MaryKate Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Kind of a long story but ill try and slim it down. I am 19 go to a community college and my now former ex goes away to college only 45 minutes away so It isn't really a big deal. We dated for six months and everything went great. When summer came around my feelings slighty changed. Alot of things went on during my first year of college like my grades weren't so great because I went into party mode and I got so caught up in my boyfriend the first couple of months. Im not saying it was his fault of why I didn't do well in school. It's no ones fault but mine, than I found out my grandfather had cancer so me and my family went to go visit him in Florida for the last time. After he passed I became very depressed, not only because of that but I was pissed off at myself for doing so poorly and basically letting myself down. Im trying to transfer to a decent college for nursing but I feel like I already screwed things up for myself. My parents are on my case 24/7 ( i know they are supposed to do that because they want the best for me but it became overwhelming) After going through all this I started push my ex away, and I have no clue why. I would do anything for him and I love him but at the same time I missed being single at times. It came to the point where I needed to take a break, my feelings were all screwed up. He didnt take this well at all, he became really depressed for 2 weeks and begged me to take him back but I said I needed to think things over still. While this was going on I started hanging out with new people and hooked up with a few guys at my friends party. I regret every single second of it and it wasn't worth it at all nor did it make me feel any better. Me and my ex still hungout and on one night he wanted me to be straight forward with him and asked me why I broke up with him I couldnt give him an answer and still cant. He asked me if I hooked up with guys and I told him yes and he became extremely pissed and stopped talking to me for 2 weeks and told me not to contact him. I couldnt help it but I gave in after awhile. Now we are talking again and we both started the new school semester but he has become extremely bitter and doubtful and doesnt know if he can trust me. He wants to give me a second chance because he is deeply in love with me and I love him too and want things to work. I just dont know what to do to gain his trust back and make him see he is the only one I want. People make mistakes all the time but idk if mine can be undone. I have to live with what I did to him everyday all because of my careless stupid mistake. He told me he needs time to think and to be able to trust me. His point is that he says what if we date again and this happens again in another 6 months. I realized what I had with him I wont feel with another, he is an amazing person inside and out and is the best boyfriend I have ever had. I want to be with him more than anything but only he can make the decision. Does anyone have any ideas of how i could fix things!? Or have any other input?
Trolly Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I'm slightly reluctant to reply just because life moves so fast at your age. Not that i'm so old (or knowledgeable) at 30, but from the time i graduated every year that passed had so many lessons for me up until and including now. Anyway, I think that you should not be too hard on yourself. A person is never to young learn to be mindful and respectful or another persons feelings in really any situation, but 19 can be such a confusing age especially presumably being in your first year of college. Mistakes are expected. Past that i think it's as simple as you learning from your mistakes. If you have done that much and are maintaining honesty with this boy, then all he can do is either accept the situation or not. You were broken up with him when you "hooked up" with other guys so it wasn't cheating (painful as it may be for him). In other words he may need to grow a little emotionally to get past this. Easy said than done for his age. You may want to examine your feelings for why you broke up with him a little more. There may have been a good reason and he may not be as irreplaceable as you're currently giving him credit for.
wilsonx Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I am going to play both sides of the coin here. The term "break" is left up to the interpretation of the person receiving it. To me and a lot of my friends, its just a temporary separation to get one's mind straight. Now if you went out and partied and slept with someone during a break, its honestly up to the person who is on the receiving end of the break as their interpretation of the word "break" means. Even if it was a breakup, it still hurts if your recently dumper ex sleeps with another person during it. You can be 19-85, age doesnt matter, it still hurts. That's why NC after a break/breakup is ESSENTIAL not for the dumper but to protect the dumpee. As for you, you are 19, you feel bad, the best piece of advice I can offer is let this relationship end. It's going to hurt both of you and you have the rest of your life to get a relationship to "work" Don't stress out over this. You might have thought you made a mistake, you might have but learn from it. Those that learn from their mistakes become better people down the road in life if they do not repeat their mistakes
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Very common Grass is Greener AND self destructive behaviours from your end. Don't beat yourself up too much, it's almost impossible to control emotions. What you can do is take things slowly with your ex and massage is ego. Trust me, men love this! Don't expect too much too soon and don't be put off by him being unsure at times. It will take time to get him back but I believe from what you have written he still has strong feelings for you... so take it slowly and prove to him (by telling him and by doing nice things - NEVER talking about other men) that you are serious and are willing to make this work.
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