Bugsy1 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Hi guys, Been apart from the ex for a month now. One of the biggest problems was that I clearly didn't appreciate her enough. We go to the same Uni and are in the same classes. I bought "The Magic of Making Up", went non-contact (to which she immediately started messaging me about and being generally resentful of - really the only thing that had changed was that I sent her the "official" NC message). Anyway, this afternoon we had coffee today (I made sure to keep it only half an hour, chatted away, generally laughed and had a nice time with her...her body language was good and we didn't talk about the relationship at all. In short, my question is - where to from here? I'm thinking I wait a week and then attempt to ask her to lunch (not in a romantic sense - I'm still wanting to take it slowly, just attempting to "re-ignite the spark" at this stage) but I also have to see her three days a week at Uni in my classes. How should I behave around her? Still limited contact or do I "up the contact" and start chatting her up, etc? What do you guys think? Thanks everyone!
silly_panda Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Sorry for asking this question... Are you doing anything about your issue of 'not appreciating her enough'..? If that's the reason for your break up, I will say fixing that first... I don't really agree on playing mind games to get your ex back man... No hard feelings... If you really wanna have a relationship with her again, just be yourself and be sincere... Take things slowly... If she still loves you and there is no other guy in the picture, I will say your success rate is high... Just be sincere man...
Author Bugsy1 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 You're right - I need to show her that I appreciate her, definitely. I'm being myself around her, however I get the feeling that she's just playing games. After the coffee, the next day I saw her at Uni. Completely ignored me outside then, as we sat down in the lecture theatre, said "hi" and then ignored me for the rest of the lecture. I get the feeling that she didn't like being ignored whilst I was in NC and, now that I've reached out again, she feels as though she "has me back in the stable" and can just enjoy herself knowing that she has a measure of control in the situation again. I was going to see if I could get her to come out to lunch with me next week but, from the way she's been acting, I feel as though (despite our relationship) I may have just been a "notch on her belt" and mean nothing to her anymore. Unfortunately, she's 19 and I'm 26, so we're probably at very different stages of out life (despite what she said during the relationship about wanting to stay together forever). Any thoughts? Points of view? Should I go back to NC on her or keep trying to contact her (I haven't sent her any messages/calls/etc since the coffee)?
PositiveNegative Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 (despite what she said during the relationship about wanting to stay together forever). The more I hear about people's relationships the more I realize that this is more common then I used to think. How are people able to just break up with someone knowing that they've said this? I wish I knew.
silly_panda Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 PositiveNegative, many people do say those things... In my point of view, they do mean it when they said it at that moment... Cause they really feel like staying with you forever... These words is not a promise... It's just something that they feel like at that moment... Just that as time passes, things happen, they don't feel the same way anymore and they well, just leave... Bugsy1, I really don't know which will be the best path to take... Either go NC or keep being her friend at the moment... From what I had seen (based on my friends' relationship), to get back with an ex girlfriend who got disappointed with you (you taking her for granted, bad habits) takes time and patience... My friend got back with her ex but after a year they had broken up... During that time he demonstrated that he is able to change to another better person and fixed his bad habits... All those time he keep it cool, didn't show that he is needy or desperate, just show to her ex that he care for her... One thing I have to admit though is that her ex girlfriend was 26 that time... And she already clearly knows what she wants in a relationship... And your girl is only 19 (not saying she is not mature)... But I think she still got a lot to explore and discover... I will suggest that you meet up with her a few more times and see how it goes... If you can't see any clear signal from her, then go NC and you gotta move on... I hope this helps... Good luck...
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