Addicted to brothels

[Spitzer]

Hi,

 

Googling "addiction to prostitutes" brought me to a thread started by forum-member "MaxManwell" entitled : Prostitute addiction.

 

I too have lost my virginity at the age of 18 to a prostitute in a spanish brothel. Needless to say that she was the archetype of the eastern european blonde goddess. Two years, 3 prostitutes and 320 euros later I feel like I've been terribly wrong.

 

I have many female friends but I've never been romantically involved with any of them. I know from various accounts on the internet that there more like me out there. I'm curious and would like to know if anyone managed to escape from the vicious circle of venality.

 

PS : I had used the same nickname on a french forum to seek advice on my situation. Please do not dismiss my post as an attempt at political satire.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Spitzer

[grkBoy]

While I've never done it, I imagine going to a hooker is like looking up porn. You dive in to either pretend or actually bang a woman of the "looks calibur" you want. Not to mention being able to bypass things like approaching, asking out, runaround, dating, etc.

 

Spitzer, the only thing I can tell you is you should probably talk to a therapist, but mostly start venturing out into the regular dating world, face the things you might not like about it...but perhaps find a deeper bond than you would with a hooker.

[somedude81]

Uh, I'd hardly consider thee prostitutes in two years an addiction.

[CarrieT]

Uh, I'd hardly consider thee prostitutes in two years an addiction.

 

That is what I was thinking. But if it is all he has known and has been unable to establish other meaningful sexual relationships, it could be an issue.

[ascendotum]

That is what I was thinking. But if it is all he has known and has been unable to establish other meaningful sexual relationships, it could be an issue.

 

This is what I thought too. I doubt you get the urge to have sex once in every 8 mnths. Sex with a pro once every 8 mnths is hardly an addiction. Same goes for tobacco, porn, alcohol or a narcotic. For you to think this or now have some sort of a mental block to wanting to desire flirty behaviour with other women, then it possibly seems like you do have an issue.

 

Do you now benchmark women against your beautiful east euro blonde goddess?

You say you have many female friends, but have they shown any romantic interest in you or have you flirted with them to indicate you don't want to be just a nice guy friend?

Edited September 12, 2011 by ascendotum

[grkBoy]

Addiction or issues IMHO is when you choose an unhealthy habit over a healthy one.

 

So if one chooses jerking off to porn and even buying a Fleshlight or Real Doll over dating...because he doesn't want to face rejection or social scenes...then it's unhealthy.

 

If a guy chooses to buy hookers because he doesn't want to try to find a woman to date and fall in love with...but wants to find a woman to be in love with...then it's unhealthy.

 

 

HOWEVER...I don't think it's unhealthy if the guy CHOOSES his habit and simply doesn't want the "healthy" thing. So he might simply hate dating and even having social relations with women. He just wants his hormonal release and happily lives his hermit lifestyle.

 

I don't see that as bad. Not everyone has to follow societal norms.

[KathyM]

Just think of it in terms of a piece of meat that's been chewed on and spit out by hundreds of men, and that meat is also likely to be diseased. That should put a damper on the appeal.

[insaneinthebrain]

Addcition is defined by the fact that you disregard your well being.

 

..... you might want to consider getting help

[Spitzer]

The "piece of meat" as you put it, has excellent communication skills and good hygiene. We always shower together before having sex. They (pretend to) talk very nicely, hug. It's more the illusion of contact that I crave rather than the sex. And it's not one in particular I'm writing about. More than a hundred of stunningly beautiful young women work in in that club.

Here's a short video by AFP that draws a clear picture of the place.

 

And regarding my female friends, I've never tried to become romantically involved with them for fear of damaging our friendship.

 

I'm not complaining about my situation, I'm only curious to find people who've broken out of the vicious circle. Perhaps was my using the word "addiction" inappropriate but I genuinely have a fear that I might spiral down to that point. What I find most annoying is that except for the whole romantic side, my social life is very normal.

 

I somehow agree with grkBoy. If had the means to do so I wouldn't even bother about it, I'd be going there every week.

[OnyxSnowfall]

The "piece of meat" as you put it, has excellent communication skills and good hygiene. We always shower together before having sex. They (pretend to) talk very nicely, hug. It's more the illusion of contact that I crave rather than the sex. And it's not one in particular I'm writing about. More than a hundred of stunningly beautiful young women work in in that club.

Here's a short video by AFP that draws a clear picture of the place.

 

I'm just curious... because I am interested in at least partially fathoming the allure. If you know it's not real and it's nothing special and it's just for money / it fulfills some part of unhealthy essence in perhaps the ladies themselves, how are you able to still desire it?

 

How can you be aware that it's an illusion but somehow pretend it isn't? Surely they treat most of their customers in the manners you've described, and these "excellent" communication skills are probably through practice etc... would you feel different if deep inside they didn't value you as a person and even regarded you with resentment? Or perhaps if you knew that they just used you to recreate some horror they lived in their own lives?

 

Do they "engage" you outside of their "work"? If not, how can you pretend they care for you in some way (or that it's not for additional gifts/money/resources etc)?

 

I suppose to break the vicious cycle you need to ask yourself what you're really seeking and if it's really something you're able to acquire with where you've been seeking it.

 

If you're seeking a deep and meaningful mutual relationship that expresses love, affection and sex,

you're likely not going to get it in a brothel.

Edited September 12, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Wolf18]

Oh please. Women are going to objectify you regardless. There's a reason why guys with nice cars, very expensive clothing, tall height, etc get a lot of female attention, is it really any less objectifying then a prostitute taking money up front in exchange for sex and affection?

 

After so many years of being open minded, loving, passionate, and all the other traits women claim they want, and being ignored or friendzoned anyway, I've become quite jaded. I became especially jaded when I saw the girls I thought were different dating the biggest scumbags I knew.

 

But hey, it's not their fault, they're in love

[Yamaha]

I have become especially jaded

 

Understatement......

[OnyxSnowfall]

Oh please. Women are going to objectify you regardless. There's a reason why guys with nice cars, very expensive clothing, tall height, etc get a lot of female attention, is it really any less objectifying then a prostitute taking money up front in exchange for sex and affection?

 

After so many years of being open minded, loving, passionate, and all the other traits women claim they want, and being ignored or friendzoned anyway, I've become quite jaded. I became especially jaded when I saw the girls I thought were different dating the biggest scumbags I knew.

 

But hey, it's not their fault, they're in love

 

Hmm. There are people in this world who have values a part from materialistic prestige, attractive physique, great status, etc. Even if they're in the minority. It is easy to become jaded about many things... and "justifiably" so.

 

The fact remains, there's always exceptions. If you want to excuse using others because you feel used, or to use others because you assume they're going to use you anyway, etc, that is your prerogative. I do not believe everyone seeks to "objectify" everyone, and I do not believe everyone shares the same values. Some people do in fact care about integrity, honesty, fidelity, doing what's "right" and being true to themselves and those they "love".

 

Etc. It is unfortunate you are jaded, but generally that just perpetuates the reasons why one is jaded... it doesn't change them.

[Jynxx]

I'm just curious... because I am interested in at least partially fathoming the allure. If you know it's not real and it's nothing special and it's just for money / it fulfills some part of unhealthy essence in perhaps the ladies themselves, how are you able to still desire it?

 

It's a mind****. While I've never paid for sex, I've had more than my fair share of stripclubvisits, most of the time wasted, sometimes sober. It's part of the culture here to be at a bar at closing time, then move the party to a stripclub as those are the only places that still serve alcohol.

 

When I have an old friend from home visiting, chances are he's never been in a stripclub. So we would go out, have a good time and obviously end up in one. Mind you, most are guys that have their **** together, mid 20s, great education, good job, longterm girlfriend, most of them really rational people. Yet most of the time they get out of the club with an open mouth, not being able to process what happened. Especially on calm weekdays when there's about as many strippers as customers. A guy just whitnessed stunning halfnaked girls come to him, being really touchy, sitting on his lap without him having paid her anything (part of the hustle obvoiusly, they count on getting his money later when he pays for a lapdance), pretending to like him. He would just pick one, pay a bit for a lapdance and have a feeling that georgeous girl really liked him for him and would have fallen for him if they met some other place. It's so unbelievably powerfull. And the guys know she was just after their money, but at the same time they feel she was attracted to them (which is ofcourse what she tried to emulate).

 

My theory is that thinking and feeling are in different brainparts and are able to contradict each other, it's like falling in love with someone you know is no good for you. You can't control the feeling part by logic.

 

Now imagine someone not as mature, with a less stable surrounding and more insecurities, and a situation in which the girl goes way further than a lapdance. It would be the above mind**** many times over, and I can imagine op being really confused.

[phineas]

I'm sorry, i'm from NY so I'm going to try & behave here.

 

Never been to a prostitute.

Never had sex with someone I didn't at least spend a few hrs talking to.

 

Did you at least learn how to do it right when you do meet a woman?

 

What's done is done. siting at home playing Xbox is hella easier than going to the bar & putting in some work to talk to a woman.

 

Going to a hooker has gotta be hella easier than putting in time & effort to have sex with someone you are dating.

 

So I get it.

 

But my only real advice is NEVER TELL A WOMAN THIS!

And make sure you are STD free.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I too have lost my virginity at the age of 18 to a prostitute in a spanish brothel. Needless to say that she was the archetype of the eastern european blonde goddess.

 

 

 

Why was that "needless to say"?

 

 

And with that in mind, why, then, did you write it?

[ja123]

Salut Spitzer! Je parle français aussi.

 

I created a post about 10 days ago called: "Sex Addiction: FYI"

 

I don't think you're a sex addict but this is the basic information for you to find out:

 

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leader in the field with many books, has assembled this test:

 

http://www.sash.net/en/am-i-a-sex-ad...pmenu-104.html

[ja123]

P.S. I know plenty of guys who've visited prostitutes. Particularly in their youthful years.

 

I'm not saying it's right or wrong. What I'm saying though is that you're not alone.

[somedude81]

The "piece of meat" as you put it, has excellent communication skills and good hygiene. We always shower together before having sex. They (pretend to) talk very nicely, hug. It's more the illusion of contact that I crave rather than the sex. And it's not one in particular I'm writing about. More than a hundred of stunningly beautiful young women work in in that club.

Here's a short video by AFP that draws a clear picture of the place.

 

And regarding my female friends, I've never tried to become romantically involved with them for fear of damaging our friendship.

 

I'm not complaining about my situation, I'm only curious to find people who've broken out of the vicious circle. Perhaps was my using the word "addiction" inappropriate but I genuinely have a fear that I might spiral down to that point. What I find most annoying is that except for the whole romantic side, my social life is very normal.

 

I somehow agree with grkBoy. If had the means to do so I wouldn't even bother about it, I'd be going there every week.

What cycle are you talking about?

 

Lets clear things up.

 

About how many times have you been to the brothel? How many woman have you seen?

[KathyM]

The "piece of meat" as you put it, has excellent communication skills and good hygiene. We always shower together before having sex. They (pretend to) talk very nicely, hug. It's more the illusion of contact that I crave rather than the sex. And it's not one in particular I'm writing about. More than a hundred of stunningly beautiful young women work in in that club.

Here's a short video by AFP that draws a clear picture of the place.

 

And regarding my female friends, I've never tried to become romantically involved with them for fear of damaging our friendship.

 

I'm not complaining about my situation, I'm only curious to find people who've broken out of the vicious circle. Perhaps was my using the word "addiction" inappropriate but I genuinely have a fear that I might spiral down to that point. What I find most annoying is that except for the whole romantic side, my social life is very normal.

 

I somehow agree with grkBoy. If had the means to do so I wouldn't even bother about it, I'd be going there every week.

Excellent communication skills, huh? Yah, sure. She's paid to hang on your every word, and paid to be pleasant to you, all the while thinking to herself, this guy is so lame. No wonder he can't find a real woman. And I doubt that expensive 1/2 hour is used up with a lot of verbal communication. Seriously, it's all fake. I did a research project just a couple of months ago on addiction to prostitutes and how to counsel people with such addictions. (I'm working on my Master's Degree in counseling). I read a lot of articles about what prostitutes really think of the johns they are meeting, with interviews of the prostitutes themselves. They generally can't stand the guys that come to see them, but they put on an act, since that is what they are paid to do. They are engaging in sex all the while thinking about something else, since that is how they cope with having to be so close with all the undesirable men that they have to touch. They don't get sexual satisfaction from anyone. It's all an act. All of it. Something they hate doing, but they like the money too much to give it up. And good hygiene you say? Oh, please. They may shower between customers, but they are often diseased, and that's not something that goes away with a little soap and water. People who see prostitutes are gambling with their health, and some STDs are for life. They may not have current symptoms, but they can still be carriers of the disease. They may not even know they have a disease, since it takes six months before the tests are conclusive, possibly longer. Don't risk your life or your health with these high risk people. It's not worth it. After the 1/2 hour and the outlay of cash, you will have nothing. No relationship. No one who cares about you. No one that even likes you. Spend your time and money on cultivating a real relationship with a real woman. Most prostitutes won't even kiss a guy. It's very business like and mechanical, since no feelings are involved, and it is just another pathetic lamo to them. That's what I have read and been told by men who have lived to regret going that route.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Kathy --- While I agree with a lot of what you're saying, many brothels are "regulated" and the women are adamant about using condoms (not that they are 100% guaranteed to protect against STD's).

 

Also, you should read "Brothel - Mustang Ranch And Its Women", it gives a lot of insight into Nevada's Brothels. Some women do experience sexual pleasure and in some ways, "enjoy" their profession (albeit their enjoyment isn't coming from a "healthy" place...).

 

I do not personally condone prostitution/brothels, but it is not accurate to claim that every prostitute is appalled / doesn't get something intangible out of their profession or with their customers / is likely to be diseased.

 

I think "street" walkers are certainly a higher risk for diseases though... and likely they encounter more violence / have more reason to despise and detest their customers (as it's not properly monitored / regulated). Things can always happen, anywhere, nonetheless...

Edited September 13, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[KathyM]

Kathy --- While I agree with a lot of what you're saying, many brothels are "regulated" and the women are adamant about using condoms (not that they are 100% guaranteed to protect against STD's).

 

Also, you should read "Brothel - Mustang Ranch And Its Women", it gives a lot of insight into Nevada's Brothels. Some women do experience sexual pleasure and in some ways, "enjoy" their profession (albeit their enjoyment isn't coming from a "healthy" place...).

 

I do not personally condone prostitution/brothels, but it is not accurate to claim that every prostitute is appalled / doesn't get something intangible out of their profession or with their customers / is likely to be diseased.

 

I think "street" walkers are certainly a higher risk for diseases though... and likely they encounter more violence / have more reason to despise and detest their customers (as it's not properly monitored / regulated). Things can always happen, anywhere, nonetheless...

Yes, I know some brothels are "regulated", meaning the "workers" are tested for STDs at certain intervals. If a prostitute is found to have a disease, then she's taken out of commission until she is symptom free. Well, some STDs are for life, such as genital herpes, HIV and others. Even if the prostitute is symptom free for genital herpes, if she's a carrier, she can still be contagious. She could still transmit the disease, even if a condom is used. Granted the risk is not as high if a condom is used, but it is still there, and still higher than the general population. And, of course, condoms can slip, break, tear, or have microscopic tears in it. Considering that some STDs don't have noticeable symptoms, or the symptoms don't appear for several months, and STD tests are often not conclusive until after six months from contact, there's still a very significant chance that prostitutes who have contact with hundreds of people will contract some form of STD while they are actively working. It's very high risk behavior, whether working from a brothel, or working on the street. Let's not kid ourselves. If you read the statistics for what percentage of prostitutes are carriers of STDs, it's something like 92% to 100%. And that includes streetwalkers, brothel workers, and escorts. Granted, the street walkers are the highest risk, but the others are also high. That's very high risk behavior. Very foolish to risk going to one. Prostitutes are in this profession for the money. That's all they care about. And it's not just the streetwalkers that detach themselves from their feelings in order to cope with the contact. It's all forms of prostitutes.

[Spitzer]

The STD's are not an issue because they follow very strict procedures. It feels cleaner than a trip to the hairdresser. Some less serious girls have tried to kiss me but I have always politely declined.

 

And it's obvious that they don't give a damn about the feelings of their clients. I'm not naive enough to believe the opposite. However, among their clients that include ex-cons, riff-raffs and married men I don't stand out as one the worst. I'm a client and nothing more. The girl I paid the first time asked me : "why don't you find yourself a girlfriend ?".

 

In the mean time, I'm still looking for someone who managed to stop having sex with prostitutes and do it the regular way.

 

 

PS : I think most of you are right. I'm not a sex addict. My libido is very low : I masturbate once a week at most.

[Elysian Powder]

Hi,

 

Googling "addiction to prostitutes" brought me to a thread started by forum-member "MaxManwell" entitled : Prostitute addiction.

 

I too have lost my virginity at the age of 18 to a prostitute in a spanish brothel. Needless to say that she was the archetype of the eastern european blonde goddess. Two years, 3 prostitutes and 320 euros later I feel like I've been terribly wrong.

 

I have many female friends but I've never been romantically involved with any of them. I know from various accounts on the internet that there more like me out there. I'm curious and would like to know if anyone managed to escape from the vicious circle of venality.

 

PS : I had used the same nickname on a french forum to seek advice on my situation. Please do not dismiss my post as an attempt at political satire.

 

Lemme see. You, by using the services of a courtesan, do not incur in dating expenses(paying for those dates while there's the possibility of them going home to bang some other guy). You don't have to worry about pregnancies. You do not have the hammer of potential cheating, you are not manacled by your emotions i.e, you don't have to worry about the woman's changing feelings(and they will). You won't marry, which makes you a very smart man. Unless child-support for a kid you'll rarely see, and alimony for an ex-wife who will, most likely, immediately date some guy below you - if you are like one of the many, she has been cheating on you during years and years - and you won't have to live in a tiny room.

 

You're gonna trade financial and emotional security for an emotional connection that is highly overrated and and a major cause of emotional issues?

 

The women you sleep with through an honest transaction(prostitution) aren't little victims of men's desires. Not all of the men are short, bald, and fat. I've personally known men who are very good-looking or highly successful but instead of dating/marrying/ hooking-up; they pay in cash and in advance for the sex.

 

I've had women in my life, beautiful and with family in high places, but doing it for the cash and the fun and the glamor of having young, attractive men, putting their cash on the table for them.

 

Personify prostitution and impregnate it with a human persona. Prostitution is the most womanly profession sought after, by women and by men; the latter to bathe in the joys of a beautiful woman without paying for it.

 

And hey, when you see famous, very good-looking men, paying for sex instead of dating women who are as good-looking or lower on the looks apartment; you know that sex with a prostitute can be quite intimate and bountifulness.

 

Don't feel bad for doing and taking part in what most males, from the very first human male, have loved to do; sex with beautiful women.

[Red Arremer]

I have to say, I almost feel like this would be a nice problem to have. Literally the only thing stopping me from doing something like this is the legality and lack of regulation of it where I live. If it was legal and regulated here, or somewhere within a short drive of here, I would probably go at least 1-2 times a month. I don't really want a relationship and I do very well for myself financially so I don't really see what the big deal is.