browndog319 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 So my BF that I met this summer (roommate in shore house) was supposed to spend Sunday with me. He had a very bad Saturday and I gave him a listening ear and he was the one who suggested getting together (we're about 90 minutes apart and we have a hard time getting together during the week because I'm a divorced single parent with joint custody). So there was nothing weird about our conversation - other than he was just upset at stuff that had nothing to do with me. Sunday - radio silence. Today, I got a group Email from our house manager thanking my BF for helping to close our beach house Sunday and giving us final details about money, etc. WTF? Why would he suggest plans and then blow me off? And then go radio silent? I'm seething and he knows I saw the Email and now know where he was... I haven't said or done anything because I don't know what to do. I was hurt yesterday, today I'm angry. He does do this with everyone according to his friends (guys and girls) but he claims to love me and want a future... I'm supposed to be his date to a wedding Oct. 1 and he is going to my college homecoming game Oct. 15. We always have fun together and I don't understand this. I don't want to bitch him out and damage what might be a good long term relationship, but I also don't want him to think he can pull this crap, either. Advice, please?
soulm8 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) So my BF that I met this summer (roommate in shore house) was supposed to spend Sunday with me. He had a very bad Saturday and I gave him a listening ear and he was the one who suggested getting together (we're about 90 minutes apart and we have a hard time getting together during the week because I'm a divorced single parent with joint custody). So there was nothing weird about our conversation - other than he was just upset at stuff that had nothing to do with me. Sunday - radio silence. Today, I got a group Email from our house manager thanking my BF for helping to close our beach house Sunday and giving us final details about money, etc. WTF? Why would he suggest plans and then blow me off? And then go radio silent? I'm seething and he knows I saw the Email and now know where he was... I haven't said or done anything because I don't know what to do. I was hurt yesterday, today I'm angry. He does do this with everyone according to his friends (guys and girls) but he claims to love me and want a future... I'm supposed to be his date to a wedding Oct. 1 and he is going to my college homecoming game Oct. 15. We always have fun together and I don't understand this. I don't want to bitch him out and damage what might be a good long term relationship, but I also don't want him to think he can pull this crap, either. Advice, please? I can understand where you're coming from. Is it possible that he was so wrapped up in his own stuff that he somehow forgot or didn't realize you two were supposed to get together yesterday? Why is your reaction to his closing the beach house, WTF? What's the significance (other than doing that instead of being with you)? I'd try (really hard) to wait and see what he does. Cool down - wait for his explanation before succumbing to anger. Edited September 13, 2011 by soulm8
Author browndog319 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Fair questions and thanks for the response - he asked me before we went to bed Saturday night. It was HIS idea to get together Sunday. So it would be really weird if he forgot in 12 hours. As for closing our beach house, we had talked about going to the beach together Saturday night and staying in the house for the last night, but he said he had gotten all of his stuff and since the weather looked crappy, he didn't need to go anymore. So he decided he didn't want to go down anymore, but we had talked about going together. So that's why it upset me - to blow off our plans and then do something we had talked about doing. I'm baffled. I haven't done anything yet... I haven't texted or called or even responded to the house manager's email as a group. So I've done pretty well of waiting and seeing so far...
soulm8 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Fair questions and thanks for the response - he asked me before we went to bed Saturday night. It was HIS idea to get together Sunday. So it would be really weird if he forgot in 12 hours. As for closing our beach house, we had talked about going to the beach together Saturday night and staying in the house for the last night, but he said he had gotten all of his stuff and since the weather looked crappy, he didn't need to go anymore. So he decided he didn't want to go down anymore, but we had talked about going together. So that's why it upset me - to blow off our plans and then do something we had talked about doing. I'm baffled. I haven't done anything yet... I haven't texted or called or even responded to the house manager's email as a group. So I've done pretty well of waiting and seeing so far... I just wonder if perhaps he was thinking this upcoming Sunday? I don't know. Hopefully he's in touch soon and it'll get cleared up one way or another.
Author browndog319 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Thanks, I appreciate it - he said "tomorrow." He is a 41 YO man. I hope he calls soon, too. I do know he was stressed about a lot of stuff and he does pull this when overwhelmed - but if he wants to have a real relationship, as he claims he does, just call. Say he just needs to be alone. Say he forgot he promised to help at the house. Whatever. Just don't be radio silent dude... So now I'm going to be radio silent GF.
soulm8 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Thanks, I appreciate it - he said "tomorrow." He is a 41 YO man. I hope he calls soon, too. I do know he was stressed about a lot of stuff and he does pull this when overwhelmed - but if he wants to have a real relationship, as he claims he does, just call. Say he just needs to be alone. Say he forgot he promised to help at the house. Whatever. Just don't be radio silent dude... So now I'm going to be radio silent GF. Understood If you know this is common behavior for him, then it's up to you to either accept it or let him know how it makes you feel (as calmly and non accusatory as possible). It sucks... I know.
Author browndog319 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Yep, when he finally breaks radio silence. I've still not broken it... I do know when I've gone radio silent on him, he does begin to panic. He relies on me for all contact. Well, not going to happen this time. A little panic is just what the doctor ordered. And when he does he will get a very calm explanation about how if he wants me and he wants me to not see other people, then he needs to show up. I am still angry and hurt, but now I'm comfortable with my stance.
luvflower Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Yep, when he finally breaks radio silence. I've still not broken it... I do know when I've gone radio silent on him, he does begin to panic. He relies on me for all contact. Well, not going to happen this time. A little panic is just what the doctor ordered. And when he does he will get a very calm explanation about how if he wants me and he wants me to not see other people, then he needs to show up. I am still angry and hurt, but now I'm comfortable with my stance. Any news yet browndog? Can any guy explain why this happens? It seems to be happening like crazy these days with many of my girlsfriends and once to me recently. It's like many men are reading the same "playbook". Why ask a female out only to not bring it up again and not call or text to say what the deal is...? Then...they call and get upset when we don't respond to them immediately..."playbook"...
Author browndog319 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks for checking, and ummm, no - but I still haven't called/texted or anything yet either. So I'm being just as elusive as he is. WTF? It does seem like a playbook. You are so right! And I'm supposed to go to a wedding with him (his pal) on October 1 and the dress I ordered came yesterday. Sigh. I would LOVE to hear from some dudes on this - we have loads of fun, great sex, amazing kissing, great chats, are very comfortable together.
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