EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I'm going to do a reality check here for you Jormungand: "There's really nothing to say. I just don't have the time or patience for a relationship right now" Interpreted: I am saving face. I am not willing to be in a relationship with you and I am deferring responsibility to other things including the word just and my schedule. Move on.
Author jormungand Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 I'm going to do a reality check here for you Jormungand: "There's really nothing to say. I just don't have the time or patience for a relationship right now" Interpreted: I am saving face. I am not willing to be in a relationship with you and I am deferring responsibility to other things including the word just and my schedule. Move on. Will do. Heard from a mutual friend that she is living with her then ex again, and that she's trying to make the relationship work. Hello anger stage.
Author jormungand Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 just received an email from her last night explaining all of the last month or so. anyway, it's apparently my fault because the relationship wasn't progressing quick enough for her, she was very stressed out living at her parents and decided to move back in with her ex to regain some independence. it really would have been nice if she talked to me about her concerns instead of bailing, and that she was back to being unhappy living at her ex's and that she 'doesn't know what she wants anymore'. nothing thanking me for all of the great times. i'm not really surprised, but i don't really know if this means anything at all. advice?
wilsonx Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 just received an email from her last night explaining all of the last month or so. anyway, it's apparently my fault because the relationship wasn't progressing quick enough for her, she was very stressed out living at her parents and decided to move back in with her ex to regain some independence. it really would have been nice if she talked to me about her concerns instead of bailing, and that she was back to being unhappy living at her ex's and that she 'doesn't know what she wants anymore'. nothing thanking me for all of the great times. i'm not really surprised, but i don't really know if this means anything at all. advice? This is gaslighting to the extreme, stop listening to what she has to say, nothing out of her mouth is going to make you feel any better! Honestly would an apology from her make you feel better and help you heal and move on faster? (click on the link if you do not know what gaslighting is) The answer is no, it wouldn't. My ex told me she was sorry for lying to me. Didn't help, was another gaslighting so she would feel better leaving me for another guy. Just let it go and move on. NC her and live your life now
Author jormungand Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 This is gaslighting to the extreme, stop listening to what she has to say, nothing out of her mouth is going to make you feel any better! Honestly would an apology from her make you feel better and help you heal and move on faster? (click on the link if you do not know what gaslighting is) The answer is no, it wouldn't. My ex told me she was sorry for lying to me. Didn't help, was another gaslighting so she would feel better leaving me for another guy. Just let it go and move on. NC her and live your life now Honestly, an apology wasn't what I was after at all - just an explanation of why she decided to bail and not even talk to me about what was going on. I felt that the relationship and friendship we had; I was atleast owed a fair explanation. Anyway, thanks for the backup wilson. Just making sure I'm making the right choice here.
thatone Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 just received an email from her last night explaining all of the last month or so. anyway, it's apparently my fault because the relationship wasn't progressing quick enough for her, she was very stressed out living at her parents and decided to move back in with her ex to regain some independence. it really would have been nice if she talked to me about her concerns instead of bailing, and that she was back to being unhappy living at her ex's and that she 'doesn't know what she wants anymore'. nothing thanking me for all of the great times. i'm not really surprised, but i don't really know if this means anything at all. advice? ask her if he stole anything this time yet. and tell her the black eye will look great on her, you're sure she'll be fine. Unfortunately the more pressure you put on her right now the more she'll believe she's making the right decision cos she doesn't seem to want to deal with anything real at present! Keep to no contact but don't be mean to her. Be light and unaffected if she texts or calls (or if you see her out). She was with you for a reason but maybe she's scared it was getting too serious too soon, so slow down, relax and be fun if you have any contact! no really, be as mean as you want. disregard the above, which is nothing more than sympathy for her because he happens to be female.
Author jormungand Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 no really, be as mean as you want. . Thanks dude. This is the first time I've laughed this hard in a long time!
EgoJoe Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I agree with Thatone. Be as mean as you want and don't back down.
Author jormungand Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Yeah. it's a tough choice. I'd really like to let her have it with one last email. She's not coming back anyway, and I guess the end result is the same, right?
wilsonx Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Shes not going to care, its just going to validate her decision to leave you for him. Just let it go and go NC forever
EgoJoe Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I didn't say let her have it. I'm with Thatone for "shock effect" or "dose of reality" the thing is man is that before you enforce your boundaries it's always good to reality check people. Who cares what they think about it it's your intent that matters and the effects while not immediatly apparent will eventually become apparent or they aren't worth consideration anyways.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Mike has read my posts before in other threads and I have dealt with the same kind of BS. My ex girlfriend left me out of the blue for something similar to this. Everything was perfect but her ex boyfriend who she once loved messaged her randomly through FB and she just went into a funk. Broke up with me because she was comparing her feelings for her ex with her feelings towards me (they were supposedly broken up for 2 years, who the F knows). What it comes down too is everything she said was an illusion. She thought she meant those things but she never did. You were a great guy, just like me, but she is mentally/emotionally screwed from her previous relationship. She has given you her dose of the love bug that she gained from her ex and is still not over it. It's tough man and I am still not over my ex but it's her loss. 3 weeks ago I was out with another girl and my ex saw the whole thing, she watched me and looked miserable. I tried to be a nice guy and avoid her all night but it didn't happen and she actually saw me kiss the other girl. She stormed out of the place but you know what, it is Karma because she couldn't even give me the decency for closure and meet up with me one last time. So the last burning image in her head is of me kissing another girl and guess what? She hasn't even gone out the last 3 weeks and if she is out tonight she will see the same thing again. Be the leader of men my friend and get your rear out there. Many women want a guy like you, don't let some emotionally screwed girl mess your life up! Edited October 22, 2011 by YouNeverKnow86
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