Kageytn Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I'm on 48 hours of no contact with mr. Manipulation. I've been dreading him calling but also disappointed it hasn't. I'm getting stronger, though. Still subbing, still running, still dating, still learning. I've recently been using imagery to help me not to contact him. I know it's weird but it's working. I imagine we are in a conference hall in two room separated by a door. He shut the door to his room-shutting me out. He opens it a little to see what I'm doing in my room-friends, texting, emailing or calling. I can choose to respond and have him throw me out again or I can leave the door. I imagine me taking my hand off the doorknob and walking out my room to new rooms, new people, new adventures. I've been in his room. It's miserable-full of conflicting messages, hedging and pain. It's familiar but I don't want back there! It's helped a lot. Just ramblings from me! 48 hours 15 minutes!
geegirl Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 So, what would you do if he contacted you?
Author Kageytn Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 He will. He already has. We haven't had a clean break. In july, he broke up with me three times. He wants to be friends. I originally said no then agreed after he wore me down. I'm an idiot! He will want me back but not in the way I want to be back. I'm going to ignore his texts, phone calls and emails. Then he will get mean. He will say I'm a bad mother, I'm scared of commitment, I'm mentally unstable and I'm a slob. It will bother me greatly. This is usually when I cave. If I can weather it, Im not sure what will happen. Will he go away? Or will he promise commitment? My deepest fear is not that he will leave but he'll give me a ring. I'm not sure I can resist. I love him but someone said we were like magnets. We bang against each other. The excitement and thrill of that bang keeps us together but then we repel each other. It's true. I deserve more. He deserves more but we are attracted to each other. I just hope I'm strong enough to resist him this time.
geegirl Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 1. You identify his as Mr. Manipulator. 2. He has broken up with you 3 times. And there will be more. 2. You know he will want you but not in the way you want to be back. 3. He gets mean when he does not get his way. 4. He is verbally abusive. It's not a matter of whether he goes away or not. It's not a matter of whether he gives you commitment or not. Why would you want someone who calls you mentally unstable, an unfit mother and a slob? Your self esteem and self value is in the tank to allow someone to speak to you this way and still want him back in your life. This is not love. Attraction alone is not going to hold you two together and if it does, it doesn't make for a lasting, healthy relationship. Your R is so superficial. What you both are gravitating towards is the toxicity that you both feed into each other. Love is by no means cruel and degrading. If this is your definition of love, you really need to find your reality.
Author Kageytn Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I'm in therapy which helps a lot. I recognize the patterns which is much better than where I was a year ago. It's progress to me.
geegirl Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) Well, if it's been a year and you identify the patterns, so you shouldn't be hoping for commitment but trying to remove yourself from a bad situation. Therapy should be helping you understand the situation with clarity versus keeping you attached and hoping, especially if it's been a year. Commitment will not make him change nor will it make your relationship healthy. I hope you stay NC. Edited September 12, 2011 by geegirl
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