caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 After writing a few messages, do people normally ask to move onto phone chatting? Or are they bored with writing already?
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I forgot to add that I was asked to call him. So is this normal?
FitChick Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Dating website email Personal email Phone Meet He asked you to call so you wouldn't have to give out your phone number.
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Dating website email Personal email Phone Meet He asked you to call so you wouldn't have to give out your phone number. So this is a relatively good thing?
Zaphod B Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) I normally go from Dating website email straight to meeting (at least after a decent amount of messaging). Works a charm for me. No need for personal emailing or phone calls in between. But I guess there's no hard fast rule. If you want to go to the phone, why not? But just as easy to ask for that initial first meeting at a bar or cafe. For some people the whole messaging backwards and forwards thing is a chore. Certainly is for me. This guy of yours probably just hates that part and wants to move onto something that's easier and more fruitful for him. If you're uncomfortable with it so soon, just tell him. Say you'd like to keep messaging by email a little longer. Edited September 13, 2011 by Zaphod B
Zaphod B Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 So this is a relatively good thing? I'd say he's trying to tread carefully. Doesn't want you to feel that he's demanding your phone number too soon. Isn't expecting you to trust him with your personal number. Although I guess he could have caller ID on his phone. {shrugs} But I'll say it again. If you're not comfortable with ringing him so soon just tell him you want to keep email messages going for a bit more first. If he gets upset about that, then you're better off not meeting him.
Casablanca Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I send a few messages back, ask for number, only one time did they turn me down on the phone number, I call them, and ask them for a meeting on the first call and go from there..I've learned to make first meeting like to a bar or coffee shop or for lunch, nothing fancy, but to make sure I dont invest in too much if they misrepresented themselves. I like to call so I can get a feel for their personality and how well our personalities mix...Really hard to get a feel for over messages
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 After writing a few messages, do people normally ask to move onto phone chatting? Or are they bored with writing already? If I have more than three or four decent messages back-and-forth with a guy, I might be the one to offer my phone number for chatting. I don't want endless messages and prefer to move it forward to see if there is chemistry. I've made the mistake of falling for a guy's online words only to realize that the package didn't meet the rest of the expectations. Conversely, I have been pleasantly surprised by an occasional lack of a stellar message which produced physical chemistry upon meeting. But I'm older and never discount where one will find chemistry and am willing to meet almost anyone at least for a coffee date to see if there is any potential.
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 It's not so much I think a phone call is too soon but I don't like talking on the phone. Neither do I like messaging back and forth. I kind of think the messaging part is kind of losing steam that he's suggesting the phone. I'm not sure either of us feels particularly "in like" with each other even virtually. I don't know. I prefer to go straight to meeting people after one or two messages. Cuts to the chase so we don't waste time getting to know each other over so many words and back and forth. Am I making sense? And what do people talk over the phone about? Hi, I'm the one you've been messaging. How's your day?
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 And what do people talk over the phone about? Hi, I'm the one you've been messaging. How's your day? For me, the phone call tells me how comfortable they are even having a conversation. You hear their voice and decide if it works for you or not... I was messaging a guy for almost two weeks before we got to a phone call. He was a retired fireman and he looked really burly and built. On the phone, he had the highest, squeakiest voice I ever heard from a guy; complete and total turn-off made me NOT want to meet him. I've also had great conversations with guys and could tell from the timbre of their voice that there was going to be great chemistry...
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Is it a "good" thing that this guy wants to talk on the phone? As in if people don't like people, they'll stop at the messaging level? Or is it completely random and neutral? Or in other scenarios, do people just get lazy with messaging and feel that they don't want to put in the effort anymore?
eljon.desk Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 After writing a few messages, do people normally ask to move onto phone chatting? Or are they bored with writing already? Getting to know... chatting... exchanging emails... Background check... Giving out phone numbers... Talking... Setting up a date to meet... Going out for a real date... ... Making out... ... Deciding... settlement...
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I don't know whether to call or not. I don't get the vibe and I don't even know if we're the right fit, from just reading what he wrote. I'd rather skip to the meeting up part so we can get it over and done with and know whether we match up or don't. But it could be a little early for that.
rightfield Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I'm a guy and I've starting the online dating thing less than a month ago for the first time. I'm starting to get my online dating "legs" under me now, and I've learned that it's a strange process. I put right in my profile, that I think an ideal first date is lunch. Then after a bit of messaging to get a feel for interest, I invite the lady to lunch. I think putting my preference for a first date in my profile sets the expectation that if we message for a while, and I'm interested, be ready for me to ask you to lunch. If we have trouble scheduling, I'm fine with emailing or chatting on the phone. I've been surprised by a couple of women who have volunteered their phone number for texting until we can meet. I agree, there aren't any hard and fast rules. This is just how I approach it and it seems to work fine.
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I'm a guy and I've starting the online dating thing less than a month ago for the first time. I'm starting to get my online dating "legs" under me now, and I've learned that it's a strange process. I put right in my profile, that I think an ideal first date is lunch. Then after a bit of messaging to get a feel for interest, I invite the lady to lunch. I think putting my preference for a first date in my profile sets the expectation that if we message for a while, and I'm interested, be ready for me to ask you to lunch. If we have trouble scheduling, I'm fine with emailing or chatting on the phone. I've been surprised by a couple of women who have volunteered their phone number for texting until we can meet. I agree, there aren't any hard and fast rules. This is just how I approach it and it seems to work fine. This is quite an interesting approach. Would you have liked to chat on the phone before asking someone out for lunch? Or you just prefer cutting to the chase?
rightfield Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I prefer to cut to the chase. One reason I like lunch, is that I can put up with just about anyone for an hour. It is closed ended, it's public so she can feel comfortable, and it doesn't carry the expectations of an evening meeting. I'm not opposed to talking on the phone prior if we need time to coordinate the meeting. But I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's time with prolonged messaging.
Author caseinpoint Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I prefer to cut to the chase. One reason I like lunch, is that I can put up with just about anyone for an hour. It is closed ended, it's public so she can feel comfortable, and it doesn't carry the expectations of an evening meeting. I'm not opposed to talking on the phone prior if we need time to coordinate the meeting. But I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's time with prolonged messaging. We would be perfect in online dating. I'm getting tired of all these emails and then calls. I prefer to see people in the flesh, not just for the looks but the actual interaction.
rightfield Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 You might say something about your preference for meeting in person in your profile. A lot of the times with guys, you have to just come out and state it clearly. Sometimes we don't get the hint.
oaks Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 After writing a few messages, do people normally ask to move onto phone chatting? Or are they bored with writing already? Yes, and yes. Sometimes I meet people without talking on the phone first, but I'm not looking for a pen pal so escalating things away from just emailing via the dating site seems like a good thing.
sm1tten Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 No hard rule either but usually it goes Website email Exchange numbers (text, but usually not) Date Only once or twice have I talked to them on the phone prior to a date and that was more confirming than chatting. Not a big phone talker and no one has ever asked, either. I try to meet within a week or two of messaging so no idea how that would change if outside of that timeline.
Zaphod B Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I put right in my profile, that I think an ideal first date is lunch. You don't feel that might be a little intimidating for a woman as a first date with someone they've met on line? For me it seems like quite an investment of time and possibly money for a first date. Just about every first date I've been on is a drink at a bar or cafe and usually after work. It's a lot more casual, non-threatening and if you find you don't like each other you can leave early.
Sanman Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 For OLD is the same as a bar. Chat for a bit, maybe exchange numbers, and meet in person.
irc333 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 After writing a few messages, do people normally ask to move onto phone chatting? Or are they bored with writing already? 1. Email the woman 2. She doesn't respond 3. If she does respond, have good few correspondences, suggesting meeting up 4. She disappears of the face of the planet 5. Send follow-up email just in case she didn't get the last email 6. No response, move on. 7, Repeat the cycle.
andrew-bkk Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Dating website email Personal email Phone Meet He asked you to call so you wouldn't have to give out your phone number. 1. Dating site -- send each other messages 2. Facebook -- is the person actually real? 3. Phone calls -- does the person sound human? 4. Meet -- go for a walk in the park to see if the person dresses and walks like a human Believe me, I've met a lot of non-humans on dating sites. Edited September 14, 2011 by andrew-bkk spelling
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