jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 A little background, we're both 27, have been officially together for the past 6 months. Everything was going very well, having serious talks about moving in with each other and eventually letting each other know that we found exactly who we were looking for. All in all, some very uplifting and heavy feelings that were reciprocated endlessly. We never could get enough of each other, and a need for 'space' seemed trivial. Fast forward to last weekend, I get ignored for the weekend. When I asked if anything was wrong all I got was "i really need some space right now". The further explanation that I received that she was overwhelmed with jumping into another serious relationship, but what confuses me is that it was serious for the past four months for the both of us. I've been trying to give her the space she needs, but I'm scared that I'm just going to get a text finalizing everything. All of the nice things she said over the last four months are coming to mind and it makes it hurt all the more, because she's very cold and formal now with any interactions. So I went NC for the week. She then emailed me saying that "I don't see things changing anytime soon" and that her being distant was much easier than talking about why she needed this break. I told her I loved and cared about her, and it wasn't reciprocated -I'm going NC again. Obviously my questions about 'why' will never be answered, but I'm sick of being devastated over this - I'm ready to start healing.
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Sorry to hear that. Gotta ask this, did she have a previous b/f before you? If so how long was it after they split before you two hooked up?
Author jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Sorry to hear that. Gotta ask this, did she have a previous b/f before you? If so how long was it after they split before you two hooked up? She did. We had been friends during her previous relationship. Long story short, he abused her and stole money from her, and a few weeks later she made a move on me. It was nothing but up from there, and she seemed pretty content with it. The day before all this happened, I remember that she told me "I could never live without you". I guess she was wrong.
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I hope it's not this but I just recently went thru (and still am) a similar situation. My now ex g/f told me all those wonderful things too and we could'nt get enough of each other also. I knew she had an ex b/f and the breakup was painful for her. Shortly after the breakup with him we hooked up. Well 10 months later she leaves me for him. She to became distant and wanted space before she dropped the bomb on me. I'm not implying that is exactly whats happening with you. You have let her know how you feel now it's time for No Contact.
Author jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I hope it's not this but I just recently went thru (and still am) a similar situation. My now ex g/f told me all those wonderful things too and we could'nt get enough of each other also. I knew she had an ex b/f and the breakup was painful for her. Shortly after the breakup with him we hooked up. Well 10 months later she leaves me for him. She to became distant and wanted space before she dropped the bomb on me. I'm not implying that is exactly whats happening with you. You have let her know how you feel now it's time for No Contact. Thanks, Mike; I truly know what you're going through right now. I really hope that's not what happened in my situation, and i'll probably never know. I know I can't alter why things happen the way they do; but in our case, if we treated someone right, we deserve someone who will be frank with us to honor what we respectively had. Mike, did you have any idea of what she was doing, or was this completely out of the blue for you as well?
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Going thru in what way? After the breakup, her feelings now??
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Oops, you meant what she was doing before the breakup?
Author jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Going thru in what way? After the breakup, her feelings now?? Oops, you meant what she was doing before the breakup? Yeah, I'm just wondering if things were peachy-keen before all of this was dropped on you.
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Again we were together for 10 months. Our first 6,, 7 months were awesome.Naturally the honeymoon phase wears out and you become more comfortable with each other. I wined and dined her big time during that time then things slowed down alittle. We started spending more time at home watching movies and hanging out. We did go out ocasionally,, just not as much. I almost wanna say I started to notice alittle "boredom" within her. It was about 2 months after that when she dumped me. If a person dumps you cause the honeymoon period is over you don't want that person,,,,, it happens in every relationship.
Author jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Again we were together for 10 months. Our first 6,, 7 months were awesome.Naturally the honeymoon phase wears out and you become more comfortable with each other. I wined and dined her big time during that time then things slowed down alittle. We started spending more time at home watching movies and hanging out. We did go out ocasionally,, just not as much. I almost wanna say I started to notice alittle "boredom" within her. It was about 2 months after that when she dumped me. If a person dumps you cause the honeymoon period is over you don't want that person,,,,, it happens in every relationship. Yeah, i can certainly say that i noticed that. I was bit at work about a week beforehand. She came over every day to take care of me. Maybe it was at that time when she re-evaluated things. Either that or the grass was certainly greener. I'll never know. Either way, i'm sorry about what happened to you man.
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 We will both get over it and it will make us stronger. If you still want her please DO NOT bug her!! Constantly calling her,,crying, begging, pleading,, texting,emails ect. will only push her further away!! and you will look pathetic!! Again tell her you true feelings and leave it at that!!! She will respect and appreciate you not hasseling her!!! By doing no contact will maybe,,, maybe make her miss you too. I too heard all the same stuff,,talks about moving in together,,, I was the best thing to come along in her life,, she loves me etc.
Author jormungand Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 We will both get over it and it will make us stronger. If you still want her please DO NOT bug her!! Constantly calling her,,crying, begging, pleading,, texting,emails ect. will only push her further away!! and you will look pathetic!! Again tell her you true feelings and leave it at that!!! She will respect and appreciate you not hasseling her!!! By doing no contact will maybe,,, maybe make her miss you too. I too heard all the same stuff,,talks about moving in together,,, I was the best thing to come along in her life,, she loves me etc. thanks for the kind words, and best of luck in your emotional recovery.
mike588 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Same to you. PLEASE keep me posted!!! Any other questions??
Author jormungand Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Same to you. PLEASE keep me posted!!! Any other questions?? Not really, you've been really helpful. Thanks again.
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Unfortunately the more pressure you put on her right now the more she'll believe she's making the right decision cos she doesn't seem to want to deal with anything real at present! Keep to no contact but don't be mean to her. Be light and unaffected if she texts or calls (or if you see her out). She was with you for a reason but maybe she's scared it was getting too serious too soon, so slow down, relax and be fun if you have any contact!
Badsingularity Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 We will both get over it and it will make us stronger. If you still want her please DO NOT bug her!! Constantly calling her,,crying, begging, pleading,, texting,emails ect. will only push her further away!! and you will look pathetic!! Again tell her you true feelings and leave it at that!!! She will respect and appreciate you not hasseling her!!! By doing no contact will maybe,,, maybe make her miss you too. I too heard all the same stuff,,talks about moving in together,,, I was the best thing to come along in her life,, she loves me etc. Mikes got it right and if she doesn't miss you and come back to you there is not much you can do. So either way, go ahead and start moving on with your life and doing positive things to get your mind off her. This is something almost everyone goes through at some point and if you focus on taking care or yourself it will make you stronger.
wilsonx Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I am going to make a post here... Does anyone see any red flags in this thread at all? I'll give you a hint. Stop being rebounds. This is something you guys NEED to learn from. If a girl bitches about her ex breaks up with her ex and comes to you, huge red flag. Walk away and protect yourself.
mike588 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Your so right wilsonx. If only I'd seen those "red flags" .Funny how I kept a diary/journel (spelled right) before and during our relationship and now looking back on it I do see those red flags,, Damn!! I've learned an important lesson from this. It's almost like you have to be so cautious,,, so selective of who you date. Just because they had a bad breakup previous to dating you, do you just run regardless of their past? Love is truely blind. Edited September 13, 2011 by mike588
Besmy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I'm always surprised and displeased to hear that people use important words like "I love you" and in your case "I cannot live without you" without really meaning them. I wish there was a law punishing people for abusing those words. For whatever reason she must have lost her passion / love for you along the way. This might be due to another man (ex or new) but not necessarily. I am sorry for you, please keep up the NC and try to move on. A big hug
Author jormungand Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I'm always surprised and displeased to hear that people use important words like "I love you" and in your case "I cannot live without you" without really meaning them. I wish there was a law punishing people for abusing those words. For whatever reason she must have lost her passion / love for you along the way. This might be due to another man (ex or new) but not necessarily. I am sorry for you, please keep up the NC and try to move on. A big hug Thanks, all of you guys are really helpful here. I'll do my best, and hope for the day I can feel somewhat healed after this.
mike588 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Were here for you anytime.. Keep us posted!
Author jormungand Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 bit of an update: bumped into her today, obviously didn't bring anything up. saw her with the ring that her ex proposed to her with on her finger (which she hasn't worn in 6 months), so that pretty much clarifies it for me.
mike588 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 bit of an update: bumped into her today, obviously didn't bring anything up. saw her with the ring that her ex proposed to her with on her finger (which she hasn't worn in 6 months), so that pretty much clarifies it for me. Ouch!! Well at least you know now and don't have to ride the emotional rollercoaster. Chalk it up as a learning experience. You will be fine, move on and learn from this.
Author jormungand Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Ouch!! Well at least you know now and don't have to ride the emotional rollercoaster. Chalk it up as a learning experience. You will be fine, move on and learn from this. I really wish that was the case! The last few weeks have been really tough. I went NC and she asked me to go have lunch and some drinks. A lot of things came out unexpectedly. After asking for space, she decided to give things with her ex another try. She 'couldn't do it' after about a week and went back to where she was when we were together. After talking and apologizing for how ****ty the last few weeks have been, we opened up to eachother, said we loved eachother and ended up kissing. I'm not going to lie, it felt like it always did. She then said that it was still just a little hiatus and that her feelings for me haven't changed. Fast forward to the other day, I had messaged her ONCE to ask about how everything was going with school and work related stress and didn't get a response the rest of the weekend. No biggie, right? A few days later, another message comes in saying "I just don't have the desire to be in a relationship right now, and I just really want to be left alone" with a very terse apology for making things seem like she wanted to get back together. I asked to have a very quick in person discussion about this just so we can both be on the same page, and it was ignored. I know it's all my fault for letting it happen, but I feel like I'm back to where i was when she ignored me for the weekend and subtly let the bomb drop. I still think about this girl 24/7 despite how badly I'm getting treated and how little she cares about my feelings at this point. At this point, I'm back in NC mode but it's not any easier.
Author jormungand Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Finally done with this. I asked to talk for a few minutes to allow myself to get closure on this, and was met with a reply: "There's really nothing to say. I just don't have the time or patience for a relationship right now" It's finally sunk in that I cannot be with a woman who is inconsiderate of my feelings after being there for her in some very bad times. I still love this girl very much, but I really don't love the person she turned into over the last month. Hope she's happy. I'm happy knowing that i've always treated her right, never any name calling, abuse, or regret about having some very good times together .
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