arts one Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Hey all, not really sure where to put this. I adore my boyfriend. We have gone out for almost 3 years now and have lived together half of that time. We are in our early and mid 20's and I am having a problem with various decisions that affect us in our daily lives. Our apartment has been recently renovated. We are having issues with the furnishing of such. He has poor taste (I know each to his own) and I feel this directly impacts on me. Even with the renovation process, he would go off in a huff like a child if I disagreed with him on something minor. Everything has to be bland and sterile. I am not really out there with taste in design or fashion, I just like timeless, contemporary, livable, in short - not tacky. My issue is that many of his decisions in life seem to be directly influenced by the opinions of his parents, more directly, his mother. His parents had him late in life, and come from farming background, they have strong values on things. His mother, although spending most of her life in the city, is still fervently connected with her past. They spend very little on daily life and whinge about the price of things. She is still working, so money isn't a big deal. Her views on clothing, food, cars, life, are very austere. We bought her a $200 dress for Christmas and she was offended that we spent so much. Where I live, that amount is not a lot. The car my boyfriend drives had to be a Volvo, because mummy wanted that. Volvos are good, safe cars. Her family had a good reliable one for years. The car has racked up 1000's of $ worth of repairs, yet he can't sell it yet. She's still attached. The clothes my boyfriend wears are old man clothes. He loves nothing more than tracksuit pants and 3 for $20 polo shirts. Occasionally, the Rodd & Gunn jumper comes out - another gift from Mum. I tried to introduce him to online shopping where he could get a better deal, yet there were still complaints if clothes were over $30. We went out to a late lunch at a restaurant on the more fine dining side of things to celebrate the birthdays of the three of them (all around the same time). I arrived a little late and attempted to order my usual drink, only to be abruptly fobbed off by my BF who later explained that his mother had had a whinge about the cost of drinks. Back to the apartment. My BF brought me in to a middle-of-the-road showroom to look at a table he said he really liked. It was a horrible, garish glass thing, imitating some of the high end Italian ones, albeit in a mediocre fashion. He didn't choose it. She did. He got really aggressive with me and walked out because I simply said it might not work. Sorry for writing so much. I am always courteous and respectful towards his mother. I just find much of her persona to be backwards and old-fashioned. Why has he taken on so much of this? It is frustrating, I don't know how to deal with it and feel really disillusioned. He often wins. I always crawl back. She has her priorities. She is also a scout leader in her spare time and has been since my BF was a child. Much of her effort and money as well (I think) goes in to this. She hordes everything to the extent that the entire downstairs of their house is filled with a lifetime of clutter. There is a sign on the fridge which reads "a clean house is a sign of a wasted life". I shouldn't have to wash cutlery before I use it when I go to visit. I just don't understand why he has taken so much from her rather than from others in his life, including his peer group?
FitChick Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 If he is cheap and has bad taste, why not buy all the furniture yourself and then when you split up, it goes with you.
carhill Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 LOL, is it instructive that all the 'high end' furniture, crystal and silver, most of which I picked out, went with exW and I sit here on my mother's modest victorian sofa and drink from plastic cups? OP, here's a couple of tips... You can't 'train' this guy. Don't even try. Get between the love of a son for his mother at your own peril. Personally, having had this experience maritally, I wouldn't even waste my time. That's the benefit of 52 on this rock. YMMV. Good luck
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