Are racial preferences ever arbitrary?

[Thornton]

I admit that I don't really want to deal with the stares, comments, and other issues which would surround a mixed race relationship. My grandparents are quite elderly and I know they wouldn't accept my partner if he was non-white, and it would cause friction in my family.

 

I'm also not attracted to the typical facial features of some races - noses, eyes, lips, etc. There are some features (e.g. hair and eye colours, nose shapes) that turn me off a guy even if he has the same colour skin as me, so my preferences aren't totally race oriented.

 

In the past I have found myself attracted to men of different races, but they had Caucasian type features and were relatively light skinned for someone of their race. I was once insanely attracted to a black man who had coffee coloured skin, grey-blue eyes and a fantastic personality. So maybe it's fairer to say that I prefer Caucasian type features but not specifically white skin. Is that still racist?

[sm1tten]

Woahhh big girl. I never attacked anyone. That's not my style.

 

I wasn't talking to you.

 

May I ask what qualities constitute your level?

 

Please refer to my follow up post.

 

My comments weren't meant to offend you in any way smitten.

Yes, they were. And they did.

 

I'm merely giving my opinion.

I was hoping that you would shed some of your enlightened opinion on what I brought up in my follow up post, but I won't be re-visiting this thread to find out.

 

More than actually being called something that I and the people who know and care about me know that I am not, I am more bothered that I let the opinion of an anonymous stranger on the internets bother me. I really need to adjust my investment level in these fora.

[proactivedreamer]

Interesting thread discussion...I think racial preferences are arbitrary because the concept of race,itself, is arbitrary. I use to have preferences when I was younger(teen years), but I have grown out of that. I am an open person all in all, so I don't turn down men based on racial back ground. I think if we really got down to the basics of existence and how everything works, maybe we would see how silly our human constructs really are. I think we only get this one life, so I strive to confront those things that are not conducive to my life(i.e.racial biases).

[muse08]

...I like how you both attacked me and took my statement to an absolutist stance for no real reason and I was really surprised that it came from you.

 

Did you forget what you typed...lol.

 

MR NATE, she WAS talking to me AND you. Not sure how she "forgot".

[KR10N]

I'm a white gal & I just so happen to find white guys more attractive. Doesn't make me racist, as I've met plenty of black or Asian men I thought were attractive. But that certainly doesn't mean I wouldn't be willing to date outside of my race.

 

I see no problem w/ it. I don't understand what makes some people think that if you step outside your color your doing something wrong. If people truly have that mentality, then why don't people just date/marry others w/in their own country. Yet, we have Americans w/ British, British w/ Russian, Russian w/ German, German w/ Asian, Asian w/ Hispanic, etc., etc.

[Stung]

Did you forget what you typed...lol.

 

MR NATE, she WAS talking to me AND you. Not sure how she "forgot".

 

 

The use of the word "both" doesn't necessarily denote a referral to two people. I took it to mean two things, as in she felt that you (singular) not only did one thing, but you also did the other thing. Both one thing, and the other. It's a perfectly valid grammatical interpretation of her meaning, and since she already clarified that she was not speaking to Mr. Nate, I would take her at her word that the word "both" was not meant the way you are interpreting it and she didn't have to "forget" anything.

[oaks]

I've seen these attitudes reflected in some of the posters here at LS, and many, when questioned on them, will simply offer that the void of attraction is "just there" or something over which they have no control ("I can't help who I'm attracted to"). My question to you all: is that true?

 

Is one's racial preference an arbitrary turn of circumstance, or is it a deeply held (but perhaps unacknowledged) prejudice that manifests in a way that does not yield attraction?

 

Continuing the hypothetical line of the original post: does it matter? The end result is the same: Jane isn't attracted to people of certain races.

[luvflower]

Interesting topic. I never seriously dated outside my race until I was in my 30s simply because I was a bit ignorant of other ethnicities than my own and I was pretty shy about getting to know guys beyond just a friendly level. I went out on a date in high school with a guy of a different ethnic background. Since then I can say that I'm so glad I've expanded my dating pool.

 

Race is a almost abstract these days. So, when I hear people say "I don't date a particular race", I get a bit confused. Interracial marriages are increasing by leaps and bounds. How can you say you don't date a specific 'race' if you don't know what a person's character is all about. If you don't know what the character is all about and you find that person attractive, but you still remain adamant about not dating that particular race, then that definitely sounds like racism.

 

I think some people are afraid to admit being racist. You can choose to be racist of that's who you are. It's not a positive thing unless of course you're racist. However, for those of us who have a conscience, it's wise to not dismiss people based on their hue, but rather for the content of their character.

 

If one is not so hung up on "race" why point out a specific race that you are exclusively attracted to or are not attracted to? Really...

[mtber75]

Yes it matters subconsciously...We're raised to hang out with people that are similar to us not just interest wise. So its just human nature to stick with our own tribe!

 

But depends on who you grow up with...I grew up and hung around with mostly Non Asian friends so I have NO problems dating non Asians. It pisses me off that a lot of single attractive Asian chicks PREFER (not just like) white guys...

[DorothyGail]

I'm not attracted to Black or Mexican men, that doesn't make me a racist

[MoreRedemption]

I have to admit that I really like people's honesty in this thread, especially when some people are saying that they don't want to deal with the complications of being in a mixed relationship. The divorce rate of interracial marriages is 75%.

 

In my case it is definitely attitude over race which is more prevalent. A loud, aggressive and brash person is a complete turn off.

[Eddie Edirol]

So maybe it's fairer to say that I prefer Caucasian type features but not specifically white skin. Is that still racist?

 

Hell nah, I know there are studies that show we are subconciously drawn to certain facial features, which is why you have no problem dating different races. Same with me. i know for sure i dont generally like asian women features, but i know that its perfectly possible for me to like an asian women with facial structure that connects with me. It could be caucasion features that I look for, but Im not attracted to just any white womens faces, or black womens faces for that matter. So its definitely a facial structure thing.

[DorothyGail]

My bf is of another race. He has only dated white women. I'm white. Its a preference not prejudice.

[nofool4u]

Is one's racial preference an arbitrary turn of circumstance, or is it a deeply held (but perhaps unacknowledged) prejudice that manifests in a way that does not yield attraction?

 

 

No, I can see how one would not be attracted to a certain race. Nothing against the race, its just lack of attraction that has nothing to do with prejudices. Just like, without specifying, I can't see how someone would be attracted to one particular race. Its just a facial features kind of thing. Nice as hell people, just no attraction. thats all.

[FitChick]

does it matter? The end result is the same: Jane isn't attracted to people of certain races.

 

Exactly. Move on! Not everyone will like you so don't be so desperate to seek their approval. Waste of time.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The fact that you would single out a race like you just did, wreaks racism and immaturity...and perhaps you've been living under a rock.

 

 

Just like the fact that you would write such a thing assures that you don't even know what "racism" means (despite it having been defined in this thread).

[USMCHokie]

Like said previously in this thread, it's usually the general characteristics exhibited and attributed to a certain race that people may not be attracted to, not necessarily because of the race itself.

 

On the other hand, life is one big d*ck measuring contest, for both men and women, and some races are just not as good as others to be seen with.

[Lyve1234]

I understand that there are many reasons why it is easier to date within your own race, but I think that it is racist to say that you do not find anyone of a particular race attractive.

 

I also think it would be difficult to compartmentalize such a thought to only romantic relationships.

 

Let's not forget that a lot goes with being attractive in our society. It's been shown that attractive people get better jobs, are promoted more quickly, and enjoy more social benefits.

 

So what do you think when someone from the "unattractive race" is sitting across from you for a job interview? We would all like to think it is only based on qualifications, but research shows that attractiveness plays a part.

 

Is it possible that an entire race of people is unattractive? That seems unlikely and to suggest such would seem to be the epitome of racism.

[GoodHeart1981]

I understand that there are many reasons why it is easier to date within your own race, but I think that it is racist to say that you do not find anyone of a particular race attractive.

 

I also think it would be difficult to compartmentalize such a thought to only romantic relationships.

 

Let's not forget that a lot goes with being attractive in our society. It's been shown that attractive people get better jobs, are promoted more quickly, and enjoy more social benefits.

 

So what do you think when someone from the "unattractive race" is sitting across from you for a job interview? We would all like to think it is only based on qualifications, but research shows that attractiveness plays a part.

 

Is it possible that an entire race of people is unattractive? That seems unlikely and to suggest such would seem to be the epitome of racism.

That isn't racism to say that you're not attracted to someone of a particular race. Are you a lesbian if you say another woman is beautiful? Are you a misogynist because you're not a lesbian? One has nothing to do with the other. Closed minded seems a better term for what you're describing as far as romantic relationships and race and there is nothing wrong with that. Love should be the one safe place for you to do and act according to what you and only you desire. Workplace discrimination is a completely different can of worms.

[joystickd]

I'm black and I prefer to date outside my race. It stems from when I was younger I got harsh treatment from black women when i was in middle, high school and college ( I went to an HBCU). For a long time I thought I was ugly and had no confidence. I then met someone I posted about that situation on here a while ago. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256626/. Well she was white and married I met her during a very bad point. I just graduated college working at Wal Mart and back in the small town I hated. I just struggled to find a job in my field with no luck. I have since been back to school and became a nurse. Now confidence is through the roof. It helped because I am always told I look good from women outside of my race. I have never heard from a black woman hey you are sexy or you look good. I had a myspace page and added womewn from other countries and they said I looked good. I live in a small town so i have got some crazy looks from older people but most of the stuff is from black women like comments about my dating preferences. I have had black CNAs refuse to do things for me at my old job because I dated outside my race. It wasnt my fault at that job I was having fling with one nurse, another was pursuing me (both white), and a CNA was trying to talk to me (latina). My reason was always I felt more respected dealing with women of other races, but that is just limited to area I live in.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Exactly. Move on! Not everyone will like you so don't be so desperate to seek their approval. Waste of time.

 

This :B

 

[nofool4u]

I'm black and I prefer to date outside my race. It stems from when I was younger I got harsh treatment from black women when i was in middle, high school and college ( I went to an HBCU). For a long time I thought I was ugly and had no confidence. I then met someone I posted about that situation on here a while ago. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256626/. Well she was white and married

 

well maybe this is why you perceive black women as treating you harshly. the character of someone that would enter an affair with someone married probably had a role to play in how they treated you. could it have been you were treated harshly by these black women because you in some ways were a dog and they knew it?

 

not saying you were, but maybe you were a little and didn't realize it or want to admit it. because from what I observe, black women tend not to put up with as much disrespect as white women do, or they both don't put up with it, but black women deal with it in different ways. its kind of a "oh hell no you didn't" thing.

[joystickd]

well maybe this is why you perceive black women as treating you harshly. the character of someone that would enter an affair with someone married probably had a role to play in how they treated you. could it have been you were treated harshly by these black women because you in some ways were a dog and they knew it?

 

not saying you were, but maybe you were a little and didn't realize it or want to admit it. because from what I observe, black women tend not to put up with as much disrespect as white women do, or they both don't put up with it, but black women deal with it in different ways. its kind of a "oh hell no you didn't" thing.

 

 

Honestly it wasnt because of that. The only reason I even was with the married woman was because it was like someone finally is showing some interest in me. It was a shame it was at 25. That woman was my first of a lot of things kiss, sexual experience, etc. If a single woman had shown interest at that time I would have been with one, but at that time I was convinced that was all that wanted me. Now I know that is just the opposite. I'm not a dog I just worked with what was available to me.

[NeoGen85]

Hrmmm.

 

This thread is something else and I find it quite funny. It definitely shows we're not in a post racial society. It's good the topic can be discussed on the internet(instead of in public during casual conversation which is a shame).

 

For me, as a black man I know that there are women in and outside of my race who do not find me attractive. That's okay, whether it be skin color, cultural traits, or "facial features".

 

I won't call anyone a racist, or even prejudice. Just less open-minded. That's going to limit your dating pool. Hey, you might have limitations and still have no problems finding dates or that significant other. The reality is people still think like that today. In fact, the first white woman I dated had no clue that she would ever be attracted to a man like myself. And even while she was dating I could understand why(and I won't go into detail).

 

My parents came from a time where they couldn't do things simply because of the way they looked. And I'm glad at a young age they surrounded me with different people; and I really have to thank my father because his career had us traveling all over the world. I also have to thank my extended family for not caring because my parents values come from them.

 

When I'm dating I find myself being more open minded about women than a lot of people I hang out with. A friend of mine refused to date a woman simply because he thought she weighed more than him. She was a curvy woman who stood at 5' 8" and she was not big at all. The group of guys in our social circle thought he was crazy. But we noticed he likes women he can physically man-handle(in bed or whatever). It turns out he weighs much more then said girl.

 

Again people have their preferences. But please don't complain about not finding that "special person" when you limit yourself. I know so many people these days who have so much more fun with a person they only consider a friend than the one they're chasing or dating. That person is shorter, too tall, skinny, has some extra weight to them, hair and eye color, etc. I guess you can't help who you're attracted to. Hell, I'll admit that I love a woman's rear end, thighs, and legs when it comes to this craze sexual attraction of mine. But beautiful eyes will literally transform me into a shy child if she stares at me correctly(I can't stop blushing).

[franken]

I think it could be either. It could be that nebulous thing called "attraction", or it could in some cases be a manifestation of racial prejudice.

 

In my dating days, I was attracted much more to whites and latinas than asians or african-americans (with a few notable exceptions). But I personally have nothing against asians or african-americans. Similarly, I always favored brunettes over blondes, and shorter girls over taller girls (again, with a few exceptions). Funny thing, attraction.

 

After watching again, after several years later Spike Lee's "Jungle Fever" i've been thinking about chanches of Paulie Carbone and Orin Goode and i'll make my guess. They had in that film propably best chanches to make interracial relationship - because they both actually were not really in "jungle fever" but they were perhaps only persons not doped by race issue. Paulie and Orin were intellectually and mentally really on same level. Both they were planning to study, perhaps to go university. Paulie's father had some point when he mentioned about Angie than marriage with her would be a hell (though he was totally against IR).

 

Social status is indeed bigger issue than race, or should be. Tell me one good reason why higher educated person should marry someone with very poor education. What do they have in common? One talking about John Stuart Mill and the other about BB?

Edited October 14, 2011 by franken