DazyDaisy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) I broke up with my boyfriend. Obviously he seemed very hurt and whatnot but he said he accepted it. Why wouldn't he try to keep us together at all? Have you ever done that and why? Edited September 13, 2011 by DazyDaisy
Besmy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Ah Gosh DazyDaisy! You first dump him and then expect HIM to fight for your relationship or beg you not to go???? There are so many dumpees on this forum and I am one of them. I can tell you this is a very wrong expectation, actually, sadly enough you remind me of my ex the sloth who told me he wished that I would beg him to take me back in case he dumped me, which he did two days afterwards. You are adding a totally new perspective to his insanity, maybe he now feels let down because I didn't try to keep us together????? PLEASE!!! If you want him back you shall try to mend the destruction YOU have caused.
flitzanu Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I broke up with my boyfriend. Obviously he seemed very hurt and whatnot but he said he accepted it. Why wouldn't he try to keep us together at all? Have you ever done that and why? wtf? you dumped HIM, are you just a drama queesn wanting a reaction?
Author DazyDaisy Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I know it's a wrong expectation but that's not what I'm asking. What I'm asking is, why wouldn't he? I want to have an idea of what's going through his mind before I even try to get back together with him. Is that so wrong?
Besmy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 He won't because he's hurt, angry, disappointed and probably thinks that it's your loss, not his.
Author DazyDaisy Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 wtf? you dumped HIM, are you just a drama queesn wanting a reaction? I had just started birth control pills and they made me depressed. So I kind of wanted to be alone on my own. Then I found out depression (through my doctor) was a side effect of the pills. They had to change them and put me on SSRIs because they altered my mood so bad. No, I wouldn't do that to get a reaction.
A7X Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I wish I would of reacted the way he did no matter how heartbroken I was.. Getting broken up with, he's doing it right!
fetish1980 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I agree with everyone on here. OP, You're either a drama queen or a straight attention seeker. My ex would always threaten to leave me when things got bad and i told her not to threaten me. Our last major argument caused our breakup. She began moving out and then said she was disappointed that i didn't try to fight to make her stay? I think someone has to have a few screws loose in their head to expect anything like that. Threatening and leaving someone is an attempt at trying to get to control or "bully" that person. It's definitely a gamble on your relationship. fetish
fauxleather Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 If you cared, you would now try to fix it. You created the mess, it's just basic courtesy that you make the first step to fix it. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want you back though.
geegirl Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I know it's a wrong expectation but that's not what I'm asking. What I'm asking is, why wouldn't he? I want to have an idea of what's going through his mind before I even try to get back together with him. Is that so wrong? I'm a little lost. You didn't see it within you to fight so why would you question his need to fight. Did you not want to break up but just to get a reaction because of an issue you two are going through? You broke up with him and now you want to try to get back together? I have strong feeling you used a "break up" to manipulate into getting what you want and now that it has backfired, you want to try and get him back. You need to grow up.
Woggle Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 What else is their to do? Do you want him to sit around crying? DO you want him to threaten suicide? Why does it bother you so much that he is moving on?
The_Good_Me Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Getting dumped affects people in different ways and different people have different ways of reacting. It could be one or multiple reasons why he chose not to fight to save the relationship. He may have thought that fighting was useless. Dumping him showed him that you no longer want to be with him. He probably quickly identified that.He may be too proud to fight for something that you took away. Reconciliation should be initiated and fought for initially by the dumper and he may just be thinking "I can't do anything so the next step is going to have to come from my ex".Maybe he instantly hated you for dumping him and no longer wants anything to do with you.Maybe he is respecting your right as a person to do whatever you think is right for you and him not fighting is simply his way of not trying to control you.Maybe he realised he didn't love you as much as he thought he did. There are more reasons (can't list them all I'm sure you'll appreciate) but the fact is that you will never know the real reason unless you speak to him.
radiodarcy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I know it's a wrong expectation but that's not what I'm asking. What I'm asking is, why wouldn't he? I want to have an idea of what's going through his mind before I even try to get back together with him. Is that so wrong? i usually tell people they're not wrong. but yes - - this is wrong. you took the responsibility of ending the relationship. which is your prerogative. but, by the same token, it's your responsibility to run the risk of rejection in resuming the relationship. your ex didn't have a say in your ending the relationship. so why should it be on him to pick up where you left off? he's doing what a dumpee should do: respecting the decision you made and moving on with his life.
Ajax Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Why wouldn't he try to keep us together at all? Have you ever done that and why? What would your reaction have been had he tried to convince you not to leave? Would he have benefited by breaking down?
Chi townD Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I know it's a wrong expectation but that's not what I'm asking. What I'm asking is, why wouldn't he? I want to have an idea of what's going through his mind before I even try to get back together with him. Is that so wrong? Because he was being a strong and respectful man! If you didn't want him anymore, why would he want to hang around where he isn't wanted? Would begging and sobbing make any difference? You made a choice to have him out of your life and he's respecting your decision.
Author DazyDaisy Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 No, it isn't bothering me that he's moving on "fast" because he isn't. Actually he's doing worse than I am. And no, it wasn't over attention (see my second post in this thread). And no, we weren't having an issue I wanted to win. It was just because of my depression, and instead of helping me fight through it and help me, he just bailed out on me. I'm not better but wow, I'm amazed at how much this dude didn't care.
M2155 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 He wasn't as emotionally affected as you thought or he just knew how to deal with a breakup. We all know that chasing, pleading, etc... does no good and is a reaction resulting from things like fear and desperation. The dumper made a choice and accepting it is an honorable response. It does not mean he didn't care (afterall you dumped him and you still care). All the "get your ex back" guides say dumpers "expect" this type of behavior so it's surprising when it doesn't happen and makes dumper think about it. So maybe in your situation, this theory proves true. The breakup was a valid choice you made, so if you want him back, you have to reach out to him. If he cared, it didn't disappear overnight.
Loved&Lost Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 As I read your post I could not help but laugh a bit. You know that all the "get your ex back" guides tell you to agree with the break up? Then taadaaah, the dumper will start to wonder, and question his/her decision to break up in the first place.
Buttercup84 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 What would your reaction have been had he tried to convince you not to leave? Would he have benefited by breaking down? What did you say when you dumped him ? Were you upset that he didnt pay enough attention in your relationship ? Did he treat you bad ?
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 You need to tell him you care in black and white terms! No playing games because you dumped him. He's probably trying to act nonchalant to save himself from getting hurt again! That's what I'm doing at the minute.
Chi townD Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 No, it isn't bothering me that he's moving on "fast" because he isn't. Actually he's doing worse than I am. And no, it wasn't over attention (see my second post in this thread). And no, we weren't having an issue I wanted to win. It was just because of my depression, and instead of helping me fight through it and help me, he just bailed out on me. I'm not better but wow, I'm amazed at how much this dude didn't care. Ummm...how what this dude supposed to know that you were depressed due to the medications you were taking? He's not a doctor is he? He may have thought that you were depressed because you were breaking up with him. I mean, you even wrote that he's handling the break up even worse than you are. So, it doesn't sound like at the moment of the break up he said, " OH! You're breaking up with me? WHEW!! Glad that's over! LATER!!" and danced a jig out the door. This affected him too. But, you seem angry that he didn't fight for the relationship...but you didn't give him anthing to fight for. You wanted him out of your life, and he respected your wishes. It sounds like you want him back, but did you ever think that by dumping him, you hurt him sooo bad; he may not want to come back?
moontiger Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) I broke up with my boyfriend. Obviously he seemed very hurt and whatnot but he said he accepted it. Why wouldn't he try to keep us together at all? Have you ever done that and why? Ever since the end of my first relationship, long ago, I have never fought or protested a breakup. Why? 1. You can't talk someone into loving you, or wanting to be with you. 2. When you want someone to be with you more than you want that person to be happy, it isn't love at all. So maybe he didn't try, because he loved you, and wanted you to be happy. Or for any number of other reasons. My ex was dysthymic and in the last few months had spiraled into depression. We were deeply committed, and I would have stayed with him until the end--and certainly I would not have abandoned him during his depression. But his depression was scary, exhausting and life-sucking to deal with. When he finally left, I was miserable but also felt a sense of relief and release. So it could have been any number of things; there's really no way of knowing what was in your ex'es mind. Edited September 14, 2011 by moontiger
Author DazyDaisy Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I doubt I'll reach out to him. To me accepting seemed like he actually wanted to break up with me too. So I'll just leave it at that.
Steven T Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I doubt I'll reach out to him. To me accepting seemed like he actually wanted to break up with me too. So I'll just leave it at that. Yeah I agree. My ex didnt fight for me and just accepted it, so they dont really care enough or they would have wanted to work at it so you are better off without them.
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