omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 So before I go ahead and ask this silly question, let me give you a little backstory. My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago, hence why I'm visiting the "Love Shack." We were together for 2 years, which is pretty long considering I'm only 22. We were definitely in love. Surprisingly, breaking up with her wasn't the hardest thing I ever had to do. I won't go into detail because she may be lurking this site herself, but it was easy, too easy. I initiated the break up in the PM and I packed my bags and left in the AM. That simple. I still question when it'll actually hit me that we're no longer together. I do reflect a lot about the good times and bad times we shared, but I've yet to cry my ass off like I thought I would. It's going on month 3 and I'm still a stone-cold badass with no emotions. I figure this is just a defense mechanism to make coping easier on the heart. But I'm taking full advantage of my temporary invincibility by not pulling any punches when it comes to flirting with the ladies and telling people off. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I don't go out looking for ladies to flirt with. That's not my style. Especially right now, when all I wanna do is lay low for awhile. Which brings me to my question: When you're with someone, everyone wants you; when you're single, nobody wants you, isn't that how it goes? After the break up, I kinda-sorta already prepared myself for being forever alone, because I knew no one was gonna want me in my sad sack stage. But on the contrary! The exact opposite happened! The ladies love me now! And I can't understand why! Like last week, I went out with a friend to get pizza and gave 3 girls my number. They asked ME for MY number! That's unheard-of where I'm from! But they thought I was cool. Keep in mind, I barely said anything! I mean, I know that's what cool kids do, but I legit didn't show any interest in them. I still don't! Yet they send me flirty texts every night, in which I still give very minimal-not-interested responses. My only guess is, often when I go into a sulking state, my humor gets darker and my tolerance for people diminishes, along with my interest to socialize in general. In a nutshell, I'm an ass****. And girls like that apparently. But why? I hope it's just a phase that most girls go through, because when I'm done not giving a ****, I'd like to go back to being the nice guy I started out to be.
coolheadal Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Sounds like your still in love with the prior full-time girl friend. Your not over her yet. Dating others just make you sad.. Girls giving you their number doesn't mean much until you really go out with them on date. You might not even like them. Give it time and then start looking..
carhill Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 'Like' is defined by successful and healthy long-term relationships and friendships. Try treating your friends like an azzhole and see how long any of them hang around. What is happening is that your demeanor as a result of your natural personality modified by the circumstances of your breakup is *attractive* to a *subset* of women. I know it's easy to confuse this with 'like'. I remember when I was in the middle of my EA and generally treating women like shyte I had them coming out of the woodwork. The two key factors were, one, the *type* of woman who was coming out of the woodwork and the basis for their *attraction*. Both, examined in the cold light of day, were/are unhealthy. As to your question, whether they 'want' you, regardless of your relationship status, depends upon your attractiveness to them. If you are attractive, they want you; if not, not. At your age, perhaps the sulking guy with the dark sense of humor who doesn't tolerate much is attractive to a wide range of females. That same guy, at my age, will experience a completely different dynamic, all else being equal, simply because the women are at a different place in their lives. At 22, there's a lot of life ahead of you. You can afford this stage. You may pass up a few good relationship prospects because of it, but that's OK. Life is about learning. I hope you do someday meet a woman who does inspire the emotions which cause the heartbreak of loss upon her departure, whether by breakup or death. I think that's a really valuable part of living. Good luck
Badsingularity Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) It's because, for the moment at least, you don't care and your not worried about what the girls or anyone else thinks about you. This shows strength and confidence and that is something that can be very attractive to women. Edited September 13, 2011 by Badsingularity
Author omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Thanks, guys. Insightful stuff. I think carhill nailed it with the age group thing. And I am what some would call "attractive," but I don't go broadcasting it. I'm also not "intimidatingly attractive" as one girl put it, which makes me approachable and not a pompous ass. Well, not lately, but you get the idea. I'm not an asshat. I actually care about stuff and people, a lot. Just not right now.
Author omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) I'd loved to get a female perspective on all this. And right now it seems to be happy hour. So this is more or less of a bump. I really don't care what females have to say. Only kidding. Edited September 13, 2011 by omkara
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