Lucky555 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 So please Someone respond! I know I want a future/eventually marriage and possibly kids. Knowing this is my relationship now doomed? 1. Finances When my boyfriend and I got together he was not in as much debt as he is now which are called his "investments" Frankly I'm worried..I do not feel like there could be a future if he's thousands in debt! (am I right?) Secondly he lives in a place that is not his. He has a lot of bills. I myself have debt from school but not ashby as his investments. 2. no introduction to family He told me his story of his mother being a problem with his past relationships. He is exceptionally close with his family and yet I have not met them. 3. He has told me within two weeks ago he can't make any promises. Meaning where the relationship is going. I told him I can't either. 4. It was only recently he started to step it up. Taking me out, buying me food, making sure we did spend time together. I believe this is because I talked about breaking up if he didn't feel anything for me. He has been more verbally expressive. So I care for him and it's been 10 months. I see no way that we would live with each other anytime soon because he has so many bills. I have bills and am barely making it by. I just feel like his bills would become my burden too if we were to live together also. I'm blue because he can't say he loves me..he told me two weeks ago that he "likes me and enjoys our time together" I feel it's slow progression. 5. He does talk about the future but I don't see how we are going to work. It's like I feel he fills be with bs. To keep me around. I'm Not sure which direction to go or if I need to have a serious talk... What do u all think?
Pasttense Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 "Two can live cheaper than one." If you move in together your total cost of living should decline over what it is if you live separately. It's not so much how much debt he has as much as it is his attitude toward debt--a lot of people are very fiscally irresponsible.
thehead Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 What do I think? I think this is a list of red flags. I think you sound very unhappy and unsatisfied. I don't think this is worth pursuing as I don't see the point of this relationship at all with all these serious issues. Sorry.
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 He sounds like a real schmuck. Gee, I wouldn't even engage in relationship if my financial standing wasn't 99% secure. But then he says he "can't keep promises". WTF? Then what good are you? You are adequately feeling blue. Dating a rent roller is not as bad as being married to one.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Well he is responsible with his cash. However I don't see him trying to get out of debt. He had lots of debt and then bought another purchase on loan. Even though we have been together for 10 months he never told me what his purchase was goin to be or asked my input! I know it's his hard working money..but I thought there was a future with us! So a large purchase would put a damper on this relationship..him having to cut different expenses like our dates possibly! When I was supposedly going to get a good job he was all about me moving in with him..I thought this meant he had strong feelings for me an wanted to progress the relationship..now that my full time job doesn't pay as much there is no talk of us living together!!! Then I find out he only likes me! Ugh! :/ So I feel blue that this relationship is going no where. He talks about what kind of house I would like, future vacations..but to me it's bs to keep me dreaming and around. I do not feel like we are any closer either. He tried lately to show more affection but I am still thinking after 10 months he only "likes me" The no promises and bad debt is awful. If I felt he included me in his life, meaning family introduction, weekends together, and at least going out a little..I would feel so different. I am unsatisfied because I'm giving my time and energy for nothing? So it wasn't till I was breaking up with him that he changed a little. So maybe he is a Shmick and I'm not seeing it! I'm too involved :/ because I care. I feel like I deserve more. If he only included me in his life..:/ After ten months shouldn't I have met his family?! Shouldn't I be staying with him the entire weekend if it was love? Im still thinking this over as I do not want to waste time with some one who can't love me or include menin his life! Ugh..
daphne Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I think you should listen to your instincts. It doesn't sound like you two are fiscally compatible, nor does it sound like he's crazy about you. I do believe he's saying what you need to hear to keep you around. I find it highly sketchy that he wanted to move in when he thought you might be bringing in more money than you actually are, and lost interest when that didn't turn out to be the case. Moving in together shouldn't be about financial interests over love and long term relationship potential. I would move away from him, not move towards him.
ja123 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 What do I think? I think this is a list of red flags. I think you sound very unhappy and unsatisfied. I don't think this is worth pursuing as I don't see the point of this relationship at all with all these serious issues. Sorry. I fully agree!!!! Having blown years in such relationships where I thought things might just get better - let me tell you it doesn't and it's not worth it. It's great that you're in-tune with your emotions and needs. Get out now.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I fully agree!!!! Having blown years in such relationships where I thought things might just get better - let me tell you it doesn't and it's not worth it. It's great that you're in-tune with your emotions and needs. Get out now. Ya he is purposely trying to keep it slow moving. This is what he said before. I think if he was crazy about me he would have moved this relationship along. Since I have No progression after 10 months I'm feeling I need to step back and reassess my needs. It's hard because now he is talking to me everyday. I'm feeling its because he knows I'm more distant :/. But I think I have good reasons here to be more distant! I'm glad to know that my worries are not to be taken lightly! I am ready to have a serious relationship...it's just the guy after 10 months is not all that serious. Thank you all for your time I have some serious thinking to do!
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