quietGuy13 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Whenever i see a pretty girl while driving or in bus station etc. i feel this strong feeling like i want them. Sometimes i've even started talking to them even though i'm a shy guy. ANd it always turns out bad..( they lie , give me fake number, say they want to be friends but they are really not interested and they know in their mind that they will ignore me ) most girls don't like random strangers appraoching them and talking to them. Even my dr said forget about doing that. It's not good for you because you keep getting hurt. it could even be dangerous he said. So, yeah but I dont have any friends(except for a temporary one) and i want a GF someday so i'm really attracted to girls i see...But i'm always just sad cause i think "aaa whatever they dont even like me" So how can i stop these feelings and just pass and not think about them? Today i saw 3!!!! 3 hot/pretty ladies as i was driving by. I wanted to get out and fake it and go there and start conversing but there were other people with her in the bus stop sso i didn't but if she was alone i would have prorbably done it. I did it before recently with a girl from Portugal and we had a nice conversation. I dont really expect anything from it, but just nice chat. Well but as my Dr and other people have said....it's not a good idea. Then what, how do I make these people be invisible in my mind so t hat i don't feel sad?
grkBoy Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to complete strangers. I know if I make eye contact with a pretty girl, she smiles or seems friendly, I'll strike up a conversation. I never ever ended up with a number or anything from it, but I did feel good about it all. Made it easier for me to carry myself in public. Here's what I suggest though: Make sure you have an opening. I'm not talking about a "line" either. Girl and you make eye contact with a smile, talk to her. Girl is shopping for food or reading a book, obviously not making eye contact with anyone...don't bother. You'll just annoy her.Carry no expectations. Some guys might disagree with me here, but I usually carried no goals of any sort other than getting over my fear of striking up conversations with strangers. It's a confidence builder. Don't sit there thinking you must get a number or date. Sometimes even just leave it at small talk and move on. See if she's driving interest in you, then you go for the number.Don't push. I don't care who says you have to seal the deal in a certain amount of time or you lose her for good. Sometimes if it's the person you see on the bus every day, start with talk, then maybe after a few more times if you see she lights up when she sees you, calls you out by name, and seems genuinely happy to see you, then try for more.Watch her real reaction. Just because she's talking to you doesn't mean she wants to date you. She might think you're nice, but not for her. If you see she's lukewarm on the conversation, barely answering you, and the conversation seems forced or one-sided, then let it go. Don't keep pushing and trying to make more happen.Leave on a high note. One thing I love to do is just tell a girl I make eye contact with, even if I don't get a smile, that she looks great. "That's a beautiful dress" is one example. I'll get the smile and thank you, and perhaps even a tiny bit more talk...but I won't try and try to keep conversation happening. Sometimes I'll just pay her the compliment and leave it at that...because it leaves her with a good impression of me. If this is someone you see regularly, the compliment and nothing more might make her more comfortable with actually talking to you more the next time. If you're driving, I wouldn't bother. I personally would not stop to hop out and talk to a girl. Just seems like you're prowling and thus they'll have their guard up. Take walks in populated areas. It's exercise and it gives you opportunities. If you have a dog, take him/her for a walk. Go to a dog park. Plenty of opportunities to talk to girls. I'll never forget a commercial where you see a cute dog and a man's legs and feet (in clothing) and suddenly you see a woman's legs and heels come up and she's saying how cute the dog is, and the guy says his name and then his own name...she then replies with hers and again mentions the cuteness of the dog. It's implied the dog was his ticket into getting to know her. Take chances, but learn to not let the rejections become your obstacle. If it seems to be too much, then take a break from approaching/trying and just let any internal wounds heal. I'll take breaks from all of that if I'm in a low spot and just need to lick wounds.
Author quietGuy13 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 "If you're driving, I wouldn't bother. I personally would not stop to hop out and talk to a girl. Just seems like you're prowling and thus they'll have their guard up." Thanks alot for your great info. I won't give up!!!! But yea No i wouldn't stop right in front of her with my car.. I fake it, like i park far away from the bus station, then walk over and sit there fake that i'm taking the bus. that's what i meant by faking it.
grkBoy Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 That works. Stay strong, don't let it get to you. Condition your mind to look at a girlfriend as an ADDED BONUS to your life, not your entire life. It'll help you deal not only with rejections/failures, but also guide you to self-fulfillment...which makes you look calm, cool, confident, and more attractive to the ladies. The trick I've known is to work to remove the inner pressures one puts on themselves. Take chances, shock people, let a girl flee from you thinking you're some creepy guy even (because she's got her defenses up too high). Better to try and fail than never to try at all. Even look at the failed attempts as victories over the fears/cowardice/insecurities that hold us back. You may not have gotten the girl, but you landed a good blow on the insecurity monster.
FitChick Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I feel the same way when I see a dress I really want. I just try to avoid that shop so I'm not tempted to spend and get into debt or feel miserable not buying it because I can't afford it. Just because someone wants something doesn't mean they can have it. People who don't know this wind up in prison.
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I just made a thread on this topic. Carry that state of mind with you at all times. It will make women less significant and make it easier to approach/converse with them without idolizing them. They are not to be idolized, some of them are just well-shaped pieces of flesh. Hell, take it further, attempt to notice something unpleasant about them, something funny - portray them in some ridiculous situation like trying to shoot a gun, or chopping a tree......anything that women aren't natural at doing. I learned that about public speaking- don't let the crowd intimidate you-they are not above you, you are and you are the voice they listen to. It is quite similar to women, actually.
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