-ers out there who recommand that the focus should entirely be on you after a breakup because how the other person is doing doesn't matter, but in this case, should I show up as a friend who cares? PS: We broke up on good terms, but prior to that, our relationship was shattered by me being too busy with college and by our personal insecurities.
wilsonx Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Happens but its not your problem any more, you need to focus on you. He ended the relationship, he has to deal with it. No matter what the circumstances are. I know it sounds harsh but its the way it has to be for both of you to move on
Besmy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Only too deserved that your ex (the dumper) is unhappy. Don't break NC. If (IF) he is really SOOOO desperate because of you, he'll reach out for you.
TheDovic Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Are you really trying to be there as a friend though or is it in the hope of winning him back? If it's the second option and he really doesn't want this then you're just setting yourself up to be hurt all over again, and as I'm sure you know, every rejection is as difficult as the first one so be prepared for some strong feelings. If on the other hand you really believe you can be his friend then by all means help him. I know some people might say he deserves it but it sounds to me like he isn't a bad guy and has made a very difficult choice which he knew would affect him badly too. Either way, good luck
Author vodka spills Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks everyone! What if it is a mix of both? Since I still love him, I care about his well being...
usabup Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks everyone! What if it is a mix of both? Since I still love him, I care about his well being... How long where you together for?
Author vodka spills Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 For about half a year... I know it's short, but this is one of the reasons why I feel shattered. I wish our relationship would have lasted longer.
mike588 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I was dumped 6 weeks ago. All she told me 1 week later was that she was feeling a sense of grief, sadness and loss. I wish thats all I had to feel. 1
Author vodka spills Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I was dumped 6 weeks ago. All she told me 1 week later was that she was feeling a sense of grief, sadness and loss. I wish thats all I had to feel. I am sorry to hear this . How did you react?
danceallday Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Thanks for posting the link to the site. It looks good.
usabup Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Well, its a difficult one to advise on really without more info. How old are you both? You seem quite young if your still at colleage? Did you have a good relationship before the break up?
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