sm1tten Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Exclusive to me does not automatically imply commitment. You would doubtless get much clearer answers by querying the individual in question and not anonymous strangers on the internet who each will have their own ways of defining these terms. If you can't ask these questions then you probably can neither be exclusive to nor committed to that person.
Author liminal Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Exclusive to me does not automatically imply commitment. You would doubtless get much clearer answers by querying the individual in question and not anonymous strangers on the internet who each will have their own ways of defining these terms. If you can't ask these questions then you probably can neither be exclusive to nor committed to that person. Thank you sm1tten. I strongly believe in good communication.
coolheadal Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Then spit on it and shake hands and now where committed! Oh by the way if you break this commitment then the deal is off and you have voided your loyalty with this man forever!
ScienceGal Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Because you like having sex with different people and you like sharing a home, childcare, costs, emotional well-being with each other? It's hardly a revelation that people fancy having sex with others and at the same time enjoy having a family life. Let's say, for instance, your other half was in the military and sent on a 6-month tour of a war-zone. He might, say, have sex with prostitutes there and you might be having one-night stands in a different town once a month. Neither of you needs to know about it and neither is committing to anything other than recreational sex whilst apart. Or you might be swingers. Or one of you might lose interest in sex altogether. Or you might prefer being a cuckold. There's myriad reasons why some people choose arrangements that differ from the all or nothing position. Generally, most people, do aim for a monogamous, committed relationship. But then also generally, most people, aim for a heterosexual, monogamous, relationship. Doesn't mean it's the only one that works. I think what you've mentioned is fine if it works for the couple and is understood and established before marriage and definitely before children are involved. I personally want strict monogamy. If I were married and found my husband was having sexual relations with other people (and wanted to continue to do so), I'd get a divorce. If there were children involved, my gut would be to do the same thing, but I would have to think long and hard about the effects of divorce on children. I can't say with certainty without being in that situation. That said, I can't tell you what it feels like to be away from a partner long-term or what it feels like to be married for 5, 10, 15+ years. That could change things, even though I'd like to think it wouldn't. So, we're still back to just making sure your needs and expectations are being met and that you're on the same page as your partner. Open communication is key in any successful relationship.
Author liminal Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I'm with carhill on this one. I am exclusively dating someone right now, but I am not committed to them. Perhaps exclusivity is the first step towards commitment. You should worry less about labels and more about being treated properly and ensuring that you are getting what you're looking for. Good luck. But are you having sex?
snug.bunny Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I'm with carhill on this one. I am exclusively dating someone right now, but I am not committed to them. Perhaps exclusivity is the first step towards commitment. Not picking on you specifically , but, this is an example of dating someone but not being "invested". This is not to say, that at some point ScienceGal won't fall in love with this particular individual, but from what I gather, she isn't there yet. So, she is still "uncertain" (correct me if I am wrong SG). A relationship usually goes something like this...You meet someone, you're attracted to him/her, you date, you decide you really like the person and don't want to date anyone else, the other person feels the same, you become boyfriend/girlfriend, real intimacy begins to develop and deepens over time. From there and at some point, the two decide to become engaged to be married. Maybe they will make it to the alter, and get married. Maybe it will last forever or end in divorce. Or, maybe they both agree to be life long partners instead of marriage. Hope that helps.
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