tobi Posted May 9, 2004 Posted May 9, 2004 recently i have been going through alot of stuff in my head and wanting to get rid of so many hang ups in my head and just totally holding back on so many things that i want to do. i want to get out there on the dance floor (with or without him) when we go out, i want to belt out the song on the radio in the car when he is present, i want to get up there and sing songs like he does, i want to have big belly laughs at what people say instead of holding back and being aloof or looking so expressionless, or boring, i want to smile and wave to everybody and say a big HELLO to people passing me by instead a barely audible squeak comes out that is so passive and weak. i want to be all lthese thing after so many years of being so pent up, i just want to let lose! the reason that i cannot do so is because i have been with him for so long now, and to do so would just be so out of character for me that i would literally feel so embarrassed to do anything other then what i have been doing for ever now which is nothing, sitting on my butt and watching everybody else having all the fun,, or sitting there wanting to leave because i can not tolerate the excitement without feeling such resentment towards myself because i can not bring it out in myself. so i sit and think i need to leave him so i can be myself because he would not underestand even though i know he would love these things about me and laugh with me and not at me, but yet i can not bring myself to do any of the above even if i am alone, i look around as if someone else might here me and i am embarassed feeling so i do nothing again. this is giving me real headahces, the need to get out and let lose and be someone other then this squelched person in side of me, but i do not know how to go about doing this, i feel so pathetic, lol.
average guy Posted May 9, 2004 Posted May 9, 2004 Are you sure your partnet doesn't want to jump up and dance, sing out loud and have a good time too? You should talk to him about this before doing anything as drastic as leaving him because he might be having the exact same feelings you are! Cheers A.G.
tobi Posted May 9, 2004 Posted May 9, 2004 OMG! that is such an awesome insight i never even thought of! of course he wants to, but i have always held him back! now i am ready and it is just so awkward to do so that i do not know how to go about doing it, just way to self-conscious to do anything about it but sit in frustration and anger towards myself for being such a chicken doo-doo.
Thinkalot Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 Little steps tobi, will take you there. And talk to him about it, bit by bit. Say, you'd really like to start letting lose a bit more, and doing this, or that...heck...even tell him you feel embarassed about it. If you love each other, you should hopefully feel safe to be honest. He'll probably appreciate you sharing your feelings with him, and look forward to celebrating on the dance floor with the new you!
pav186 Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 i agree with thinkalot, anyways to change ur behavior as drastically as you'd like will probably not happen overnight anyways. But i dont see why you'd have to leave him to be yourself.
tobi Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 i am realising it is not him holding me back only my self holding me back for fears of looking as a fool would then i feel stuck inside my self more so then in front of him well actually both of us i see that now.
tobi Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 how do you get over feeling like a fool so you can let it all hang out and have fun?
average guy Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 Feeling like a fool is part of life! I feel like a fool alot (I probably am a fool! Anyway, if you are genuinely having fun, even if you look like a fool doing it, people "forgive" or accept it becuase they can see you are having fun. As opposed to someone trying to act cool (and looking like a fool). So I guess my advice is if you act on your genuine impulses and follow your feelings, your behaviour might look foolish to some (probably because they are inhibted or jealous or mean-spirited), but to most, it will look like you are genuinely having fun and will want to laugh and smile and have fun with you Good luck ps. maybe you can start by doing some crazy things like dancing around in your underwaer and singing out loud at home (that seems to work in movies
tattoomytoe Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 a couple beers and i am doing kareoke and flirting with everyone! but i too have a hard time singing with my guy in the car, and such. i have started to sing very softly and i hope to eventually be belting ou the tunes. but try at home, with him down stairs or in another room, then just work at relaxing. and half the people you think are looking at you like you are crazy, well they either do not notice you or are thinking i wish i had the balls to do that.
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