Ex wants to see me

[TheDovic]

Hi guys,

 

Ex dumped me over two months ago (been together 4 years, she had a REALLY stressful year, we were engaged) and from this point I've followed the "winning her back" book's advice and acted cool (like I had my **** together) as if I wasn't too affected (even though it caused me to spiral into severe depression and anxiety).

 

Anyway, she kept contacting me (always her initiating contact) and I kept acting cool. I was telling her I was doing really well, then she started the same but kept asking if I was ok... She text yesterday asking how my weekend had been and if I was ok so I decided to tell her I was doing well but feel bad at times. She replied telling me she feels sad most of the time and misses me and would like to start seeing me more often because we have "drifted apart."

 

Sounds good... but she also added she would really like to be friends. Do I just take this as it's said? Does she really just want to be friends? Last time I saw her she cried saying the breakup doesn't seem to have affected me much, plus she's really shy and has no self esteem so I'm wondering would this maybe stop her telling me she would like to give it another go? Maybe saying "friends" is an easier way to get back into my life... or maybe I'm just kidding myself!

 

What do you think? All suggestions welcome. thanx

[Mack05]

The right thing to do is explain to your ex that you are no longer a couple and that it is WAY too soon to be friends. Explain that you have no idea when you will be ready (if ever) to be friends and that you would appreciate time and space to heal from the relationship break up.

 

It baffles why people act in front of their ex's. You are still hurting, don't be ashamed to admit that to her. If you wants you back she will move heaven and earth to get you back. Right now she is offering you bread crumbs and this is where so many dumpees ending up getting hurt all over again. Do not fall into that trap. Even if she does try to get you back, can you really trust her again the way she behaved towards you? What happens if you get married and she goes through another stressful time. Does that means she walks out of the marriage.

 

When someone leaves you because of stress that is one of the biggest red flags you can be given. Any promises a person like that makes after leaving you like that are false promises. I hope you defriend her, stay NC forever and never look back. That's the correct thing to do from a 3rd party, looking at your situation (aka me). Sadly when it comes to matter of the heart, decisions are not that easy.

[TheDovic]

Cheers Mack, you talk a lot of sense! Totally clutching at straws, but everything you said it right. Thanks

[jormungand]

I too was dumped seeming over stressful situations that I had nothing to do with. It's been about a week of NC, and as much as i care about and love her, if we get back together i'm sure she'll bail when it gets stressful again. I'm sorry to hear about this, and hope your heart heals soon.

[TheDovic]

I too was dumped seeming over stressful situations that I had nothing to do with. It's been about a week of NC, and as much as i care about and love her, if we get back together i'm sure she'll bail when it gets stressful again. I'm sorry to hear about this, and hope your heart heals soon.

 

Yeah it really sucks dude. I worry bout that too, I'd always be walking on eggshells waiting for it to happen again!!! Hope ur feeling better soon too

[M2155]

It baffles why people act in front of their ex's. You are still hurting, don't be ashamed to admit that to her. If you wants you back she will move heaven and earth to get you back. Right now she is offering you bread crumbs and this is where so many dumpees ending up getting hurt all over again.

 

Mack05 I would have acted cool like TheDovic because if I'm only getting crumbs, I wouldn't want them to know how weak I really am (because I'm still hurting, still want them back etc.).

 

But you're right on the saying you are not ready to be friends yet. Anyway from a female perspective I can't imagine wanting to be friends with an ex I still have feelings for unless I wanted to explore those feelings. Maybe after 6-12 months, but she definitely has feelings if she was crying. So I don't take "friends" at face value. She wants to be around you to see what's next.

 

if we get back together i'm sure she'll bail when it gets stressful again.

That's something to really think about too. Especially if she knows you'll take her back.

[TheDovic]

Thanks M1225 (hope I've got that right!)

 

She's cried EVERY time she's seen me and is usually very flirty in her messages. She also hasn't been out socialising and makes a point of telling me that. She always wants to know wat I've been doing and who I've been with... Maybe she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to either.

 

Who knows? Oh to be a mind reader!

[magnus mateo]

She only wants you because she is hurting. Once she recovers, expect her to leave again. Or, if she finds another guy that she is interested in, expect her to disappear. Seems like she is stressed about the situation.

[Besmy]

Here a woman's opinion.

 

I do think she wants you back.

 

I do not think that she really wants to be just friend of yours. Since you acted so cool she might be unsure of your feelings towards her and, not wanting to rush things or looking desperate she goes for the "friend" story.

 

Also, if she is so distressed when she sees you it only means that she cares for you.

You said:

 

She replied telling me she feels sad most of the time and misses me and would like to start seeing me more often because we have "drifted apart."

 

Well, is that not clear enough? It's perfectly clear to me.

 

 

Take it slowly but give it a go if you want her back.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

[TheDovic]

Hope you're right Besmy. Fingers crossed for me