probablydwelling Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 There are some things I need to get back from my ex. At one point we were talking about being friends and my helplessness allowed her to keep the things. Now I want to get them back so I can tie these loose ends, and finally break free. I really don't want this to be a bad experience, I wanna go there, get my stuff, maybe talk a bit and leave. I want my our last impressions to be good of each other, and let her know that I still care. Our last run into each other wasn't so hot. Any thoughts/ideas?
EgoJoe Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 If you're going to debate people saying forget about the stuff then just make an attempt to get it back. Be straight up, don't play games about it and then go back to NC.
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Agree with Egojoe. Text or FB saying you'd like to get your things back and would she mind if you called. Keep it brief and don't show any emotion whatsoever! Then go nc again
rubberball Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Just ask for it back. I am on the opposite side, i have my ex stuff and there is nothing i would like more then for her to come get it. Don't linger, or try to talk about the issues, go in, get your stuff and be gone.
appletini Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I was in this situation recently, granted, it was a little different because we hadn't completely confirmed we were breaking up... but it had been very much implied and we both knew it had to happen. I didn't want to wait days or weeks to "heal" enough to go over and exchange or stuff, so the very next day I texted him and said I thought we owed it to ourselves to have that final conversation and to swap our things. I'm so glad I did. If I hadn't, we would have ended the relationship in a drunk, bitter rage. Instead, we ended it with caring and kindness. You say you want your last impressions of her to be good... I wanted that, too, so that's why we did this. Plus, I was able to give him back all the crap that I couldn't handle throwing out but couldn't handle hanging onto either. He can do what he wants with it, but at least I didn't have to go through that.
Author probablydwelling Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 So I texted her asking her to do this. She avoided making it happen, and tried making it happen on her terms. I got school/work too, y'know. I ended up just agreeing on her terms, which honestly, whatever..... She seemed to emphasize that she "was busy" like I cared. I really wanted to end this on good terms, and leave the door unlocked, but at this point, I've realized she's changed. I don't want to be friends with her. It's so crazy LS, Best friends become strangers, that's how it is.
appletini Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Hm.. yeah, in light of that... maybe it's not something worth pursuing for now. If you really need the stuff, have her ship it and send her a check for the costs. Some people after a breakup get overly cruel and cold and controlling because it'll make the other person angry enough to lash back - and that will remind of them of why it ended to begin with (and thus make them feel better about what happened). She's not doing this because her personality has drastically changed, she's doing this to cope. Unfortunately, she's coping in a really immature way.
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 OP, do you have any mutual friends? I'll use an example, although my exW and I didn't have this issue when 'remembered items' came up during/after our divorce..... my best friend is also a good friend of my exW and has visited her and her new BF a few times since our D. If she 'didn't want to see me', then I'd merely ask him to contact her on my behalf and stop by to get whatever personal property we agreed was mine. As he is a neutral party, she's not 'giving' him any 'power' for letting him have stuff of mine. They are friends. If you want your stuff back, be persistent and creative. It's only fair that you receive items which are rightfully yours. Has she agreed that the items are yours but waffles on the 'getting together' part?
Author probablydwelling Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) OP, do you have any mutual friends? I'll use an example, although my exW and I didn't have this issue when 'remembered items' came up during/after our divorce..... my best friend is also a good friend of my exW and has visited her and her new BF a few times since our D. If she 'didn't want to see me', then I'd merely ask him to contact her on my behalf and stop by to get whatever personal property we agreed was mine. As he is a neutral party, she's not 'giving' him any 'power' for letting him have stuff of mine. They are friends. If you want your stuff back, be persistent and creative. It's only fair that you receive items which are rightfully yours. Has she agreed that the items are yours but waffles on the 'getting together' part? She knows the stuff is mine, when she forced me to move out, she helped pack and was really selective, and kinda kept some **** I want back now. She's kinda just avoiding the whole situation, and possibly just avoiding me. I think she really believes I'm using this as an excuse to see her. She might feel it's outta spite, which is not, which is why I want it to go smooth, I don't need any more drama in my life. Edited September 14, 2011 by probablydwelling
carhill Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 OK, what I'm hearing is that there is not complete agreement on what is yours. What are we talking about here? A gross example might be comparing my favorite DVD (my exW kept a few) to my mom's wedding ring set (over my dead body). Put the 'stuff' in context. Another example. My exW had 'forgotten' the pink slip (owner title) to her car when she moved and it was still in my office safe. She went to sell the car and had no title so she called me. Could I have been a dick and feigned ignorance/indifference/uncooperative behavior? Sure. Instead, I took ten minutes, retrieved it and asked her how she wanted to receive it. She had even called my best friend when I didn't immediately answer her call inquiring whether I 'wasn't speaking to her anymore'. Women. Personally, I'll be the broken record here and say, unless this stuff is family heirlooms, let it go. It's not worth it. Sanity is worth far more. Good riddance.
rubberball Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I am attempting to return my ex belongs. She has set up times to come get the stuff (beds, desks etc.) and then become too busy to do it. She offered to have her friends come over and get it, but then she had to cancel that too since, apparently, no one would do that for her. She did however offer today that I could load it all up in my trailer, bring it to her, and unload. I want her to have the stuff, but at this point I am not going to inconvenience myself to make her life easier, not anymore. This has been going on for over a month.
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