Funf Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 My boyfriend makes these innocent remarks about how he likes athletic girls, both in the physical sense and also just as a common interest. In the past he's dated some hardcore athletes. I'm talking about girls who are so athletic that they get to the point where they're no longer menstruating. On the other hand, I'm athletic but more mediocre. Last week, we were swimming together and I felt so...slow. This wouldn't be that huge of a deal if he hadn't dated certain girls in the past. But I'm so sick and tired of being mediocre. I have this deep dark insecurity that my mediocrity makes me an unworthy person to be with in a relationship and that guys will want to look for someone else that excels more than myself. This has happened in the past with one of my exes so this just perpetuates my fear. After we went swimming together, I felt really bad and unworthy. I cried in the bathroom and although he didn't see me cry, I still looked unhappy afterwards. I told him that I was feeling bad but that it was my problem and not his. I said that I wish I could be faster and have more endurance when it comes to these things. He replied that people have different body structures and thus have different body mechanics. I told him that I agreed and understand that but I wish my body were different. So now he knows my weakness. My best friend told me that I'm being irrational with this and that if it was as big of a deal that I make it to be in my head, that he wouldn't be with me in the first place. She gave me the whole he's-with-you-not-them spiel. I agree with her to an extent but now I feel like I really weak person by exposing my stupid insecurity to him. I should have kept my mouth closed. Now I'm concerned that this makes me even more unattractive. It's this never-ending spiral. I don't know what to do. I feel like crap. Any advice?
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Being vulnerable in a relationship can be a very beautiful thing --- and being able to show and share your weakness is a strength. Those that care... that truly care about you, will appreciate it, reassure you and support you --- not shun you nor demean you for it. It sounds like you need to have a discussion with him and you need to (gently if you can) let him know how you are feeling. If he treats you harshly over it, I think you should reexamine what you're seeking in a relationship with him... I don't think it's healthy to bottle these feelings up and attempt to suppress them on your own, while leaving him in the dark (and likely to continue affecting you in negative ways). We all have insecurities... your boyfriend surely has his own too... Communicate... Edited September 13, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Communication is the best thing for a relationship. Everything always gets better when you talk about it. everyone is insecure about something. This is what my boyfriend tell me when he knows i'm upset about something. "LIKE someone for who they are, but LOVE them for their defects." no one is perfect and if they say they are, they are totally hiding something! So what if he dates more hardcore athletes... Hes dating you now. That's all that matter. Hes with you for a reason and hes attracted you! So don't sweat if you're not the same as those other girls. He's with you and if he breaks up with you that his lost not yours. I hope that helped! :]
rafallus Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 If you are commited, then revealing weaknesses isn't as bad as during initial dating. In fact, it can allow you to connect better. And if he turns your weaknesses against you, he's hardly a good bf anyway.
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