PositiveNegative Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Hey all, you can see my story in my previous threads but basically my ex broke up with me for GIGS but wanted to give us a 2nd chance someday when she had "matured and grown". It has been stringing me along and I'm so torn, I still haven't convinced myself that this is really over. I've been talking to just about everyone I know about this, getting advice and all. Today I decided to reach out to my ex ex who I have not talked to in about a year. I have absolutely no intentions of getting together with her again but as someone who dumped me before I wanted to get some perspective. We ended our relationship on pretty good terms and we knew we were wrong for each other, so I knew we could talk as friends. So we meet and I tell her my story. Basically she tells me that I should reach out to her, that if I really wanted my recent ex that I should keep in touch rather than do NC. She told that because of the way my recent ex wanted us to be together again someday that I should keep contact. I tried to explain the concept of NC but she didn't understand it, somehow she had kinda convinced me to break NC! I was contemplating it because I felt she had some good points. I asked her why she never tried to contact me after we broke up and she said because I told her that it would've been better if we didn't. I said the same thing to my recent ex... She also said that this time apart may just decrease her chances of getting back with me instead of increasing them... While I was listening to her I was almost convinced to break NC. But I know it's for the best. But... why??? Maybe LC would work in my situation? Ugh! I'm so torn, please help!
Unrequitedlove Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 It's way too soon to reach out to your ex, despite you being advised to do so. I too was dumped by my boyfriend in the middle of August for the same reason. He wanted to "mature and grow", and said that in the future, it'll work itself out. Unfortunately, this just leaves us with false hope, and all we're doing is wasting time wondering and pining over them. My advice is to disregard that advice and stick to NC. You both need a lot more time to fully analyze what went on in the relationship that truly caused the break up, and whether or not it really is worth reaching out to her or not. I haven't been in contact with my ex for over four weeks, and had I done what I initially thought of doing in the beginning, I recognize now that it would've caused more harm than good, if I still wanted a chance at reconciliation at this point.
Author PositiveNegative Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Jesus UL, it really does sound like we got dumped for the same reason. What is wrong with these people!? I think in a lot of ways it is a lie, if she didn't love me anymore she should've just said that! I know my ex would respond to me if I said something and would make me feel good for that moment but I guess I'm not too sure what it would achieve. I'm going to stick to NC for now, as tempting as it is to go LC.... I feel I may go that path when I'm ready. Oh btw, it was weird. My ex ex also broke up with me for GIGS among other things. I was asking her about her current boyfriend and she was saying that she probably would've felt the same way about her current boyfriend had she not been with me. I'm happy for her though, she mentioned they had discussed the future and she would be happy to end up with him. My recent ex also told me that she is doing this to find out what "love is" and would've felt better had she had at least one more significant relationship AKA "bad timing". It sucks that I have to be this scapegoat "first love" two times in a row...
Unrequitedlove Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Coping with these kinds of break-ups are extremely difficult because our first reaction is to ask questions that they cannot give us the answer to, for fear of hurting us even more, or simply because they don't have the answers. I want so badly for him to tell me the truth. Was it another girl, did he lose attraction to me, but I guess I'll never know. My ex-boyfriend wasn't even sure he loved me at all anymore, despite our relationship being fulfilling to me for the time we spent together. Thinking back, I do feel like he left for reasons other than the reason he gave me. Why? Because actions speak louder than words. Do not be surprised if your ex-girlfriend engages in behavior that would make her look like a lying piece of crap, because that's exactly what's happening to me. Continuing to push yourself into your ex's life will do absolutely nothing but leave you to be strung along. She'll have you exactly where she wants you; on the back burner.
Author PositiveNegative Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I'm sorry UL, sounds tough. It really is so tough to look back at the good times and think why can't we just go back to that? At times I do wonder if there are other reasons, I do know she knows another guy likes her but there were plenty of times in our relationship that guys liked her and she shrugged them off. It maybe an additional reason but I doubt it was THE reason. If she loved me HALF as much as she told me during our relationship then I doubt she left me for another. I'm trying my best to be strong... but even I can't promise that to myself. I'm human...
Unrequitedlove Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 This is why we're suffering! I was in a great relationship. We shared lots of memories and he even claimed that he's the great man he is now because of me. He always told me he loved me and that I was the one for him. Something went wrong within themselves. My ex-boyfriend always got attention from other women and swore that he would never leave me or consider starting a new relationship with someone else. You just never know, though. The grass always seems to be greener to these people.
Author PositiveNegative Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Yup same here. Great relationship, talked freely about the future, how much we loved each other, similar interests, definitely enough compatibility to take on the whole nine yards. She told me that I am the greatest person she had ever met and she could never imagine someone better than me. Now, I said the same things, but 100% meant them and knew that I would never think differently unless her personality saw a major shift. She is a very attractive woman also, so her next date could be anytime she wanted. I never ever thought this would happen to me... Welp. We're in this together. We deserve better.
Jonnyy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Yup same here. Great relationship, talked freely about the future, how much we loved each other, similar interests, definitely enough compatibility to take on the whole nine yards. She told me that I am the greatest person she had ever met and she could never imagine someone better than me. Now, I said the same things, but 100% meant them and knew that I would never think differently unless her personality saw a major shift. She is a very attractive woman also, so her next date could be anytime she wanted. I never ever thought this would happen to me... Welp. We're in this together. We deserve better. Amen man. I am also in a situation extremely similar. Its so rough, and we DO deserve better. I think that the best thing for us is to realize that there is always someone out there who is better for us.
Author PositiveNegative Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Well, that's the best we can do. Though I must admit that I will probably want her for a very long time. In fact, I am absolutely terrified of not getting over her. I think of all the steps I need to get through in order to fully heal, it's just so harrowing and difficult. I'm dreading that day where I see her with a new man. I just don't understand why we have to suffer like this...
Author PositiveNegative Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 My ex-boyfriend wasn't even sure he loved me at all anymore, despite our relationship being fulfilling to me for the time we spent together. Thinking back, I do feel like he left for reasons other than the reason he gave me. Why? Because actions speak louder than words. Do not be surprised if your ex-girlfriend engages in behavior that would make her look like a lying piece of crap, because that's exactly what's happening to me. Continuing to push yourself into your ex's life will do absolutely nothing but leave you to be strung along. She'll have you exactly where she wants you; on the back burner. I would just like to say that Unrequitedlove. You were EXACTLY right, Jesus. I mean EXACTLY. She has told me that she is now dating a new person. 3 weeks after the break up. Actions speaking louder than words. You warned me. I was still surprised. And yeah. She looks like a lying piece of crap right now. Steaming. I didn't want to feel hostile towards her, but I'm starting to believe it is something you cannot fight as a dumpee.
Unrequitedlove Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I would just like to say that Unrequitedlove. You were EXACTLY right, Jesus. I mean EXACTLY. She has told me that she is now dating a new person. 3 weeks after the break up. Actions speaking louder than words. You warned me. I was still surprised. And yeah. She looks like a lying piece of crap right now. Steaming. I didn't want to feel hostile towards her, but I'm starting to believe it is something you cannot fight as a dumpee. Whoa! Im so sorry! My ex-boyfriend is playing the field and seems to be okay. He's seeing someone as well, and we've been broken up for over a month. I learned just recently that the excuse we were given was exactly that: an excuse to spare our feelings. It's pretty cowardly if you ask me. We'll never really know. It's such a hard pill to swallow, but in time, I'm sure we will be okay. I understand why you'd be upset. Hell, you believed in her. You had hope!
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