lmxfour123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Really upset and need your opinions...PLEASE HELP I really really help on this because I am totally confused and don’t really have anyone I can really talk to...I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and from quite early on we both agreed that this was different and that we were definitely going to end up married with kids the lot. We have agreed not to rush things though and will be starting to save up soon for our mortgage deposit (this will take about 18 months though so again no rush). We don’t see each other every night but about 5 out of 7 and we speak on the nights we don’t see each other although we don’t text constantly as we both work and my boyfriend isn’t in to texting all the time....with anyone not just me.We get on really well, have a laugh and like doing the same things. I get on very well with his family who love me too. He has never had a serious relationship before and is 3 year younger than me at 24. Now he has always been used to doing what he likes and is very spoiled. Since we’ve been together he has let me down last minute for nights in several times to go out drinking with friends but he always make its up to me and i give in although I don’t like him treating me like that I hope he’ll grow out of it. However, this weekend he has done it again but this time he didn’t even call me, we where meant to meet at my house at 10pm after work and he never showed, didn’t answer his phone or texts so I just left it. He called me at 5am and I said I didn’t want to speak to him as I’m sick of it and I hung up and put my phone on silent. When I woke up I’d had 20 missed calls. I tried to call him but his battery had gone. Now I know from his mum that he had stayed at a friends that night and he came home the next day got changed and went straight back out until midnight last night and he has now gone to work...without charging his phone again! I only ignored him as I want him to realise I won’t put up with that and hope he’ll learn a lesson and change but I’m so worried now that he won’t and he’ll just want to split up because I’ve bruised his ego by putting my foot down for once. I don’t expect him to be perfect but at least a phone call should have been made early on and he needs to realise this. To be honest I have been too soft on him during our whole relationship and he very much so wears the pant but I’m not perfect myself and am not a walkover, but I love him to death and for the first time really thought he was ‘the one’. Will he realise he wants me or will he leave me heartbroken? Please help
ls32ssibm Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Talk to him about in. And in my opinion, things like phoneplay aren't worth breaking up over. About the drinking, he is 21 and hasn't gone through that bar-phase yet. That's your call if you want to see him through it. This is why I only like chicks 23+ and I'm 23 myself. Again, talk to him.
Mack05 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I think he is too emotionally immature to be in a serious relationship with. He will probably break your heart. His actions are telling you he is too young to want to be in a serious relationship. I would cut ties and run (as difficult as that sounds). If he comes back and BEGS for another chance explain to him you are not willing to put up with being second best. Afterall you are not asking for that much from him. Sadly, you can't change people who don't want to change..
Author lmxfour123 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 But I really do think that he wants to be with me and in a serious realtionship he just thinks he can have the best of both worlds which he can't obviously and he needs to learn that. He is 24 I am 27 by the way think I confused with my original post. I really do love this guy and just hope he can realise that he wants me and change like he says he wants to
geegirl Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) But I really do think that he wants to be with me and in a serious realtionship he just thinks he can have the best of both worlds which he can't obviously and he needs to learn that. He is 24 I am 27 by the way think I confused with my original post. I really do love this guy and just hope he can realise that he wants me and change like he says he wants to A few things. It looks like you have enabled his behavior in that when you felt let down by his actions, you condoned it even more by keeping quiet so that you wouldn't rock the boat. That wasa clear sign to him that you are acceptable of being disrespected. So he is doing what you taught him is acceptable behavior. If you don't stand for anything, you will fall for everything. Stop thinking for him. He may want an R but is he capable of giving you what is required to make for a healthy partnership, one that at this point is deserving of respect. He is definitely immature, not just emotionally. When someone loves you, they will respect your needs. He can't do a little thing and that is to acknowledge your existence, HIS GIRLFRIEND, of his change in plans by simply calling her and telling her/or texting her. His blatant disregard for you is a red flag. I'd question his commitment and his so called love for you. Because when you love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt them. It seems that he couldn't care less whether he does that to you or not. All this while, you gave in and he had his way. Now you reprimand him and he does not like it. He has to have control. You standing up to him is not ideal. Love is great but it's not enough to sustain an R when already there are issues of disrespect and manipulation. Bruised his ego! F*** his ego. What about his disrespect to you over and over again. If he really loved you and wants a commitment with you, he will be working things out with you and trying to compromise and come to an understanding. Not playing stupid games like turning his phone off to punish you for standing your ground. There are two people in this R. He needs to respect you and what you need from him. Will he change? I doubt it. Maybe for a bit but he will probably revert back to his old ways. If he is immature, it will take a lot of "bringing up" to get him to think like an adult. Depends on how much you can put up with. But that also depends on whether he wants to be in an R. By the looks of it, he is more concerned about his freedom to do as he pleases. There is no room for that type of behavior if you want a healthy relationship. I still can't imagine a boyfriend standing me up for hours like that, over and over again. He'd get a steel toed boot up his ass and that would be the last of him. Edited September 12, 2011 by geegirl
Portisphish Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I have a question. Of course it is pure common courtesy to let someone know of a change of plans, but would it have really mattered if he did call? Is the issue that he went out without you? Or that he chose his friends over you? Let me ask another question. If there is total trust and respect for the other person, shouldn't it be ok for someone to go out with his friends for drinks? I think you should be satisfied in the relationship and you are not, so you should communicate this, and you have. It doesn't sound like he will change. You should be treated how you want to be treated. Don't settle on that. 21 is usually just too young to be in a serious, long term relationship or marriage.
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 If I (or any of my friends - about 30 guys) was into a girl in any way we would never treat them like this. But maybe he's just used to treating people this way because he is spoiled. You did the right thing by being firm with him. Reward his good behaviour by being nice to him, but punish him by removing your attention when he behaves in this way. Also spell it out in black and white that you will not be treated this way. If he doesn't accept that then he is not worth knowing cos wat he's doing is really unfair
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