Continuing my pursuit of trying to understand women... knowing it will never happen

[Zaphod B]

But maybe I can still understand them a little more than I do!!

 

I'm not letting this bother me... I'm really not, but I'd love to hear some theories or opinions...

 

Last Sat night I went to my favourite bar here in my city. I'm at the bar beside this woman who is with a group of friends. The woman is very cute. I was going to start talking to her when the guy on the other side of her turns to look at me and says. "Hey, this here is Katy (name changed), she's single."

 

Anyway Katy turns to me and immediately we start talking. She's lovely. Very flirty and friendly, but she's from down south. (8 hour drive from where I live), but she comes to my town regularly because her family is here. We talk about how this town (which is the 3rd biggest city in New Zealand) is just way too small and you're always running into people you know. I ask her to dance, she is keen. Then on the dance floor we learn that we used to know each other when we were ten years old. We were in the same classes! WOW! We were both blown away. Cool coincedence, especially considering our topic of conversation earlier.

 

Anyway, at this point she's delighted and she's given me big long hugs and kisses me on the mouth a couple of times. We go back to the bar and she introduces me to her friends. She's really up in my personal space, her arm around me and I'm thinking, cool this is awesome so I've got my arm around her too.

 

Then this hand grabs her arm from behind me and next thing she's whisked away by her female friend. Before she goes she turns to me and says something like "That's the problem when you're in a bar with friends".

 

After that she doesn't come near me. Doesn't even look at me and I'm still there with my male friend who I came with, bewildered. I even go onto the dance floor a couple of times when she was there dancing with her friends, but she doesn't even seem to notice I'm there. Half the time she's dancing with one of her male friends who she introduced me to earlier.

 

So I'm back at the bar trying to figure out what went wrong. One moment she's all lovey dovey and next thing doesn't seem to know I exist. She wasn't drunk either. Seemed quite sober and I'm quite sure I never said anything wrong, nor did I make any inappropriate advances on her.

 

Anyway, my friend is really drunk and he wants to go home, so I say ok, I'm just gonna go say goodbye to Katy. So I do and I tell her I'm off and just wanted to say good bye. Then she goes hunting through her purse saying "I'll give you my business card." I never asked for her number. Anyway I get her number and then suggest i add her on Facebook. She says yes.

 

So I leave. I text her and say "it was great to see you after all these years. Maybe we can catch up next time you're in town". She replies back with "Cool. Thanks or the msg". I sent her a friend request on FB the next night. Last night she added me. No further messages though.

 

So I'm still scratching my head and wondering WTF? Is she into me? Was she just one of these overly affectionate types who kisses and hugs every guy she knows? Was she a game player? Maybe she just felt she had to focus on her friends, seeing as she was heading back home the next day. Maybe this other guy was jealous and she didn't want to piss him off.

 

Any theories? Just interested in what anyone thinks.

Edited September 13, 2011 by Zaphod B

[Badsingularity]

Her friends may have just thought they were protecting her from some stranger or maybe they were jealous or maybe they just wanted her to spend time with them or.....there is a phrase for it..walk talking, shalk balking, crock potting..oh well can't remember at the moment.

 

Anyway, I don't think she would have offered you her card and put her arm around you if she didn't at least have a slight interest in you.

[Imageiko]

I'm at the bar beside this woman who is with a group of friends. The woman is very cute. I was going to start talking to her when the guy on the other side of her turns to look at me and says. "Hey, this here is Katy (name changed), she's single."

 

Idk why but I hate it when ppl do this.

 

She's interested, I would have gone up to her later on when she was with her friends and tell her you need to tell her a secret or borrow her for a minute and get her number. Tell her she has to meet you for a drink or something later in the week and go from there. Then I'd just leave her to hang with her friends and then say good bye when leaving as you did.

 

I'd give it a few days then try and set up a date, she went out of her way to give you her number in spite of you doing your best not to get it

[carhill]

Any theories?

 

You were a tool. Men are to women like socket sets are to men. What the 'job' was I have no idea.

 

IMO, it's probably healthier to not understand. Trust me.

 

Do what *you* want to do. Care less about what electrons are flitting around in her mind. If she's there, then good. If not, then next.

[mrgoodcat]

They all like

 

1. Good looks

2. Money

3. SELF CONFIDENCE

4. Thinking they can change you

5. Powerful and authoritative men

6. Humor

7. Good male endowment.

[dasein]

This is why I have respect for PUAs, 90% of pulling women out of bars and clubs is having a near superhuman amount of preparedness and tenacity. Ending up with a woman at the end of the night is often a matter of logistical genius and "last man standing" after all their silly games and pretenses have been introduced into the equation. You did as well as possible given the terrain, and in fact, the friends may have prevented you from "giving away the store" too soon by whisking her away. IMO, when they are with a large group of friends and live far away, when they start putting arms around you it's time to get their number and then go off and try for the next number from the next girl. Pulling a girl from out of town out of a large group is very long odds.

 

Would not have FB friended, but NBD. Would skip ALL texts, and call her and find out when she is coming again and ask if you can take her out. Get that out there sooner rather than later and you will find out how truly single and interested she is before wasting time thinking about it.

[Emilia]

Ask her out and if she says no just drop her. She could turn out to be a huge waste of time and it doesn't matter why

[verhrzn]

It's possible her friends guilted her for spending all of her time with you, a stranger, instead of them, her friends, especially when she's visiting out of town. It's also possible she was just having a good time... She had a good time with you, and then she had a good time elsewhere. That doesn't mean she DIDN'T like you, just that she's independent.

 

If she hadn't liked you, she wouldn't have given you her card or added you on Facebook. She's at least somewhat interested-so send her a message and go from there.

 

No need to overthink this one, it's a pretty good open-and-shut case.

[Zaphod B]

Idk why but I hate it when ppl do this.

 

She's interested, I would have gone up to her later on when she was with her friends and tell her you need to tell her a secret or borrow her for a minute and get her number. Tell her she has to meet you for a drink or something later in the week and go from there. Then I'd just leave her to hang with her friends and then say good bye when leaving as you did.

 

I'd give it a few days then try and set up a date, she went out of her way to give you her number in spite of you doing your best not to get it

 

Well i was going by the advice I often get to not appear too keen and to act like I don't give a ****. Ha ha.

[Zaphod B]

My intention was just to not call her or message her about a date and wait to see if she messaged me.

 

You guys really think I should make the next move?

[motive2002]

You are processing a lot of this. Which means you a spun in some way.

I don't know what the hell it is, but like bloodhounds, women can smell even the slightest whiff of desperation. For all you know, you could have said something earlier that night that made her go cold.

 

The point is, you're over-analyzing. Desperation's cousin is analyzing. "Why did she do this or say that?"

But this is loveshack. Where people come to excessively analyze everything. I'm guilty of it myself.

 

So keep all your options open. Forget about this chick for a little while. Call her after some time has passed and ask her out. If she says anything other than YES, toss her number and move on.

[motive2002]

PS - I think bars should have a disclaimer at the door:

Something to the effect of "Whatever happens where alcohol is present and consumed is not to be taken seriously in any fashion"

 

In other words, if a hot babe is practically molesting you on the dance floor, it is in no way a indicator of her real interest in you. People go out, drink, have a good time and then expect to return to their "normal" life the next day.

She "seemed sober" but again, the disclaimer. You may think you've got some headway on this person, with all the touchy-feely, but the truth is you may have absolutely none at all.

In other words, keep your expectations in check with reality.

[verhrzn]

You are processing a lot of this. Which means you a spun in some way.

I don't know what the hell it is, but like bloodhounds, women can smell even the slightest whiff of desperation. For all you know, you could have said something earlier that night that made her go cold.

 

The point is, you're over-analyzing. Desperation's cousin is analyzing. "Why did she do this or say that?"

But this is loveshack. Where people come to excessively analyze everything. I'm guilty of it myself.

 

So keep all your options open. Forget about this chick for a little while. Call her after some time has passed and ask her out. If she says anything other than YES, toss her number and move on.

 

Why the heck would he wait?? That makes no sense... Even if I was super into a guy, when he takes "a while" go get back to me, I forget HIM. He can give it a few days, but then he should send a message just asking how her life is, how did she enjoy her visit, and any other specifics she mentioned about herself (favorite hobby, etc.) Giving it "a while" is guaranteed to make her say no, even if she was originally into him.

[Nexus One]

Seems a bit weird that she ignored you the rest of the night, perhaps she was playing hard to get. She gave you her business card, so she wants you to contact her.

 

Do it and ask her out if you want to start something with her.

[heartbaitdotcom]

This sounds very familiar.. and my initial impressions are:

 

(1) She WAS drunk. Random touching, hugging and kissing without any regards for feeling or emotions later... is closely tied to drunkenness. Maybe she just hides it really well so you couldn't tell.

 

(2) Her friends don't like you for her for some reason - and they talked her out of talking to you when they pulled her away

 

(3) One of her male friends likes her and was blocking

 

(4) She has a BF already... her reply to your text wasn't very inviting ;(

[Nexus One]

With "asking her out" I meant to say for you to take her out to dinner without her friends.

[Zaphod B]

Seems a bit weird that she ignored you the rest of the night, perhaps she was playing hard to get. She gave you her business card, so she wants you to contact her.

 

 

Yeah, it seemed weird to me too. Not even a glance in my direction. Quite bewildering.

[Zaphod B]

(4) her reply to your text wasn't very inviting ;(

 

That's what I thought too. She added me on FB but never sent a message. So who knows?

[Nexus One]

That's what I thought too. She added me on FB but never sent a message. So who knows?

 

She gave you her contact details and added you on FB. I think it's your turn to make a move. Contact her and take her out to dinner without her friends. (if you want to start something with her)

[Imageiko]

Well i was going by the advice I often get to not appear too keen and to act like I don't give a ****. Ha ha.

 

Yeah that's fair. I just think that when she has cock blocking friends it's not really her going cold it's more like she's not gonna diss her friends to come hang out with somebody that she just met. So I'd just go over get her number then let them hang out for the rest of the night and if she comes up to you later than that's cool if not no big deal either way.

 

Point is night ended she did something that is very rare which is giving you her number unprovoked so I'd be very surprised if she wasn't interested at the time. Still possible she flakes but I still think you should make an effort to get a date set up.

[Zaphod B]

She gave you her contact details and added you on FB. I think it's your turn to make a move. Contact her and take her out to dinner without her friends. (if you want to start something with her)

 

That would be fine if she lived in my town, but she doesn't. I have to know when she makes her next trip this way before I can ask her out again. So I first have to know when she's coming. But once I know, then sure I'll do that.

[Nexus One]

That would be fine if she lived in my town, but she doesn't. I have to know when she makes her next trip this way before I can ask her out again. So I first have to know when she's coming. But once I know, then sure I'll do that.

 

How far away does she live and work?

[Feelsgoodman]

Any theories?

Two words: attention whore.

[Zaphod B]

How far away does she live and work?

 

Around 8 hours. But she comes to my city regularly to visit family. Maybe not much of an opportunity for a relationship, but open to wherever it leads.

 

 

Two words: attention whore.

 

Could very well be.

[lovely81]

Ask her out! Don't analyze; friends and alcohol can all be confusing. If I was all over a guy, but never wanted to hear from him again, I would not accept his friend request. To me her actions have been overall positive. Also I don't message people unless they message me on FB. Also, if they don't ask a question, I will not respond too. In this situation too, I could perhaps see myself being kind of abashed about my behavior and not knowing what to say...also unsure if the guy is just looking for a fling...