confusedinkansas Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 First - I don't think it's EVER the OW's place to tell her AP's significant other. EVER....No one wins..... Second - If your husband doesn't care if you're having/have an affair why not just find someone else to latch onto? What difference is it if it's this guy or someone else? Seems to me you got a pretty good deal here. Husband as a friend (I'm guessing a financial supporter as well) & A Second "Fun" Life Too. (no sarcasm intended)
nofool4u Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 My first post here. Not sure where to start. I have been w/ my H for 21 yrs. Kids are grown. I have not been happy w/ H for a long time. That is a whole other story. I was involved emotionally for the prev 5 yrs w/ a SM. We worked for the same agency, but we are 150 miles apart. Things got physical last March. Found out that he lives with GF, but not married. By this time, we already had the chemistty, fireworks, etc. I thought I could handle it. He was the one that got too attached. I told H about him b/c I just had a feeling he would come forward, but he never did. Then I lost my job and my daughter moved to college in the city he lives in. Not sure if it freaked him out that things were changing, or what but he started acting differently and I became the "needy" one. Ewwwe I hate that! Now he is totally blowing me off when I need him the most. My H knows, but really doesn't care. He actually offered to help me put dog crap on his car door handles, lol. Anyway, his GF has no clue. I have notes, hotel receipts, lots of emails, and other things of his that I want to present to her so bad! I know it doesn't make things right, but why should he get to walk around without consequences, and just punk out on me? Seems so unfair. I am not an evil or vindictive person, but he is bringing out the worst in me. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. So let me see if I get this straight. Your OM is blowing you off, husband offers to help you get revenge because you still want the OM, but are now scorned. And you think this is unfair? You said "why should he get to walk around without consequences, and just punk out on me?" You don't have any consequences, you said yourself your H doesn't care. Hell, the cuckolded husband is actually wanting to help you get back at a guy that you were still clingy with. thats the exact opposite of consequences. So if you want to tell the GF, then tell her. Because ultimately she deserves to know the truth. But not because you feel he needs consequences, because you yourself have not suffered any. and just how much of a fool is your husband? I'd venture to guess the reason your husband doesn't care is because he has either had an affair himself, is in one now, or would like to have one himself. And your affair gives him a green light.
nofool4u Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I was never "looking" in the first place. It just happened... Definitely do not want a replacement. Just wondering if I find the GF and tell her will I feel better? I know he is definitely history, so why should he get off scott free? why not? its obvious you got off scott free
nofool4u Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 There is no chance of me regaining OM's affection at this point. It is definitely over. There is nothing for me to gain other than peace of mind, closure, and satisfaction that she may kick him to the curb or keep better tabs on him. lol, I know I am gonna get it for that one so here (_)(_) just kick me now. I know your H doesn't care, and I have my suspicions as to why, but if you think he deserves to be kicked to the curb by his GF, and rightfully so, then you also deserved to get kicked to the curb as well, no?
Author Sexy T Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I came here for advice and some insight, not a psycho analysis of myself or to get slammed. Yeah, I already know I am an aweful person. I do wish my H cared more about me than he obviously does or give me a divorce... not gonna happen. Thank you FrozenSprouts for your kind words of wisdom. For just about everyone else, I know where not to come for advice ever again unless I want to crawl in the tub and slit my wrists afterward. "F" word! I will not be back to this site. "His message was brutal but the delivery was kind. Maybe if I get this down I'll get it off my mind." You Sent Me Flying by Amy Winehouse ~ RIP ~ Happy 28th Birthday ~ Sunrise September 14th, 1983 ~ Sunset July 23rd, 2011
nofool4u Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I came here for advice and some insight, not a psycho analysis of myself or to get slammed. well what did you expect? you are in a forum full of people hurting from situations just like the one you posted, and yet although you got off scott free, your energies are misdirected towards this other man. he should be insignificant to you. your energies should be focused on your husband. Yeah, I already know I am an aweful person. I doubt you think this since you are painting yourself as the victim here. You cheated on your husband and willingly involved yourself with another man. Things didn't go your way, now you are scorned and out for revenge. Again I say do it, not because you feel you are the victim here, or that you think he is getting off scott free(because afterall you did), but because the girlfriend deserves to know the truth. I do wish my H cared more about me than he obviously does or give me a divorce... not gonna happen. how about instead of being a cheater, you divorced him? For just about everyone else, I know where not to come for advice ever again unless I want to crawl in the tub and slit my wrists afterward. "F" word! I will not be back to this site. advice? the only advice you are willing to hear is that which feeds your desire for revenge because you didn't get what you wanted. you cheat, think you are justified, and when the guy you cheated with decides he doesn't want you anymore, you want revenge. What did you expect? for your affair to go on forever??
Recommended Posts