moontiger Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Some years ago, for a few months I dated a man who was a nice fellow, but had some issues. Prior to me, he had been in love with his best friend for ten years but she had no interest in him, and then there was a woman whom he dumped for no real reason, and deeply regretted that he had dumped. He said I was his most serious relationship, until one day he abruptly dumped me too, for vague reasons like not feeling "chemistry." I told him not to call unless he changed his mind. Two months on, he called, once, and left no message. By then I was over him and didn't answer. Anyway, I was poking around OKCupid today and found him. His profile picture is a picture I took of him, with the caption "This picture was taken by a very good person." His "First things people notice about you" says "I've been told that [something I told him.]" So he hasn't forgotten me. But here is the cryptic thing. OKCupid has questions you can answer, and write an explanation. One of the questions was "do you have an ex you'd really like to date again?" He had chosen the answer "No." And underneath, he had put the explanation "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need." This is obviously a lyric from the Rolling Stones song, but I have no idea what it means in this context (and possibly with regard to me). Any ideas? PS--In case you're wondering, in practice, it doesn't matter; I am long over him, and have moved to a different state. I'm just curious. PPS--Irritatingly, under "do you always give the real reason for a breakup?" he'd answered "No, the person will hurt enough as it is. Spare their feelings." So I really don't, and will never know why exactly it was he broke things off with me. Though I am glad my suspicions are confirmed that the vague reasons he gave about "not having common interests" and "not feeling chemistry" were not really what he was thinking. Edited September 14, 2011 by moontiger
Author moontiger Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Any thoughts on my "message from beyond?"
Dark Phoenix Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Why are you curious about someone you are "over"? Sounds to me like you aren't over him yet. and for the record, I doubt he will have any luck with those answers on a dating site. He basically says "I'm a liar, not creative/logical enough to answer these questions on my own so I use song lyrics, and I have a lot of red flags".
Author moontiger Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Why are you curious about someone you are "over"? Sounds to me like you aren't over him yet. Because he was a big part of my life and my best friend once, and I really thought I'd marry him. I went complete cold-turkey NC the second he broke up with me years ago, so I had no idea what happened to him, or for that matter what his thoughts were post-breakup, or why he left me. My curiosity about those things, though--and wanting to understand what he's written about me on a web site, doesn't mean I'd date him again.
Author moontiger Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Well, I guess I'll have to come up with my own answer. Here's the strange part: What ex-ex wrote would have made sense had I dumped him, rather than the other way around. The Rolling Stones song says that sometimes you don't get what you want, but that may be for the best as something more appropriate may come along. So maybe ex-ex is saying that he wanted things to work out with me, but they didn't. Maybe (?) later he regretted leaving. But that it's probably for the best that it didn't work out, because we really were not right for one another. Which is true. With a few years' perspective, I agree with him fully. If I'd married him, I'd be good and stuck, in a small town where I was unhappy and with a man I'd never have married if I had more options. So here's what I have to say about it all: "You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you might find you get what you need."
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 From what you've written it seems like this guy doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he holds you in high regard by quoting something you had said and referring to you as special, but doesn't want to have a relationship with you i.e. his answer to the question about an ex! Glad you're over him though. Go find someone who makes you feel special
Author moontiger Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 From what you've written it seems like this guy doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he holds you in high regard by quoting something you had said and referring to you as special, but doesn't want to have a relationship with you i.e. his answer to the question about an ex! That makes sense, and I think that's probably it. It was a weird breakup; out of the blue, he just up and...left. I never knew why, and he never explained--and we never spoke again, because he broke my heart a little too hard. Anyway, yup, time to find somebody who stays.
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