Anyone here in the same situation as myself?

[irc333]

At one time, when I was in my late 20's / early 30's, my desire to have children was high.

 

But now as I approach 40, it's kind of waned and not too crazy about being an elderly parent.

 

That being said, I am finding it a bit difficult to find women that dont' want children.

 

But also have been meeting women, who are over 35 or even early 40's still wanting to start families. And I'm wondering why their desire is still there.

 

It sounds like I should be dating single mothers might be a better option, esp. with kids that are already grown up...because most of those singles typically don't want to have children again since they've already been down the marriage/raising the family road.

 

Don't mean to sound insensitive about it, but just saying.

 

I mean I PREFER women who have no children to begin with (makes dating easier, less drama, lol), that are around my age, however, even THEY want kids (which can be a health risk as they get to their 40's)

 

Single parents with kids = not likely to have more children (which is a desirable trait I would like)

 

Never married, no kids single woman age 40 (serious health risk), like myself = wanting children.

Are women this age willing to take that kind of risk? Are they aware of the risks or should be made aware of it?

 

Kind of a rock and a hard place. lol

 

Anyone here in the same situation as myself?

[oaks]

But also have been meeting women, who are over 35 or even early 40's still wanting to start families. And I'm wondering why their desire is still there.

 

As they get older they think "who's going to look after me when I'm old? Better have some kids!"

[irc333]

As they get older they think "who's going to look after me when I'm old? Better have some kids!"

 

 

Well, I have myself as an "undecided/open" on my dating profile as far as wanting children.

 

But I'm leaning towards just "Not wanting children", but I think that'll give women a serious snap judgement about me:

 

1. Single mothers won't date me, because they think I can't stand children.

2. Women withOUT kids won't date me because I don't like kids

 

Basically saying, publicly on a dating site, as opposed to meeting someone, dating, fall for each other, and the discussion of kids comes up a whole lot later into the dating process.......

 

And if on a profile, saying that you don't want kids usually makes you look bad to single mothers OR NON-single mothers....or any woman out there. lol

 

Leaving me with no one as options. lol

 

Of course, there are those women that don't want kids either, but I've emailed them, but they had other criteria they were looking for in a guy other than that as well.

 

I did have a good match with a woman, age 45, attractive, nice curves, intelligent.

 

Her other siblings had kids, but she was kind of the "black sheep" that never married nor had children, and had become so accustomed to single life, that the men she did date who were proposing marriage to hher, she bailed, because she felt they would infringe on her space and her "me time", which is true, there are some sacrifices you have to make. She was very independent, and that was her undoing. Her boyfriends would expect her to spend more time with them, and take her away from her social life and hobbies which she CONSTANTLY spent most of her single life doing, which would mean making sacrifices.

 

(Sorry to be long-winded)

[oaks]

Well, I have myself as an "undecided/open" on my dating profile as far as wanting children.

 

But I'm leaning towards just "Not wanting children", but I think that'll give women a serious snap judgement about me:

 

1. Single mothers won't date me, because they think I can't stand children.

2. Women withOUT kids won't date me because I don't like kids

 

Basically saying, publicly on a dating site, as opposed to meeting someone, dating, fall for each other, and the discussion of kids comes up a whole lot later into the dating process.......

 

Well, leave it as "undecided/open" and then explain it (succinctly) in your profile. I've seen lots of profiles that explain what they mean about the children question.

[irc333]

Well, leave it as "undecided/open" and then explain it (succinctly) in your profile. I've seen lots of profiles that explain what they mean about the children question.

 

 

I guess, but I feel like explaining it in person as I'm dating the individual.

 

That being said, there's always "accidents" and the child STILL might come, I think that's why I have it on "Undecided/Open" because there's always that possibility.

[Cee]

Wanting children and making the decision to have them are two different things. There seems to be a continuum of not wanting/wanting children. Most people fall in the middle somewhere.

 

On the other hand, I am continually shocked by women (and some men) who are single and 40+ who insist on having kids. And I always ask them why not fall in love first rather than focusing on hypothetical children. I guess the biological urge is strong. Personally I think loving a mate is more important than children. But that's easy for me to say b/c I never wanted children.

 

I had the same debate as you did and I decided to date men with children. But on my profile, I was honest and said that I didn't want children. I got dates with men with children, but it didn't really work. I had no empathy for their lives.

 

In short, cast your net wide and date as much as you can. Don't worry about profiles so much and focus on the person across the table. Treat her like a blank slate and she will tell you her real story around children.

[phineas]

I've allready got kids & i'm shocked by how many women pushing 40 want them.

I'll be 40 in a few months.

I don't want any more kids.

 

I feel like their just looking for a sperm doner at this point.

That isn't going to be me.

 

I can barely afford two kids.

[irc333]

I've allready got kids & i'm shocked by how many women pushing 40 want them.

I'll be 40 in a few months.

I don't want any more kids.

 

I feel like their just looking for a sperm doner at this point.

That isn't going to be me.

 

I can barely afford two kids.

 

Yeah, I didn't bring this up earlier......however, I had run into some women like age 40-43 that:

 

1. Had been married/divorced once.

2. Have children

3. And believe it or not, wanted to have MORE children.

 

 

Yes, for some reason they want to continue to recycle their lives once again.

 

I saw this one woman that had a list of "Must Haves" and "Wish to haves"

 

I fulfilled her "must haves" perfectly.

 

One of her "Wishes to have" was to find a man that wants to have children.

 

I sent her an email saying something to the effect that how I had met all her "Musts" but not quite her "Wishes".....believe it or not, one of her wishes were to find a man who likes to "text" (yeah , strange priority, but I don't really text either)

 

I think I had asked her why would a woman her age, who has already been married, divorced, had her children, and now at 43, wants to have MORE?

 

Even made her aware of the risks involved.

 

 

I have a good friend of mine that had met a 30 year old woman, and she was never married NO kids, and he was mid 40's, have 2 children in Jr High, and is divorced...shared custody with the ex wife

 

They were engaged at one time, then they called off the engagement, I asked him why, and he said that she said she wanted to have kids and he did not.

 

THen later on, the wedding date was all set.

 

He said to me that he was able to talk his wife to be out of having children. <shrug> go figure

[irc333]

I had the same debate as you did and I decided to date men with children. But on my profile, I was honest and said that I didn't want children. I got dates with men with children, but it didn't really work. I had no empathy for their lives.

 

Yeah, I saw this one profile of this one woman, age 40, very attractive blonde with 2 kids.

 

She actually had written IN her profile to only be contacted by other men who have kids, because those who don't have them, she just could not relate too.

 

Though, I do get tired of seeing women who post how the men they date must understand she's has started college once again in her middle aged years and is trying to get straight A's, also works, AND has full time custody of her daughter.

 

Personally, I think a woman like that should not even be dating unless

 

1. Their kid gets older

2. They are done with college

3. Retired from work, lol (kind of being facetious/joking there)

[grkBoy]

I understand your sentiment irc333. I'm 38 and only now engaged. So we might be married in 1-2 years, at which I'll be 40 and she'll be 38.

 

Children are an iffy thing with us. Forget the age factor...it's mainly about the time and money. Children mean I can't easily work extra hours or added freelance to bring more income in, and if you look at this economy, it's become harder and harder to become a parent.

 

You suddenly now wonder how easily you can get a home to raise them in, or if you prefer being able to travel and live life more as opposed to worrying about food, bills, school, etc. Some might think this is selfish, but I find it more selfish to have kids and then decide you don't want to put the full-time effort into it.

 

IRC, I'd honestly tell you to get more detailed then in your profile...the way you comment on how women do when talking about physical attraction or the "no liars please" thing. Just toss in a little on how you put "undecided/open" because you are in your 40s and are open to it, but won't dive into a family in haste. Say you do love children, but aren't going to require it out of a woman.

 

It might change how they read it.

[coolheadal]

I would like to have kids myself with the right women who can help raise them with me. I don't want women with kids already. These kids would call me step-dad and then you have to deal with the real-dad and her. Just can't do it. Those in the 40's look older than me so that won't work. I have to start with 30's to 39 hope I can find one without a kid. The one I met recently has 20 year old and she's suppose to be in 40. She told me she got married at age 14. Her first marriage last for 30 years. That would make her 44 and that would mean she can't have kids unless she okay or she doesn't have her tubes tied.

 

Most of these women today have it tied since they can fool around more without getting stuck with another kid to deal with.

 

No smoker (no drugs)

No drunk (no beer drinker)

 

Must be able to take care of her self and don't stink!

[sm1tten]

Wanting children and making the decision to have them are two different things. There seems to be a continuum of not wanting/wanting children. Most people fall in the middle somewhere.

 

On the other hand, I am continually shocked by women (and some men) who are single and 40+ who insist on having kids. And I always ask them why not fall in love first rather than focusing on hypothetical children. I guess the biological urge is strong. Personally I think loving a mate is more important than children. But that's easy for me to say b/c I never wanted children.

 

I had the same debate as you did and I decided to date men with children. But on my profile, I was honest and said that I didn't want children. I got dates with men with children, but it didn't really work. I had no empathy for their lives.

 

In short, cast your net wide and date as much as you can. Don't worry about profiles so much and focus on the person across the table. Treat her like a blank slate and she will tell you her real story around children.

 

I really liked your post, Cee. That's basically where I'm at. Even at 28, a lot of men in my age group have young children and that's problematic for me as I don't want any children. On my profile, initially I stated that I was unsure because I don't really believe in absolutes and therefore it's entirely possible I MIGHT change my mind. I got dates. Later I changed it to "no children" because it's really more truthful that the chances of my wanting to be a mother or stepmother are far lower than would make a compatible relationship with someone who is unsure or knows that they do. I still got dates. And a few of them were men who already HAD children. I didn't get that at all. I actually got more attention from men who had children when I said I didn't want any than prior but I'm guessing it's because they figured I'd be okay with step-parenting. Or they didn't read. Either or.

[irc333]

I've mostly been contacting women that have an "Undecided" or "Don't want children"

 

Which kind of even things out a bit.

[irc333]

I do single mothers, but typically if the father is on the other side of the United States or the mother has full custody, and the child is young, this might pose to be problematic considering she'll probably neverh ave time to date.

 

Sometimes I ask if they share custody or not, if not, and the kid is pretty young, chances are she'll probably have little or no time to date.

[grkBoy]

So you're really hoping for a single, available woman who has no kids, doesn't want any kids, and thus is 100% free/available to date?

[irc333]

So you're really hoping for a single, available woman who has no kids, doesn't want any kids, and thus is 100% free/available to date?

 

No, I'm not saying that, i'm willing to date a single parent, if the child isn't taking up too much of her time.

 

Esp when the

 

1. Child is rather young

2. There is no shared custody, where the mother can drop off the child at the father's house for the weekend/week, so she'd be available tod ate.

 

In some cases, if she's bogged down with starting a fresh life by going back to college, working a lot and then trying to spend time with her young child, she might as well put off dating until the child is older.

 

I had a female friend of mine that had to call of a relationship she had with a guy that kept hassling her about never being available to date on the weekends because she was playing taxi cab to not only her own child, but to the children of her child's friend, was a den mother in the cub scouts so was baby sitting OTHER kids along with her own kid as well.

 

She had full custody, too. She kept having to tell the guy that she was never available every time he called her up to ask her out. He did kind of shoot his mouth off by making a snide comment about seeing another guy behind his back, which caused her to end the relationship, but it was inevitable.

[grkBoy]

She had full custody, too. She kept having to tell the guy that she was never available every time he called her up to ask her out. He did kind of shoot his mouth off by making a snide comment about seeing another guy behind his back, which caused her to end the relationship, but it was inevitable.

 

Maybe she was just too busy, but I also tend to think when a woman does this it's secret code for "I'm not into you and I'm using my kid as an excuse to push you away."

 

This is like the women I've met who work loads of hours and are "so busy" when I ask them out...but will make loads of time for a guy she finds attractive.

[ja123]

In regard to children, put "prefer not to say" on your profile.

 

A lot of men are doing that now.